08-07-2009 physically tired

sleep on exhausted mode last night, wake up very early this morning.. so sleepy and tired, i already confirm myself of having OT everyday if possible, i got time and energy for it, what i short is mental energy. i never have a proper breakfast every morning, sometime can be nothing in stomach but i problem my lao po try to eat more if possible so that i can grown bigger and not that thin. this morning my father not free to fetch me so i need to get out from my house early for stopping a taxi, an uncle age 70+ fetched me to work, 1936 years, that uncle is very nice, talks to me on the whole way, i am too tired to talk with him. this whole day i act that i am okay to work and OT but actually i already exhausted and very tired, i dont think i can hold it but i will try my best on what am i aftering in future. my work is going very well now, need to learn more and more, the purpose of working is gaining expeerience and learn a lots of things. from my colleague i have learn and know a lots of thing, although his age is not far from me but he is a guy that full with experience on a lots of stuff. from what he say, from what i know, it is true and might be happen. i think twice on it, he is right on a lots of things. my lunch was full, a box of rice, it is damn lots and spicy with some sambal~ my OT is very quick, i mean super quick and mega fast. i feel so fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan, i need someone someone someone someone someone someone to talk or share my feeling, how come my lao po can be the one, why..

lao po, i miss you everyday and night, dream of you everytime when i sleep, think of you always when i am only me, as girl, i know girl will always hope and wish for thier guy be with them everytime, for me, i have the same thinking, i want to be with you always and everything, possible, i want to be everday. i am on a very serious mental exhausted mode, i hope that you can be the one that make me feel relax and fine back, a talk will help. you must always remember this, i am now sacrificing on work.

07-07-2009

Today i wake up at 7am and it will be always. Last night, finally, a call has been made, Carrien will never know how happy am i or she don't know that i miss very very badly. I sleep at 5am if i am not wrong, only 2hours of sleep, went to cheras with my friend again, get caught by Carrien, she know i sleep very late because of going out with friend. Last night is cool and fun but less one people, actually the person that have been left over, he is a quite guy and can't get attention by friend, his mouth will only open when we ask him something. There are a girl call Ah Yee, she say i am a coward in real life, shy and quiet, like to talk big and don't dare to do anythings. This girl mind didn't update, who know that if i am not or i have change? Or i can be a very talkative and wild person? I can lie her just like what i have lies, i act that i don't know what is a kiss with tongue. This is very common and of course i know, i am wondering what it feels. my lunch today, it is GREAT FULL!! i am thinking of working OT and night shift now, experience needed on a good job, work hard for it then.

carrien, i will be working for OT from tomorrow if possible, i need to gain more experience and time for learning and i will be very tired in physical. working on night shift, do you think it is fine for me? time will be less, my working hour will be your not working time and your working time will not be my working time. someone tell me something today, related to a meaning call filter. okay then, short post, good night to all

06-07-2009 almost forget to make post

Wake up a bit late after 7AM today, very tired, last night having some headache that make me feel so exhausted. This morning eat only a piece of mini moon cake then drink something. My current mood is a bit down, don't know whats wrong, actually my work is fine, i like it so much and i will stick to it, it is nothing to do with my job if i am feeling down. Feeling down because of miss someone very badly? This is serious, i am telling everyone that i miss Carrien so much. It is just like, example "if Carrien is in front of me now, i will run to her, hug her tight and cry" this is only some example. I am type of people that don't know how to express mood and feeling. Nothing effect my emotion on working today, done quite well nothing wrong happen. I already qualify for working OT mean i will be working for 12hours a day, can earn more money and gain more experience. If my parent agree, i will slowly work for OT time, i will do anything for experience and money. Working 12hours a day is hell, very abnormal but it is on weekday time so i think it will be okay. Need some agreement from parent, then ask my lao po see how, the work is really very tiring and not easy, use a lots of brain and energy. People always say guy always look younger than women, if i work this way, i think i will look equal with Carrien, wont look younger, it will be great then. When i look younger than Carrien, i will feel like i am still kid. I will make myself got a looks like an adult, go in casino without checking identity card. Hopefully on age 18 or 19. My lunch for today, rice with meat slice, green chili pepper and crab stick, i am SO full with the lunch box! Do you think i got chance to make a lunch box for lao po? Or she will make me one. See lo. Is there any place that me and Carrien and be together a day in weekend time, i mean a place like vacation or something, can stay a day together every weekend. Need to make some plan on transport and more. A guy like me, didn't go out before, what also don't know, so useless. This morning when i am looking for a clothe to wear for work, i noticed, actually i don't have a lots of clothe to wear and i never buy clothe before, all the clothe i wear, it is some DONATE from cousin neighbour and friend. This time i really must have some outfit shipping. I always say i want to save money, what am i aftering? Actually nothing but now, i want to have a car, i want to bring lao po come kepong more often. If i got car, i will be able to do anything and go anywhere, freedom is mine! This is what Raven wont have, freedom, LOL! I will have freedom after owning a car! Cool! Elric jia you! I will try my best to own a car BY this wear IF can and got ability. Wait for me Carrien, it will never be long. today after work, i call carrien two time also not people pick up :( never mind lo..

want to have more time planning one some outing that need a day to spend time together every weekend saving money for a car in future call you always no matter what love you

05-07-2009 short post

wake up very early today, online whole day, i suppose to be going out with my lao po but didn't.. headache!! need to make post daily.. work time really making me feel so stress, although the work is easy and simple, memorizing and more, it is killing me.. i can die, i need lao po a lot :( tomorrow work again, jia you elric, need to sleep early.

There are as many nights as days, and the one is just as long as the other in the year's course. Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word 'happy' would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness.
About suffering they were never wrong, The Old Masters; How well they understood Its human position; how it takes place While someone else is eating or opening a window or just walking dully along.
For everything there is a season,
And a time for every matter under heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die;
A time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal;
A time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh;
A time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to throw away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
A time to embrace, And a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to seek, and a time to lose;
A time to keep, and a time to throw away;
A time to tear, and a time to sew;
A time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate,
A time for war, and a time for peace.

04-07-2009 i dream of you again

today i wake up very early, i dream of lao po again, i still cant think any outing activities with her but i really miss her a lot, i am thinking of going to her house but will i interrupt her parent Sunday resting and family day? that day i go because of being requested.. as long as i can be with her, anywhere will be fine, my work make me feel so stress.. a lots of pressure on memorizing and controlling a machine. no professional teacher and people that teach me is too complicated, although i am clever until dont need to write down some note but i still feel very scare of crushing machine. today i go to work at a bit late but on time, dont need to wait for a long time till everyone reach there. yesterday i already start to control the machine, today i continue my job and finish a model already then extra time nothing to do waiting them to set new parts program. i call lao po after work today, no one picked up again, i will still call her everyday after work. after work i went back home, online until now, so damn boring, tired and sad. my friend ask me to go clubbing tonight but, i dont even have the ability for outing, still want to follow them go? if i got money, i will go for an outing with lao po if course, i already miss her until want to sick. the work make me feel sorrow.. i will stick this job tight no matter what. good night to all. whats my outing with lao po tomorrow, i think dont have :(

"sobbing" i cant go out tomorrow i guess, dont have ability i guess.. try my best if can, wanted to see you so much, want to have some private time together on some talks and more, think of going her house is a bit too late now i guess, maybe i can plan it for next week. i will try my best, work hard to gain experience and life!! first month of working of course it will be a bit hard and tight, jia you ELRIC!! ROAR dumb guy

03-07-2009 myself and my dream

this morning i dream of my lao po, told you that i miss her so much and wanted to see her right, after wake up, i feel so down and sad because the dream have end :( but never mind, i know slowly later i will have ability on see her EVERY WEEK. so what dream i have this morning? sorry, don't really remember but i will tell it by parts

• someone took my phone away to snap photo then when my lao po call me, she say she want to see me right now and quick, at the time i am on genting with parent so it is impossible for me to appear in front of her so i promise her that we will meet after i am back.
• i am walking in a very fresh place in genting mean someplace that not exist, thinking back the first time we meet and slowly went back too the place we have go.
• i really cant think a lot, although the dream said that i am on genting but it is very complicated because i know i got see my lao po in dream.

my body, there are something wrong, not going to reveal or tell everyone, maybe i am weak or thin, thats why this thing happen to me.. i feel like there are a pressure from lung to my heart when i stretch my body, i mean i cant stretch my body because i will feel a pressure from my ribs to heart. my whole body just like damage, including my brain. "will i die if i stretch my lung even if i feel cant breath and so suffer + pain" i dont know, i just cant stretch my body already.

• my heart feel a bit pressure from my lung and ribs when i stretch or move my body
• both of my arm, used over strength, muscle is hurt and injured, from the pain i feel, i will be fine on next month
• my leg, feeling more and more pain and tired because of standing, maybe i should train more so that i leg can be strong, i need the leg energy for some use on something
• breakfast, chocolate oat drink, drink water, eat and drink nothing until 12.30PM then drink water lunch, rice or anything then eat and drink nothing to 7PM then only dinner, the time when i am in home, i need to drink a lot water and eat a lot
• i sleep 12am+ from july1 already, when can sleep early after a call with lao po ne, my sleep will without worry and sweet.

today my father not free to fetch me so i must go out super early for taxi, scare that i can go to work on time, need to spend money on third day already, don't know will my father really start lazy and don't want to fetch me then he will ask me to spent almost RM10+ a day for taxi and food. i want to work and, learn a lots thing and raise my salary quick!! this my the way of my living now, live hard to get something!! no matter how exhausted i get, i don't mind, i can risk my life on it!! of course i will only take a risk, i will not sacrifice, maybe i will, no i cant, there are someone important for me to be take care. love her so much >_< Finally, i can control the machine at last, just not enough skillfull and a bit dumb because of not enough sleep and tired, i miss my lao po so damn much till i can dream of her last night. The learning and controlling is okay, need to absorb slowly and quickly master it, this is what i want, must master the machine. My whole body is aching including some inner organs. Lunch, a dumplings and few piece of cake, i will be hungry very quick, save as much as i can but try not to effect my health. Don't know why everyday i need to disturb people i only feel happy, just some simple disturb that can make people angry and got smoke come out from head. I don't mean to disturb, just wanted to make myself release some feeling of numb on brain. Everyday on lunch time, i will have extra more than half hour times, i am thinking of converting some video to phone and watch. I am downloading masked rider kabuto recently, got time to download, no time so watch so i will try to save it too phone and watch. Masked rider kabuto is a very nice series with handsome japanese guy that look cool. How i hope i got a friend like him, i don't mean my other friends don't look good, LOL. "ROAR" my friend didn't call me out for a long time already, i want to go to cheras with then but i got work now. I am thinking, and wanted to plan, is there anyway for me to be with lao po whole day till night, either staying go home, out for a vacation or to a resort in someplace.. This coming saturday and sunday, lets have a plan then, midvalley will be the easiest for me. after my lunch, everything goes fine, learn slowly absorb slowly but must master everything quick, i feel so damn stress, a lots of pressure, i scare i will make mistake, i scare i cant master the machine. today after work, i mean why this three day after work i call my lao po also cant get through.. i will call everyday. tonight i MUST sleep early. show you the machine that i control in my working place

 

"this weekend de outing plan le ma? i want to see you so much o " i don't know where to go or should go yet, out for a movies, or how leh. i don't have car so it is a bit hard and cant go much place, my father say he will get me a car quick, hopefully by this year, i already cant stand of CANT see lao po, work hard a bit then i will get car quick, my father only do some simple support. jia you!! the dream i got last night really making me T^T when i wake up, i can feel that my soul is away from my body.. don't know where it wonder already.. "ARGH" i should plan all those outing right, darn.. 

02-07-2009 second day~

Same like always, i am going to wake up everyday on 7am for the rest of my working day including sunday. Didn't eat anything for breakfast, drink some chocolate oat drinks. Now i noticed that i really don't have anythings to wear even for work or outing. I never went out on purpose for buying something for myself to wear. I don't go to shopping or buy anythings. When i am going to change my shirt for work, i really feel so angry to myself, darn, i can't find anything to wear, only a grandfather shirt with collar available. How am i going to continue this. My bag too, i am wondering, when am i going to change.. I reach my working place early again. My father fetch me here early. Tomorrow i am going to come myself with taxi. Today learning is okay, more quicker but still need time. Hope that i don't do any mistake on it then everythings will be fine. Every half hours on lunch there will be a short a short guy conferences that talk about anythings other than work. It is a bit boring on time after lunch because i don't have interest on their topic. How should a guy be, wild or gentle. Night life, alcohol, girl and low percentage type of drugs. This is a life that what youngster should have? I can't think of any others life things for relax other than some simple outing. I am just a bit curious on those life, not interested on joining. What should i think and do now is, learn and mastery those machine quick, save more money to myself and for myself. I want to become machine leader, something like nothing do to anymore, just teach and guide. after my lunch time, after gaining some weight from lunch, i feel so tired of standing, my leg just like want to break or something.. i feel so pity and poor because they are not teaching me in proper way.. things that i learn, all by common sense and memory.. today at last i can start to move a machine slowly by guide, still got a lots too learn, there are something that i am so scare of "can i mastery a machine and become a leader quick so that i can (sit don't, don't need to do anything? it will be a long time if i cant mastery every skill of it quick. my purpose of working is i want to mastery every single machine and know everything at there. i don't mind of doing nothing after i mastery everything but i am really scare of i cant learn anything because it is really damn hard to memorize, not easy at all but from what i know, they can guarantee me, i can mastery a machine by this saturday.. hope la.. "ROAR" i am going to call my lao po everyday after my work time and time before sleep, i don't care anything now, just want to hear her voice more, scare that i will forget her voice because of hearing those machine sound. her sound will always be in my heart though that i can get to call her. how i hope that i can have OT with those staff, i don't mind of working until 9AM if OT, what i want is experience and salary. i will try to eat more if possible, i am telling every single one of human that living on earth, i am going to try a hard way of gaining my weight. don't want to look thin and weak, want to grow big a bit then only will suit my lao po de ma, right, i don't care any genetic things, i am going to try a hard say, eat none stop.

after working, i will eat less and drink less water, i hope that it will not effect my health a lot. i cant call lao po tonight, although it is a bit :( but never mind lo, got chat a bit with her, i already didn't chat or talk with her for a long time, i think few day only but i already feel that it is very long time already. i asked her for a outing this weekend, i miss her so much and hope that i can see her, how i hope that i can chat online with her using webcam.. it will be very nice, i will buy two if i see some cheap cams. i already try chat using webcam, it is damn stupid and funny, feel so weird.. i hope i can chat with her using webcam, it will be soon and quick. "if saturday or sunday free then we go out le wor, any problem ma lao po, i want to see you so much, what about you, got miss me" LOL~ good night and sweet dream, muacks

01-07-2009 my first day working life

i am back to my blog life, today i wake up at 7am, i will be waking up on 7am everyday from now. i feel so sleepy and a bit cant awake because i sleep very late last night.. around 12am if i am not wrong. last night before sleep, carrien give me a miss call on phone so i call her back and have some talk, miss her so much. this morning i went to my working place very early because my father is not free on the time at 9am so i must go early, when i reach there, i get a bit confuse and unsure because all door and gate are locked, it is already 8.30am but still haven't open any gate yet, my company start working hours on 9am but i am the only one that reach first. i walk around the building and more just to recognize the location and area of my working place. i didn't take any breakfast this morning but i got drink something of course, chocolate flavor oat drinks, it is very good but a bit too sweet for me, i will stomachache if i didn't drink well at morning. i got a bit don't like the ways of learning today, much of the people there don't know how to teach, they just ask me to see and learn, it is a bit hard because what i do is see, i don't even know what to ask if i don' t know. they should be teacher me step by step, not by asking me to see.. actually i can mastery a machine in two day if they teach me but they don't. whatever, i got salary even if i sit down and do nothing, just see. i really hope that i can learn to control a machine quick, mastery this machine and let me to by my own. i want to learn all the machine there, i really hope and wanted to do that, i don't think it is impossible, it is the only way for me to be success. today, i just learn a bits of thing, don't even really know something but better than nothing. it is a bit hard to communicate with them because all also "bo tak ceh" (didn't study) it is okay, i will not be lazy for the work, i will stick at the company, stick at the machine and learn till i mastery everything. a lots of people tell me, it is not easy to learn at first but slowly will get use to it, AT first, it is really hard to learn a damn shit things, they say i can master it on a week or something, i hope la.. the way they teach is really making me confuse. lunch time, my mother buy me nasi lemak at morning for me, quite full but not enough, i want to talk to carrien so much on lunch time but i think she is not free. i take 15minute for lunch, 45minute for rest and do nothing.. no one here accept me.. so sien.. that's why i say i want to talk with carrien. after lunch, then continue learning my things slowly by watching, thats all i can do. i stand more than sit, leg is a bit tired too.. some people there got OT, a newbies like me no OT till i know how to control a machine then only got OT~ after work.. i straight away call my lao po, she ask me to call her after work but no one pick up, never mind then, i will make a call to her before sleep <3

when is our last time meeting each other, it is on Sunday, last month, last two week. don't know why this few day i feel so.. MISS YOU so much, i can even see you in my dream, can count as every night if you believe it, it is something like a image of you, although that we don't meet each other that much but i always hope that we can have more time together. i got a lots of thing want to tell and ask and share and show and say and do. this month i have to save a lot, i think i cant spend a lot for this month. if this month i am not able to go out with you, i will want to go out with you on next month, we will go to a place for a day of something and leave out a unforgettable memories, T^T useless guy say this thing. whatever~ must happy always. elric love you