Lifeless body without soul

black and white, dark and light, devil and angel

do you all curious, why do the black, dark, and devil start first?

i feel that myself have change a lot after being in relationship last november 17
maybe everything really come too fast and sudden.. after being hurt very deep, i promise myself.. if i have the ability, i dont wish to let anyone feel what i feel before.. but why.. i just make people hurt..

my current girlfriend, give me a kind of feel like i didnt care or mind her a lots. i do care her, i do jealous in short time, but not so much. the time i jealous, who will tell out? only jerk. dont know why i just wanted her to be a bit balance in look.

i really hate the way that i think, everything make me feel so unworthy to care and love. in street, i close my eye and point any random place, i can see a better girl. even if i dont need to choose girl, i am not very handsome, i believe there will have girl that choose me. everything just feel so unworth to care so much. my heart is not locked by my girlfriend yet.

i have unlimited patient to wait my girlfriend, but please dont make me feel impossible.. my confidence to you will change. i feel so bored, i wish to love my girlfriend with the way i am, i want to hug and kiss her in public, but i just cant do it.. every time i see people in love, omg, they are so damn fucking sweet.. but not me.. saying a love word, i feel like "bu xiang"

i make myself have so many reason, i use to tell myself, i dont mind how a girl look, i dont need my girl to be how pretty, i dont mind my girl size..

• maybe this time too big?
• or i have enough critiques by people?
• cant feel "an quan gan" because too big? (i cant make a round shape with i hug.. make me dislike it)
• make me feel unchangable?

aw shit.. listed too hurt? honestly i am not this kind of reality people, i hate people saying itself, but they can change better than anyone, whatever i am too much..


you know what.. the feeling of sdo-ing yesterday is quite nice, cant really say it is happy but i like this kind of feel. a feel of freedom i guess. and something. but nothing ba.. sdo is one of my favorite game before until someone spoil it. i train so hard and well just to compete.. but everything change in the end

hm..i shared a song here.. need to talk with people and some talk with my girlfriend