everything end up posting here

Privately to my EX jia wen
Suddenly think of something to write, about my ex. This note is not directly write for her. Just the voice of my heart :) She can count as my first girlfriend because i never really be with any girl before her. In beginning, i don't really expect of having any girlfriend because i don't look good, and i am poor. In such a coincidentally, we know each other in facebook. We are not having any special relationship at all. We start with friend. Start in phone. Contacting each other daily. Think back of the past, actually it just happen two year ago. She is a very childish and immature girl. Things attract me the most, is her voice and look. She sound cute and look cute. I like taking care of her. But i fail to own her heart. Me and her is having a very naive relationship for that time. Not feeling regretting but everything comes too early. I shouldn't meet her or know her this early time :) or maybe she can be my forever. The only girl i fall so deep. Suddenly feel speechless saying about her things. Not feeling like sharing too. No use talking back things that have pass. Just make it as the memory that me and her only know. Main thing i writing this is, i wanted to write something to her, but i don't want her to see :) Its been a long time since the day we breakup. I never worry that you will dump me someday. I didn't even think of it. But you really done it. I really feel regret of why. Why i can so such a hurtful things to you? I request for breaking up, countlessly. Finally, i understand your feeling. I am so proud of you, you hurt me so deep. It is fine if you dislike me, but you choose another guy? The only things pop up in my mind is just worry. I worry about you, together with a guy that i never know. For me, you are so naive and you are still a kid. You don't know what is good or bad. You don't even know what a human really thinks. Yes, i admit, i hate you before after breakup. You ruin my life. You make me become a guy that always jealous of people. Maybe. I hate seeing your new life. Why your life can have so many people around you. Why i must life alone everyday with computer? I even play game alone. The deepest you love someone, the deepest you hate the one you love before. I think, you hate me so damn much. And try think back, how you tell me you love me. I really put your word in my mind. This is one of the reason i feel so secure being with you. I wont forget you tell me that you wont choose other boy anymore. You only want me. If you love other boy, you still will be with me. Don't want to leave me. I really listen it quietly each time you tell me. But all is fake :) i never do what i say, same to you. I never think that you will do such a bullshit thing. Telling everyone how bad am i? Things already become past. I wont mind it anymore. As long as your mouth is shut and don't effect my life. I never think for wanting you back, i never plan to own you one more time. I wonder how much have you change? Same? For me, i change a lot since the day you leave me. But, my heart is still lonely. You know? I found another girlfriend after breaking up with you 4month. Believe it? Sure no. But this is true. To be honest, my wound is not cure at that time. But now, everything dry up. Although 2years have pass, but i still think of you sometime. My facebook profile still have some tag and picture with you. Remove some. But still there. I don't wish to be with you back. Only hope our happy moment can be permanent. Genting :) watches :) bus stop :) escaletor :) much much more. All the feel is still strong last time. But now, i really no feeling anymore. My current girlfriend now, hm. She never get my feeling. The feeling inside me, she never know. She only think i have the same feeling with her. I don't need people to care me, or know about me. I only want people to tell me and let me know. This make me secure. I like to discover answer and hate asking or being ask. Maybe i will be with her for a long long time. A lots of people say it is unfair for me. But whatever. Don't care. Next note, secretly for my girlfriend. If she saw it, then just let her read. If she don't know? Don't care~


Secretly to Hazel
Together with you, i think nearly 1 1/2 years already. What you get? What i get? Whats the feeling? Happy or wasting time? Haha.. I going to tag you if you read this. Hope you have friend will read, then they will tell you something. We know each other in sdo. Is it a fate for us to meet each other? Room title find dear. I go in. Then sampat. The time i quite chong dong de :) november 2010 this month is a month that i create the most trouble in my life. Rei Fang Zhen. Things that have past, i can't change it anymore. So accept it ba. Telling you the truth. Hurt you. Telling you the fake. You love me. I think it is the time for me to get mature :) am i blaming myself for being sleepy all the time, or i am just running away from the truth? My life is full of regret. Full of responsibility. I wonder how many million time i have to tell you. We don't look like couple at all. I wonder, your friend got tell you before? We don't look like couple? My work friend telling me this all the time. Whatever. I don't feel like saying anything about you anymore because i think of too much of regretful things about you.
1. I fall my first tear to you because you making me feel so stress and suffer on your personality and attitude. Telling you your problem but you don't understand. End.
2. Keep begging you for letting us having the best relationship, you never take our relationship seriously. Cincai.
3. You never know what i want. What i think and whats my feeling.
Dec 2011 i cry one more time. The time is because you don't care a damn about my breaking up request. Feb 2012 another tears fall for you. My last tears. You know why you so love me now? I feel disgust saying you so love me. Fuck. Dinosaur. You almost losed me, thats why you change a lot or love me more. Before, you didn't even know how you treat this relationship. ~~~ blur awhile, imagining if i can back to past. I will change a lots of thing. Actually i plan to separate post this note, but i plan to put it together. Don't feel like writing anything anymore more. Super long post. The End.

bored