Not fun, un-jokable

do you have anyone that cant be joke and always get mad when you are joking? do you know, this is so boring? i am type that like to joke, and i cant joke on someone that get mad when i joke. how to match? i will try not to joke anymore then since there are someone that cannot be joke.. sacrificing is needed again.. i make myself change quite lots actually.. no one really know.. sms that i like the most.. i start dislike.. even phone call i feel so ma huan.. hm.. i dont even like to inform or say a lots of thing already.. maybe all is a reflect..

yesterday i watch a love movie

movie name is koizora, sky of love

why my relationship and the move one is differnt

why cant i be so sweet

the guy finally say i love you, when he is going to die

and the girl say, this is your first time saying it, after 3years

is it necessary to say three word?

confuse in love

i wish to have a sweet happy love

i am so jealous seeing a lot couple so happy

the way they treat each other

it is like.. heaven feeling.. even i feel sweet

my relationship never goes well end..

you never fulfill my desire..

you are so cincai to this relationship

...

Slowpoke's

i hate you to be such a slow thing or i thing that doesn't have any respond. i believe that even if you see my blog, even if you see my posts, you wont have any respond. with this kind of things, you make me feel nothing on you. sometime people do something, just to get some respond.

i remember, there are the only one time, that i felt so damn happy when i receive your respond.. although it is my request for asking you to praise me, but i really do feel so happy. in my memories, there are only this pieces

i dont mind waiting you, 1 day, 1 week, 1 month, 1 year or more, just dont make me feel impossible.. my patient will be dead.. i hate being so careless and no respond type human, you wont want me to treat you naturally that way. [i think i am type of human that is, how you treat me before, how i treat you now] i dont wish to be like this..

how much change i have made

• sms change short
• text-ing change short
• change to be cold (@~@) gee..

there are more i guess..

Long time no see..

Long time no see, it look like you still look the same. Not bad. A lot people tell me that i have change a lot from before. Good to see you back, it remind me of old time when i am with you, because you are still the same. It make me feel that my prediction is right and never wrong. I guess, there are really some kind of people that never change.

phew.. here come my another post.. ah i like this word "long time no see" feeling no bad.. i believe, everyone will change one day. not completely change, just come personality change and attitude.. to me.. being naughty wont change.. i only will change to a cold icy heart.. mean no feeling in love.. i guess.. i am not sure.. need to wait the time to tell everything.. D= suddenly dont know what to write already..

she is finally back, feel like long time no see or contact, after back, no change.. wa..

I do think before

2010
there a few time, i tried to give up.. i really cant stand it anymore..
later.. i know i cant live without it.. i need it
i try to tell myself, not to say those thing again
so, i really do what i have said..
but it is too late..

2011
hm.. simple.. very simple.. and nothing..
i want to beat my life, destiny and fate.. nothing is fix

i do think before, giving up this, but.. because it is not necessary, so i just leave it, until now.. "a sms make me forget what i want to write next" never mind.
i do think before, try to restart it.. i need to reformat or renew *a language that only me understand*
whatever.. just having some feel to make post.

8th month relationship..

this few day, she seem to be so damn busy, or actually her busy time have started? luckily this wont be forever or i think i wont be able to stand it. actually i plan to meet her on 17-07-2011 sunday. time and planning all not suit.. so i cant. so it is fine then. lets see.. 8th month kuai le!! kuai le ma? D= bu zhi dao o.. i like people having happy life living because i hate people boring more than myself boring. i am so afraid of people getting bored even if it is not my problem. if people life is nice then i will feel fine. how many post that i have been made since the last day i told her i got wrote something here? nah.. she dont care a damn of my post. one of the thing i never like about her is she never treat relationship seriously, knowing how to love is useless if you cant spread the feel plus "cuma tau cakap" cham..

it is lucky i never share my post on facebook or she will see my blog, i dont even sure that do she have time to read at least one post. lets bet. how many day after this post she will read this? i think minimum after a week only she notice this post or readed this post.

i wonder is there any spy in my blog and checking my blog.. i notice that someone have leave its facebook account but never deactivate it. i guess the did it on purpose. i hope i really can make my wish come true, solve my chain in heart someday, please..

today i watch one china tv show, about love matching thing. 20+ girl in the show, then 1 guy come interview those girl. just watch it in 8tv every sunday and you will know what tv show. the point here is "yuan lai" i still have feeling in love/sweet.. something like that.. my heart still got feeling in those thing. gosh.. i feel so relief leh..

almost forget something..
she use to treat me very geli.. i am type of human that never show direct kindness or care.. and i hate being treated nice or with love, it make me feel disgust. hate direct.. slap me because you love me, dont kiss me, kill me because you love me, dont die for me. i am a kind devil. you know?

I LOVE YOU

after a long period of being single.. after a lots of unwilling thing happen.. then in 2010.. sdo.. i meet a girl call zhen.. she appear to be very different from what i observe when we are in sdo and skype. mean the time when we firstly met. hm..i start having feeling to her because she give me a very special feeling.. time long already.. dont know why my feeling to her start have some error.. hm.. error in believing each other.. error of laziness, careless.. mean no care.. too cincai.. not serious in love.. not giving each other enough love.. and dont know what is love.. + bla bla bla and more..
i wish her to be healthy, i want her to be good, i hope she can look nice.. [i feel so selfish for all this request] asking her to be pretty, this is not only for me, it is for herself too.. all girl want to be pretty.. if she become pretty, i dont earn anything. i always feel overweight people is unhealthy.. i am so scare that she not healthy too.. i want her to be fine always, because she dont want me to be care so i lazy to care already

Unbelievable so you never believe

dont know why suddenly fall in love with this song, it is so damn nice, feel like learning this song.. nah.. lets see my mood.. if fine, i will learn it.. cool man.. it is a japan song actually but it is in english version.. i believe!! nice!!

by the way.. i am here to add up something that i have missed..

last time.. long time ago.. i did a very big mistake.. if i am not wrong.. maybe this is the main cause of everything.. hard to explain.. when i feel so down in relationship.. i have a feeling, tell me that.. make the one you love hates you is better that hurting it. i make a post said that i will make someone hate me so that it will leave me.. i am so wrong about it. after someone know about it, its confidence to me, finish.. maybe is this causing the ending.

believe

believing each other in relationship is really important. no matter it is a lies or what, you should believe every word. never make the one that trust you disappointing. dont know why i just keep feeling disappointing.. i always make it last chance to believe. must believe always

love.. i am so sorry for all those previous post, super duper sorry..

haihz..actually i so love my gf.. just i cant accept everything in her..

aw complicated.. bu xiang write liao.. 

Loveless reaction

Loveless reaction
to me, giving some reaction to their love is a very important things. it is okay that you don't give any reaction but, not so dumb type? dont even know it self have a kind of ability call "giving reaction to what people have mention/say" being a human, something we might be a bit careless in feelings.. dont know why i just hate "ignore/dont care/not important" love is caring anything..

sometime, i really start getting lazy in this relationship, no more things that i can do anymore. this is a fail relationship. appear to be strong and calm. actually inside is nothing.

in this world, do anyone know that, a boy and a girl can be together without love? i mean a relationship without love. in old time, there are a lots of people marry without love. we can see it in some parent. a lots of parent, actually they dont really have love. marry is just a human progress, building a family is a responsibility in human, unlike now.

you know what i feel when i see this picture? D= i really dont know how to love already. this is a broken relationship. truth. slowly, we wont have any argue anymore, i believe. starting to get boring already. a boring girl that dont like surprise.


what is surprise?
do you think surprise is just like a normal things? to people that doesnt "think" surprise is only a surprise. you know how a surprise be created? human use heart or love to make it, just to let someone feel happy. this is what i know. in my life, tell "you" i have a surprise [it is a dead word] i never wanted to give any surprise anymore because you never want [you will say, you are not romantic] actually you are a very boring person.

i start to realize that, actually my love doesn't really need love anymore. love or not love, actually there are no different anymore. i dont know what bad thing i have in relationshi. 

 actually i really wanted to have a very sweet love and relationship, not like being cold and nothing. you know how lucky am i because i have a girlfriend and i should cherish it a lot.. but i just dont feel like i am that lucky.. maybe it isn't a happy one i guess.. actually relationship now doesn't have any problem. maybe for now.

giving a like in facebook, this is not any bad thing. seriously.

lets say, make example.. you are a type of person that only keep liking people post. and there are a person that like your post too. one day, in status, you say you are sad, in picture, you show your tears, in status, you write "what to do? i dont know" you wish to have comment by human.. but what you get, is only a spamming of like. human only see you, they dont care you. human only likes your status, dont really wanted to care you.

u nvr 1 2 hv conversation wit me, u only tinks 4 ur nid

Lifeless body without soul

black and white, dark and light, devil and angel

do you all curious, why do the black, dark, and devil start first?

i feel that myself have change a lot after being in relationship last november 17
maybe everything really come too fast and sudden.. after being hurt very deep, i promise myself.. if i have the ability, i dont wish to let anyone feel what i feel before.. but why.. i just make people hurt..

my current girlfriend, give me a kind of feel like i didnt care or mind her a lots. i do care her, i do jealous in short time, but not so much. the time i jealous, who will tell out? only jerk. dont know why i just wanted her to be a bit balance in look.

i really hate the way that i think, everything make me feel so unworthy to care and love. in street, i close my eye and point any random place, i can see a better girl. even if i dont need to choose girl, i am not very handsome, i believe there will have girl that choose me. everything just feel so unworth to care so much. my heart is not locked by my girlfriend yet.

i have unlimited patient to wait my girlfriend, but please dont make me feel impossible.. my confidence to you will change. i feel so bored, i wish to love my girlfriend with the way i am, i want to hug and kiss her in public, but i just cant do it.. every time i see people in love, omg, they are so damn fucking sweet.. but not me.. saying a love word, i feel like "bu xiang"

i make myself have so many reason, i use to tell myself, i dont mind how a girl look, i dont need my girl to be how pretty, i dont mind my girl size..

• maybe this time too big?
• or i have enough critiques by people?
• cant feel "an quan gan" because too big? (i cant make a round shape with i hug.. make me dislike it)
• make me feel unchangable?

aw shit.. listed too hurt? honestly i am not this kind of reality people, i hate people saying itself, but they can change better than anyone, whatever i am too much..


you know what.. the feeling of sdo-ing yesterday is quite nice, cant really say it is happy but i like this kind of feel. a feel of freedom i guess. and something. but nothing ba.. sdo is one of my favorite game before until someone spoil it. i train so hard and well just to compete.. but everything change in the end

hm..i shared a song here.. need to talk with people and some talk with my girlfriend