i want to hide myself

"don't know why.. the feeling of i am not belong at here is back, i feel like don't want to stay at here le la T^T i want to keep my friend in home, only anime and life, that's all.. i feel very down because i am too useless and lame.. why am i so this? i don't want to back to my anime life, it make me stay in home always. but, i am still in house always without anime but online. okay now, what am i writing? i feel myself very useless from other, a very useless and tak guna punya.. dont need to proof or how, my life is already very miserable, luen 7 8 jou.. hopeless geh la me.. chat me in msn to know more hyikyang@yahoo.com"

刘裕扬 Hoo Yik Yang Although the wound is bleeding but the pain will fade away as time goes by, wound will recover faster if apply medicine but the wound in the heart is difficult, it is difficult to heal and it might not be healed in a life time

wealthiness attract

"now i remember something that i see, a very realistic de image, i dont know, am i suppose to write it out but just write ba.. money and wealthiness attract people.. i know what it mean gao liao. i see with my own eye, a person wealthiness will attract people automatically, very geng.. i hope i can own some ability of something always but whatever la.. i am despair T^T cincai la, rich people is like that de, i want to stick to rich people too"

刘裕扬 Hoo Yik Yang Although the wound is bleeding but the pain will fade away as time goes by, wound will recover faster if apply medicine but the wound in the heart is difficult, it is difficult to heal and it might not be healed in a life time

jia wen de ai

"haha, my bao bei so cute de lo, she write that thing in school, and posted it to facebook ;p she seen to like me a lot and very much and i very appreciate her love to me and i will very love her too >< our time on meeting each other is super less because i got work.. if i dont have work, i can find her always after she finish her school.. being human like me is very despair actually.. mood down liao.. nice image o jia wen^^ xi huan ni"

刘裕扬 Hoo Yik Yang Although the wound is bleeding but the pain will fade away as time goes by, wound will recover faster if apply medicine but the wound in the heart is difficult, it is difficult to heal and it might not be healed in a life time

huh? what a night.. darn..

"last few day ago Annie asked me to go for a BBQ with her friend, i didn't for any type of place like this, gathering with a lots of people that i don't know, quite hard to get along well because we're different world person but of course there are still way that i can be friend with them, it will be, i am the another type of person to them. so what else? just write some feeling, not my story.. actually i was hoping myself to have more outing with people and i already start to dare myself for going anywhere, my friend ask, i go, that's all. actually i am feeling quite stress last night, seeing a lots of people that very good in talking, why can i be them but actually i am one of them? honestly i am a type of people that talks a lot and joke a lot plus like to make fun and fooling, i just cant get to use it with friend or people that i don't know. quite despair and hopeless, last night before going out, quarrel with my mother awhile, say i am very picky on clothing -_-' what do she mean by picky? i don't have choice to choose. three cans of tiger 5% alcohol level in one shoot, i already feel dizzy on second cans, am i that weak or actually it is normal? feeling despair ma drink la, need reason geh meh? actually i want more but i think i will fall if i drink the fifth can.. whatever.. Annie now, look and attitude still dont really mature yet though she already not like last time but still same.. then the Koo Pui Yee, it already been awhile since the last day i see her, few year jor lo. last night i speak wrong something, actually i wanted to go home early with Annie gah but i say 'fan sin la' then they think i say 'lei fan sin la' so i back home late and give her abandon jor. haih, make new blog liao so there will be more update coming, hoho, my update is random time and day"

刘裕扬 Hoo Yik Yang Although the wound is bleeding but the pain will fade away as time goes by, wound will recover faster if apply medicine but the wound in the heart is difficult, it is difficult to heal and it might not be healed in a life time

19-09-2009 Souji Tendou

Throughout the series, it’s been noted that the main protagonist, Souji Tendou would always quote from his adoptive grandmother. In other episodes, his step-sister, Jyuka Tendou would also quote from her grandmother as well. To contradict this, Tsurugi Kamishiro had also chipped in quotes from his butler, Jiiya.

Grandmother said this…

• Walking the path of heaven, the man who will rule everything.
• Make the world revolve around you. It’s more fun to think that way.
• When people love others, they become weaker, but it is nothing to be ashamed of. True weakness lies elsewhere.
• When not close by, one is even closer.
• Chase two birds, and you catch two birds.
• People who steal things, lose something even more important.
• It is enjoyable to eat something delicious, but the greatest joy is the time spent waiting for it.
• If you wish it to be so, luck will always be on your side.
• Flowers can make any girl glow.
• All girls are equally beautiful.
• A knife can only bring happiness when used in cooking.
• Fancy flavors cannot hide poor cooking.
• It is fun to add a secret flavor so that no one knows. But… it’s more fun to find it.
• The whisper of the devil can sometimes sound like an angel’s voice.
• One that drowns in oneself will eventually fall to darkness.
• Even if the world were full of enemies, there is someone you must protect.
• If you receive a little kindness, give them a large serving.
• Imitating others is not bad, for it is to recognize ourselves.
• Once you know the real thing… you won’t be fooled by an imitation.
• Children are treasures. The greatest sin in this world is to damage those treasures.
• During meals an angel descends, for it is a sacred time.
• There are two things men must not do. One is to not make girls cry…The other is to not handle food crudely!
• The sun is wonderful, it can make even the dirt shine.
• Life is a long path to a goal. Drop your heavy luggage and enjoy walking with your hands empty.
• Men must be cool. Boiling water is but vapor.
• The wishes of the children are the future reality…Adults that laugh at such dreams are no longer human.
• A bond is a deep connection that cannot be broken. Even if apart, heart and heart are connected.
• My evolution is faster than the light. Nothing in the whole universe can keep up with my evolution.

08-09-2009 The answers given to the questions have been shown to have a relevance to values and ideals that we hold in our personal lives.

You are walking in the woods with myself. myself is the most important person in your life.

You see a dog. The size of the animal is representative of your perception of the size of your problems.

You scare. with the animal? The severity of the interaction you have with the animal is representative of how you deal with your problems. (passively/aggressively)

You walk deeper in the woods. You enter a clearing and before you is your Dream House. It is large. The size of your dream house is representative of the size of your ambition to resolve your problems.

Is your dream house surrounded by a fence? You answered no. No fence is indicative of an open personality. People are welcome at all times. The presence of a fence indicates a closed personality. You´d prefer people not to drop by unannounced.

You enter the house. You walk to the dining area and see the dining table. Around are on and around the table. If your answer did not include food, people, or flowers, then you are generally unhappy.

You exit the house through the back door. Lying in the grass is a cup. The cup is made of glass. . The durability of the material with which the cup is made of is representative of the perceived durability of your relationship with myself. For example, styrafoam, plastic, and paper are all disposable, styrofoam, paper and glass are not durable, and metal and plastic are durable.

You bring home. Your disposition of the cup is representative of your attitude towards myself

08-09-2009 Love test result

Below are the analysis result

Dear Elric 刘裕扬, below are your love test result:

1. The road represents your attitude towards falling in love. You chose the short road. You fall in love quickly and easily. (very quick end too)

2. The number of red roses represents how much you give in a relationship, while the number of white represents what you expect in return. You give 100% and expect 0% in return. (i give everything without expecting any return)

3. This question represents your attitude towards handling relationship problems. You like to get the person yourself. You are a more direct person and like to work out problems immediately. (that's why when my friend wanted to invite girl to me, i rather find one myself)

4. The placement of the roses determines how much you like seeing your boy/girlfriend. You place the roses on the bed. You like to see him/her a lot. (i will like to see my love one always)

5. This represents your attitude towards his/her personality. You prefer the person to be asleep, you love the person the way s/he is. (this is true)

6. The road to home tells how long you stay in love with someone. You chose the longer road. You will tend to stay in love for a long time. (of course)

too complicated le, this stuff and that stuff, house, work, life, parent, money, ability, my happiness, and my mood, where is it now. feeling down because of small problem, being offend very easily. hate being myself now, want this no this, life is so unhappy.

For Elric 刘裕扬 who have zodiac Sagitarius, below are their perfect match criteria :

Perfect Partners: Aries, Leo
Nearly Perfect Partners: Libra, Aquarius
Like Minded Souls: Sagittarius
Opposites Youre Attracted To: Taurus, Cancer
Learn From Your Differences: Scorpio, Capricorn
Not Your Destiny: Virgo, Pisces
Astrological Hell: Gemini

06-09-2009 stupid useless elric

i am dead now, something that not suppose to be happen already happen or actually it is normal for guy? now i know that actually i am a very bad guy, i think i will be hurting someone sooner and later. net world, it is not a reality world and it can happen a lots of thing that we don't expect. i am feeling very complicated. slowly ba, very short post for some remind for myself.

私はだれを私が好むが、知らないか知りなさいだれを私が今実質またはないである従って私がそれを確認しなければならないことを維持するelric好むか知っている!!

31-08-2009

last year, after graduating from my secondary school, the first job that i get is a cashier in computer cent-re. my parent asked me to work for temporarily because they tell me i will be studying next. everyone know computer cent-re job wont be long because salary will not be high so this will be a perfect temporarily job.
(actually my parent never wanted me to study)

working there actually it is not bad at all because i meet a lot people, the amount can be say countless.. too, not going to mention a lot people or this post will be undone. mention some special things then. actually i am a ragnarok player last time when i am in secondary school, ragnarok is my favorite online game, till now i still very like it..
(working there is a bit suck, salary is very low)

i didn't listen to my mother advise at very first when i start working in computer cent-re.. i get addicted back to ragnarok online.. in the game, i meet stephanie ho hui wen. i know this girl for one years already, didn't contact each other much after exchanging number and email. last night i come back very late to home from, when i touches my computer, she suddenly popped up a chat on me, she tell me that she just come back, so coincidence. she tell me that she cut short of her hair already so i ask her to let me see because she don't seen to like her new hair. honestly her new hair style not bad so i praise her a bit, when i am going to sleep, she greeted me good night and tell me she love me >< add a seriously too.. darn, must be fake but she wont cheat me
(she is a bit like my type because of age and attitude she have)

unveil my secret here, no one knows before
few day ago i know a girl call carmen, she study in hin hua, same school with raven. dont know why this girl feels a bit special to me or i think too much, so now i am single, then i can try go after her. girl that i like, can be say as random or any because i dont mind anything if i really like a girl. she is only 14 this year >

cant fully posted, write other day, good night

27-08-2009 下part (end)

my mother is going to kill me if she know that i am still online at this late hour. i cant sleep now because i want to update this post.

0135

just now i talk on phone for more than one hours, i believe that my phone bill will going to be like hell.. i use my digi number to call a hotlink number..

human is always a type of living things that get emotionate very easily. just like myself, i really feel so uncomfortable till i wanted to cry out, can you guess how stressing am i? and actually whats wrong going on into me? can anyone understand? no, only myself.

i am a very useless guy, dumb and always no confidence to myself, trying to be strong and brave, thought that i can improve myself to be better than always, stronger in anything, but i cant. weak is weak, must accept the true, i feel like crying and i can cry right away.

i am very exhausted now, tomorrow still got work, need to wake up at 0600 to get ready and prepare. what is the time now? i already got three night not enough sleep, tomorrow i will be a very dead at working, hope i can be energetic a bit and fast respond on work.

this type of problem is always very complicated, got one friend tell me that he got a friend that have a very perfect partner, after hearing that, my heart straight away fall.. so it mean i wont have a perfect partner? my confidences level dropped and fall already.

= =
i am too silent recent, no one really know my problem and stuff, even my closest bird don't know whats really happen. i hate flirting and i dont like lying and cheating or not real. i need to change, this is what i know.. no matter how many time i said that, i still will saying that, till now.. dont know when only i can really have the different.

last few day, i tolled someone what i have feel, she just like nothing and okay, i feel so angry because of no respond, feeling down afterward. a stick knife, stick by stick stabbed into my heart with some jealousy feeling. it is not easy to get know to each other to be close like a very close friend. the feeling of jealous and scare someone being take over is really so hard to feels, you only feel pain and crying when yours follow other go.

going to sleep after this
actually it is very stupid and not suppose to be happen or this is what we call things that cannot be explain happened to me? i have gave up a very big heavy bag, now i have another one on my back. feeling so not well

GOOD NIGHT

26-08-2009 上part

i didnt tell anyone about this, i already start keeping and hiding my problem inside my heart, it make my unmasked me feels down.

maybe i make another mistake about this problem again, actually it is what a kid always do and it is normal. whatever, it do feels uncomfortable.

wanted to forget about it, wanted to tell you, can leave me alone for a moment, let me forget about you in a short time but i cant.

whats going on, elric, work, online and sleep, pass your day with this, dont think so much and know a lot people already. work until age twenty something, collect enough money, do own business.

elric is once again having the feeling of thousand chain in heart, all the chain is entangled, very complicated.

suzuku
to be continue...

22-08-2009 my private post

August 19
it is a day that i get know to a girl, everything's start with a very flirty way.. hehe, not going to tell how.

finding a young girl as mate always give me a type of feeling like my younger sister or something because i am originally a brother to a lots of people already.

don't know why i always have some difficulty on talking with some people in phone, maybe i am too shy or not normally with calling people that i don't know. there are a day in night, i requested someone for a call to her, darn.. i am feeling so shy.. just feel like listening her voice again, very cute.

finally, a game that i always say want to join but i didnt, i already joined it, it is XDO, dont know why i will want to play it that eagerly, maybe i got people accompany me? haha. it is a very nice and flirty game with a lots of effect in character after typing a code.

i play XDO with Carmen last night, it is my first time playing this type of dancing game, the feeling is quite nice de when playing it with Carmen. i think she will boring if play with me too much, level differences and song level not suit. haha, i make a kiss on her last night

i think i am having a very special type of feeling again, having a feeling doesnt mean of anything, i am not sure about it so lets confirm it and go after it slowly from start.

short post la, praying, no people visit till i make my new post please

18-08-2009 a late night post before bed time

it already been awhile since the last day i update my blog, there are a lots of thing happen in me, things that is not expected.. luckily so far i didn't make much post at here or this blog will be a very complicated one, actually i am thinking of abandoning this blog because there are too much of stupid post but whatever.. i am still using this, giving up blog is a very stupid things because i will give up all my memory too. just write what i want to write here. actually i am a bit hurry in making this post, rushing for sleeping early, i already told Gina that i will should her my blog so i have to make new post to cover my old post >_< i make too much of stupid post already but i am not going to delete it no matter how, things already happen then just let it be. today is quite fun, actually i plan to do a lots of thing after work today but don't know why it end up with chatting with Gina whole day. i really cant believe that there are someone that made video call with me, just listening to music and voice, the webcam is on but what i see is a desk only ar.. the photo that i uploaded in this post is very long time ago already, my hair already trimed and my hair dont look that that anymore ;p very ugly.. today is my first day feeling so free at working time because i dont have anything to do, just feeling a bit sleepy and tired because of last night, sleep too late already. okay then, i have to end my post now because it is very late already, good night and sweet dream.

Elric 刘裕扬

12-08-2009 dusty blog, wipe wipe

• so long time didnt update my blog already, no mood to update at all
• the time and day that i am not updating my blog, happen so much things
• actually my blog is one of my memory and diary too, haih.. so many memory not written
• so many thing happen but all is okay la
• very short de post, i will be back to blog

there are something happen between me and carrien last few day, i thought that it already become an end. i found out that carrien is with another guy but actually no, this is what she tell me and there are no reason for her to lie me. the photo they take is so close, can even be closer than me, when i first see it, i feel so damn pain because i already hurted so badly. the video they record, i heard they calling each other like husband and wife too. actually i already dont want to be with her. tell you all what, i too love carrien already, if not, i already find another one and dont want her. a lot people dislike her, haih..

08-07-2009 physically tired

sleep on exhausted mode last night, wake up very early this morning.. so sleepy and tired, i already confirm myself of having OT everyday if possible, i got time and energy for it, what i short is mental energy. i never have a proper breakfast every morning, sometime can be nothing in stomach but i problem my lao po try to eat more if possible so that i can grown bigger and not that thin. this morning my father not free to fetch me so i need to get out from my house early for stopping a taxi, an uncle age 70+ fetched me to work, 1936 years, that uncle is very nice, talks to me on the whole way, i am too tired to talk with him. this whole day i act that i am okay to work and OT but actually i already exhausted and very tired, i dont think i can hold it but i will try my best on what am i aftering in future. my work is going very well now, need to learn more and more, the purpose of working is gaining expeerience and learn a lots of things. from my colleague i have learn and know a lots of thing, although his age is not far from me but he is a guy that full with experience on a lots of stuff. from what he say, from what i know, it is true and might be happen. i think twice on it, he is right on a lots of things. my lunch was full, a box of rice, it is damn lots and spicy with some sambal~ my OT is very quick, i mean super quick and mega fast. i feel so fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan, i need someone someone someone someone someone someone to talk or share my feeling, how come my lao po can be the one, why..

lao po, i miss you everyday and night, dream of you everytime when i sleep, think of you always when i am only me, as girl, i know girl will always hope and wish for thier guy be with them everytime, for me, i have the same thinking, i want to be with you always and everything, possible, i want to be everday. i am on a very serious mental exhausted mode, i hope that you can be the one that make me feel relax and fine back, a talk will help. you must always remember this, i am now sacrificing on work.

07-07-2009

Today i wake up at 7am and it will be always. Last night, finally, a call has been made, Carrien will never know how happy am i or she don't know that i miss very very badly. I sleep at 5am if i am not wrong, only 2hours of sleep, went to cheras with my friend again, get caught by Carrien, she know i sleep very late because of going out with friend. Last night is cool and fun but less one people, actually the person that have been left over, he is a quite guy and can't get attention by friend, his mouth will only open when we ask him something. There are a girl call Ah Yee, she say i am a coward in real life, shy and quiet, like to talk big and don't dare to do anythings. This girl mind didn't update, who know that if i am not or i have change? Or i can be a very talkative and wild person? I can lie her just like what i have lies, i act that i don't know what is a kiss with tongue. This is very common and of course i know, i am wondering what it feels. my lunch today, it is GREAT FULL!! i am thinking of working OT and night shift now, experience needed on a good job, work hard for it then.

carrien, i will be working for OT from tomorrow if possible, i need to gain more experience and time for learning and i will be very tired in physical. working on night shift, do you think it is fine for me? time will be less, my working hour will be your not working time and your working time will not be my working time. someone tell me something today, related to a meaning call filter. okay then, short post, good night to all

06-07-2009 almost forget to make post

Wake up a bit late after 7AM today, very tired, last night having some headache that make me feel so exhausted. This morning eat only a piece of mini moon cake then drink something. My current mood is a bit down, don't know whats wrong, actually my work is fine, i like it so much and i will stick to it, it is nothing to do with my job if i am feeling down. Feeling down because of miss someone very badly? This is serious, i am telling everyone that i miss Carrien so much. It is just like, example "if Carrien is in front of me now, i will run to her, hug her tight and cry" this is only some example. I am type of people that don't know how to express mood and feeling. Nothing effect my emotion on working today, done quite well nothing wrong happen. I already qualify for working OT mean i will be working for 12hours a day, can earn more money and gain more experience. If my parent agree, i will slowly work for OT time, i will do anything for experience and money. Working 12hours a day is hell, very abnormal but it is on weekday time so i think it will be okay. Need some agreement from parent, then ask my lao po see how, the work is really very tiring and not easy, use a lots of brain and energy. People always say guy always look younger than women, if i work this way, i think i will look equal with Carrien, wont look younger, it will be great then. When i look younger than Carrien, i will feel like i am still kid. I will make myself got a looks like an adult, go in casino without checking identity card. Hopefully on age 18 or 19. My lunch for today, rice with meat slice, green chili pepper and crab stick, i am SO full with the lunch box! Do you think i got chance to make a lunch box for lao po? Or she will make me one. See lo. Is there any place that me and Carrien and be together a day in weekend time, i mean a place like vacation or something, can stay a day together every weekend. Need to make some plan on transport and more. A guy like me, didn't go out before, what also don't know, so useless. This morning when i am looking for a clothe to wear for work, i noticed, actually i don't have a lots of clothe to wear and i never buy clothe before, all the clothe i wear, it is some DONATE from cousin neighbour and friend. This time i really must have some outfit shipping. I always say i want to save money, what am i aftering? Actually nothing but now, i want to have a car, i want to bring lao po come kepong more often. If i got car, i will be able to do anything and go anywhere, freedom is mine! This is what Raven wont have, freedom, LOL! I will have freedom after owning a car! Cool! Elric jia you! I will try my best to own a car BY this wear IF can and got ability. Wait for me Carrien, it will never be long. today after work, i call carrien two time also not people pick up :( never mind lo..

want to have more time planning one some outing that need a day to spend time together every weekend saving money for a car in future call you always no matter what love you

05-07-2009 short post

wake up very early today, online whole day, i suppose to be going out with my lao po but didn't.. headache!! need to make post daily.. work time really making me feel so stress, although the work is easy and simple, memorizing and more, it is killing me.. i can die, i need lao po a lot :( tomorrow work again, jia you elric, need to sleep early.

There are as many nights as days, and the one is just as long as the other in the year's course. Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word 'happy' would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness.
About suffering they were never wrong, The Old Masters; How well they understood Its human position; how it takes place While someone else is eating or opening a window or just walking dully along.
For everything there is a season,
And a time for every matter under heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die;
A time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal;
A time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh;
A time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to throw away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
A time to embrace, And a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to seek, and a time to lose;
A time to keep, and a time to throw away;
A time to tear, and a time to sew;
A time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate,
A time for war, and a time for peace.

04-07-2009 i dream of you again

today i wake up very early, i dream of lao po again, i still cant think any outing activities with her but i really miss her a lot, i am thinking of going to her house but will i interrupt her parent Sunday resting and family day? that day i go because of being requested.. as long as i can be with her, anywhere will be fine, my work make me feel so stress.. a lots of pressure on memorizing and controlling a machine. no professional teacher and people that teach me is too complicated, although i am clever until dont need to write down some note but i still feel very scare of crushing machine. today i go to work at a bit late but on time, dont need to wait for a long time till everyone reach there. yesterday i already start to control the machine, today i continue my job and finish a model already then extra time nothing to do waiting them to set new parts program. i call lao po after work today, no one picked up again, i will still call her everyday after work. after work i went back home, online until now, so damn boring, tired and sad. my friend ask me to go clubbing tonight but, i dont even have the ability for outing, still want to follow them go? if i got money, i will go for an outing with lao po if course, i already miss her until want to sick. the work make me feel sorrow.. i will stick this job tight no matter what. good night to all. whats my outing with lao po tomorrow, i think dont have :(

"sobbing" i cant go out tomorrow i guess, dont have ability i guess.. try my best if can, wanted to see you so much, want to have some private time together on some talks and more, think of going her house is a bit too late now i guess, maybe i can plan it for next week. i will try my best, work hard to gain experience and life!! first month of working of course it will be a bit hard and tight, jia you ELRIC!! ROAR dumb guy

03-07-2009 myself and my dream

this morning i dream of my lao po, told you that i miss her so much and wanted to see her right, after wake up, i feel so down and sad because the dream have end :( but never mind, i know slowly later i will have ability on see her EVERY WEEK. so what dream i have this morning? sorry, don't really remember but i will tell it by parts

• someone took my phone away to snap photo then when my lao po call me, she say she want to see me right now and quick, at the time i am on genting with parent so it is impossible for me to appear in front of her so i promise her that we will meet after i am back.
• i am walking in a very fresh place in genting mean someplace that not exist, thinking back the first time we meet and slowly went back too the place we have go.
• i really cant think a lot, although the dream said that i am on genting but it is very complicated because i know i got see my lao po in dream.

my body, there are something wrong, not going to reveal or tell everyone, maybe i am weak or thin, thats why this thing happen to me.. i feel like there are a pressure from lung to my heart when i stretch my body, i mean i cant stretch my body because i will feel a pressure from my ribs to heart. my whole body just like damage, including my brain. "will i die if i stretch my lung even if i feel cant breath and so suffer + pain" i dont know, i just cant stretch my body already.

• my heart feel a bit pressure from my lung and ribs when i stretch or move my body
• both of my arm, used over strength, muscle is hurt and injured, from the pain i feel, i will be fine on next month
• my leg, feeling more and more pain and tired because of standing, maybe i should train more so that i leg can be strong, i need the leg energy for some use on something
• breakfast, chocolate oat drink, drink water, eat and drink nothing until 12.30PM then drink water lunch, rice or anything then eat and drink nothing to 7PM then only dinner, the time when i am in home, i need to drink a lot water and eat a lot
• i sleep 12am+ from july1 already, when can sleep early after a call with lao po ne, my sleep will without worry and sweet.

today my father not free to fetch me so i must go out super early for taxi, scare that i can go to work on time, need to spend money on third day already, don't know will my father really start lazy and don't want to fetch me then he will ask me to spent almost RM10+ a day for taxi and food. i want to work and, learn a lots thing and raise my salary quick!! this my the way of my living now, live hard to get something!! no matter how exhausted i get, i don't mind, i can risk my life on it!! of course i will only take a risk, i will not sacrifice, maybe i will, no i cant, there are someone important for me to be take care. love her so much >_< Finally, i can control the machine at last, just not enough skillfull and a bit dumb because of not enough sleep and tired, i miss my lao po so damn much till i can dream of her last night. The learning and controlling is okay, need to absorb slowly and quickly master it, this is what i want, must master the machine. My whole body is aching including some inner organs. Lunch, a dumplings and few piece of cake, i will be hungry very quick, save as much as i can but try not to effect my health. Don't know why everyday i need to disturb people i only feel happy, just some simple disturb that can make people angry and got smoke come out from head. I don't mean to disturb, just wanted to make myself release some feeling of numb on brain. Everyday on lunch time, i will have extra more than half hour times, i am thinking of converting some video to phone and watch. I am downloading masked rider kabuto recently, got time to download, no time so watch so i will try to save it too phone and watch. Masked rider kabuto is a very nice series with handsome japanese guy that look cool. How i hope i got a friend like him, i don't mean my other friends don't look good, LOL. "ROAR" my friend didn't call me out for a long time already, i want to go to cheras with then but i got work now. I am thinking, and wanted to plan, is there anyway for me to be with lao po whole day till night, either staying go home, out for a vacation or to a resort in someplace.. This coming saturday and sunday, lets have a plan then, midvalley will be the easiest for me. after my lunch, everything goes fine, learn slowly absorb slowly but must master everything quick, i feel so damn stress, a lots of pressure, i scare i will make mistake, i scare i cant master the machine. today after work, i mean why this three day after work i call my lao po also cant get through.. i will call everyday. tonight i MUST sleep early. show you the machine that i control in my working place

 

"this weekend de outing plan le ma? i want to see you so much o " i don't know where to go or should go yet, out for a movies, or how leh. i don't have car so it is a bit hard and cant go much place, my father say he will get me a car quick, hopefully by this year, i already cant stand of CANT see lao po, work hard a bit then i will get car quick, my father only do some simple support. jia you!! the dream i got last night really making me T^T when i wake up, i can feel that my soul is away from my body.. don't know where it wonder already.. "ARGH" i should plan all those outing right, darn..