special happy day .. hm..

my cute honey carmen =) wo de zui ai.. it is a very tiring day, dont know am i able to write a lot or not. i am quite shock when i know jia wen told her mother about me, luckily nothing bad happen, if her biao jie, then finish lu..her mother is a nice person actually but a bit corrupted in attitude and ways of treating, it is a fine one, not ask worse as her lo.

today me go midvalley with jia wen, so happy, then got meet my friend, color wolf, hamsap zai. wo de jia wen is so cute de lo, so many people like her de.

jia wen got come my house also, first time a girl i bring come to my house, she even went to my room and locked too but didnt do anything >< kissed in house =) feel so nice de, then hug, then she got sleep with me, so nice.

at movie, storm rider II not yet finish watch, not bad, quite nice, do something in movie too, hen shuang, thirsty kiss ><

tired tired lu, remark at blog, my memories

...

post end ;)

wo hen ai jia wen o

taste of love

actually i am a bit upset on the time when pass 12am because i like wishing a lot more than a present.. she didnt greet me also but it is fine because she greet me a lot more than other people. sometime i am a bit cant stand the feel of commanding but it is okay.
my birthday, first time feeling so high and nice, it is on my birthday too, greatest gift!! love you so much, giving me such a nice feel and present. happiest moment in life, highest moment too.
we watches too movie, twilight new moon and JUMP, it is so nice, enjoying watching movie with kissing, very nice, feel very nice.
no one will believe that i almost or already loses my first time or almost, cant write here because it is sx21 hoho, done something very high, i dont believe myself actually try or do it, i really feel high and nice but i cannot do too much because i scare kena ar..
kiss, hug kiss, tight hug kiss, close contact with each other, squeezing, taking off, try try, see see, touch touch, taste taste, put put xD what the hell?

it is my greatest birthday, thanks, short post

no one know my post

shit browser make me rewrite my blog. there are something upset me and it is repeat again, over and over, i almost fed-up already.what can i do? you are dropping this command, you want to do or not? don't want do then suan, don't want care you. this is okay if it is just for playing. starting, yes, everything is just like playing, time longer, i cant breath anymore, she is choking me to death. okay, don't say the old case, say the current one first. she is asking me to call my boss now or she will ignore me. asking me to take leave for tomorrow, i already told her, boss is not nonchargeable for this because he is not in the office or working there, then i dont have other staff number plus i promise people that i am going to work on 8am, i need to go even if i know later i have to leave for an outing. i really hope i can have a nice birthday outing even if it is late one or simple without anything. darn it, my problem here is, i say it is okay then okay, dont ask me to this and that or you will ignore, okay, suan, not effecting anything.

you done something very wrong already, i know it is good for me but you do it on wrong way, you will slowly minus some mark from you to me. you cant ask or command someone on this matters, you are giving stress and pressure, making someone feel bad and hard. i already listen enough of you, but of course, you are the biggest one, who dare to disobey you? you say what ma what la, ignore me? it is your problem already. 8december2009 end.. + feedback, hm.. you should try understand my feel and problem, you think too much about yourself already and doesnt care about me at all. okay, it is okay..

mental illness insomnia night

i dont know whats wrong with my lung got problem like last time again but i know and think it is temporarily, wont have any big problem or how. i got a yu gan tell me if got people punch my heart, i might lose my life but boy fight dont beat the heart so fine. actually i can confirm to myself it is fine, no big deal, what can happen to me? nothing.
last night, i think i am having insomnia, long time no kena already because i always have a nice sleep, nothing to be worried, nothing can make me feel hard. but, there are something giving me pressure, she ask me to checkout whats on me. my family and everyone dont do body check because my father is a very kolot and stupid, he hates bla bla checking so same to me, but body checking is okay to me, i like because i can know my body status.
asking me to check, it is okay but i will start feeling stress and having, pressure all bursted up, how am i going to go? do i have enough money, is it free if i go jinjang there? it take a long time? whats the big reason to me to go? it is nothing at all plus wasting time. it is fuck! if i tell my parent i want to go to check check, shit up la. all of them suck, hate them.
jia wen, ni yao jia you, ni bu kai xin or feel bu hao, wo ye hui feel bu hao, wo zhi dao ni shi hen qiang de, jia you.

saturday sunday outing 18/19 october 2009

"Saturday outing with Carmen, it is my first time going to sunway lagoon and playing water there. learn how to swim for my time on water, very nice!! first time so near to girl, first time a girl on my back. Sunday my first ever date, goes to me with Annie, darn, will it be a bit waste because i am not with my really girlfriend. whatever.. i don't know whether should set my blog to private or not because there are too many things or secret make me cant share here.. damn stressing but okay lar, keep lo"

刘裕扬 Hoo Yik Yang Although the wound is bleeding but the pain will fade away as time goes by, wound will recover faster if apply medicine but the wound in the heart is difficult, it is difficult to heal and it might not be healed in a life time

stupid job and sorry carmen

"i think i am going to lose a job soon, actually i know i cant work long already but i didn't quit, i need money to survive and i don't want to waste time if i can work. after losing this job, i really don't know what can i do afterward. Annie tell me his company is hiring people, sales coordinator, i really don't have confidence for doing this type of job, so far, i only know how to operate a machine and it is already my profession. if i can have this type of work then nice but not so lucky.. maybe i should try that work if it is find, location is quite near and okay. by the way, i need to have two job too, part time"one more thing, don't know why i felt so sorry to Carmen, not because of cheating her or how, it is my problem, i think i don't like her anymore, not because my heart is change, it is because the feeling is dead, i like to be in single life and want to be single, i have more freedom when i am single, this is what i think. i don't want to effect Carmen examination so i will tell her that i want to break up with her when we meet, i have no choice and i don't want to make her hurt more, okay then, end post"

刘裕扬 Hoo Yik Yang Although the wound is bleeding but the pain will fade away as time goes by, wound will recover faster if apply medicine but the wound in the heart is difficult, it is difficult to heal and it might not be healed in a life time

my first Saturday night in sanctuary 10-10-2009 unforgettable

"last night, it is my first night going to sanctuary clubbing with friend, my motive and reason for going there is have fun and see only but i am overload, i drink too much till i spin into those dancing. luckily i don't know how to dance shuffle or i already fly there, quite shit when i know i cant dance. i didn't really felt any sorry Carmen last night even if i know i got girlfriend, very disappointed why my partner cant be her but whatever  la. the drinks was nice and i feel so damn high and nice, i thought that i will stand only but i dance at there. i don't believe a shy man like me can have a dancing partner, first time experiences it and feel so high. i cant describe my feeling here very it is too nice >< too many story, ask me too call you if want to know more"

刘裕扬 Hoo Yik Yang Although the wound is bleeding but the pain will fade away as time goes by, wound will recover faster if apply medicine but the wound in the heart is difficult, it is difficult to heal and it might not be healed in a life time

i want to hide myself

"don't know why.. the feeling of i am not belong at here is back, i feel like don't want to stay at here le la T^T i want to keep my friend in home, only anime and life, that's all.. i feel very down because i am too useless and lame.. why am i so this? i don't want to back to my anime life, it make me stay in home always. but, i am still in house always without anime but online. okay now, what am i writing? i feel myself very useless from other, a very useless and tak guna punya.. dont need to proof or how, my life is already very miserable, luen 7 8 jou.. hopeless geh la me.. chat me in msn to know more hyikyang@yahoo.com"

刘裕扬 Hoo Yik Yang Although the wound is bleeding but the pain will fade away as time goes by, wound will recover faster if apply medicine but the wound in the heart is difficult, it is difficult to heal and it might not be healed in a life time

wealthiness attract

"now i remember something that i see, a very realistic de image, i dont know, am i suppose to write it out but just write ba.. money and wealthiness attract people.. i know what it mean gao liao. i see with my own eye, a person wealthiness will attract people automatically, very geng.. i hope i can own some ability of something always but whatever la.. i am despair T^T cincai la, rich people is like that de, i want to stick to rich people too"

刘裕扬 Hoo Yik Yang Although the wound is bleeding but the pain will fade away as time goes by, wound will recover faster if apply medicine but the wound in the heart is difficult, it is difficult to heal and it might not be healed in a life time

jia wen de ai

"haha, my bao bei so cute de lo, she write that thing in school, and posted it to facebook ;p she seen to like me a lot and very much and i very appreciate her love to me and i will very love her too >< our time on meeting each other is super less because i got work.. if i dont have work, i can find her always after she finish her school.. being human like me is very despair actually.. mood down liao.. nice image o jia wen^^ xi huan ni"

刘裕扬 Hoo Yik Yang Although the wound is bleeding but the pain will fade away as time goes by, wound will recover faster if apply medicine but the wound in the heart is difficult, it is difficult to heal and it might not be healed in a life time

huh? what a night.. darn..

"last few day ago Annie asked me to go for a BBQ with her friend, i didn't for any type of place like this, gathering with a lots of people that i don't know, quite hard to get along well because we're different world person but of course there are still way that i can be friend with them, it will be, i am the another type of person to them. so what else? just write some feeling, not my story.. actually i was hoping myself to have more outing with people and i already start to dare myself for going anywhere, my friend ask, i go, that's all. actually i am feeling quite stress last night, seeing a lots of people that very good in talking, why can i be them but actually i am one of them? honestly i am a type of people that talks a lot and joke a lot plus like to make fun and fooling, i just cant get to use it with friend or people that i don't know. quite despair and hopeless, last night before going out, quarrel with my mother awhile, say i am very picky on clothing -_-' what do she mean by picky? i don't have choice to choose. three cans of tiger 5% alcohol level in one shoot, i already feel dizzy on second cans, am i that weak or actually it is normal? feeling despair ma drink la, need reason geh meh? actually i want more but i think i will fall if i drink the fifth can.. whatever.. Annie now, look and attitude still dont really mature yet though she already not like last time but still same.. then the Koo Pui Yee, it already been awhile since the last day i see her, few year jor lo. last night i speak wrong something, actually i wanted to go home early with Annie gah but i say 'fan sin la' then they think i say 'lei fan sin la' so i back home late and give her abandon jor. haih, make new blog liao so there will be more update coming, hoho, my update is random time and day"

刘裕扬 Hoo Yik Yang Although the wound is bleeding but the pain will fade away as time goes by, wound will recover faster if apply medicine but the wound in the heart is difficult, it is difficult to heal and it might not be healed in a life time

19-09-2009 Souji Tendou

Throughout the series, it’s been noted that the main protagonist, Souji Tendou would always quote from his adoptive grandmother. In other episodes, his step-sister, Jyuka Tendou would also quote from her grandmother as well. To contradict this, Tsurugi Kamishiro had also chipped in quotes from his butler, Jiiya.

Grandmother said this…

• Walking the path of heaven, the man who will rule everything.
• Make the world revolve around you. It’s more fun to think that way.
• When people love others, they become weaker, but it is nothing to be ashamed of. True weakness lies elsewhere.
• When not close by, one is even closer.
• Chase two birds, and you catch two birds.
• People who steal things, lose something even more important.
• It is enjoyable to eat something delicious, but the greatest joy is the time spent waiting for it.
• If you wish it to be so, luck will always be on your side.
• Flowers can make any girl glow.
• All girls are equally beautiful.
• A knife can only bring happiness when used in cooking.
• Fancy flavors cannot hide poor cooking.
• It is fun to add a secret flavor so that no one knows. But… it’s more fun to find it.
• The whisper of the devil can sometimes sound like an angel’s voice.
• One that drowns in oneself will eventually fall to darkness.
• Even if the world were full of enemies, there is someone you must protect.
• If you receive a little kindness, give them a large serving.
• Imitating others is not bad, for it is to recognize ourselves.
• Once you know the real thing… you won’t be fooled by an imitation.
• Children are treasures. The greatest sin in this world is to damage those treasures.
• During meals an angel descends, for it is a sacred time.
• There are two things men must not do. One is to not make girls cry…The other is to not handle food crudely!
• The sun is wonderful, it can make even the dirt shine.
• Life is a long path to a goal. Drop your heavy luggage and enjoy walking with your hands empty.
• Men must be cool. Boiling water is but vapor.
• The wishes of the children are the future reality…Adults that laugh at such dreams are no longer human.
• A bond is a deep connection that cannot be broken. Even if apart, heart and heart are connected.
• My evolution is faster than the light. Nothing in the whole universe can keep up with my evolution.

08-09-2009 The answers given to the questions have been shown to have a relevance to values and ideals that we hold in our personal lives.

You are walking in the woods with myself. myself is the most important person in your life.

You see a dog. The size of the animal is representative of your perception of the size of your problems.

You scare. with the animal? The severity of the interaction you have with the animal is representative of how you deal with your problems. (passively/aggressively)

You walk deeper in the woods. You enter a clearing and before you is your Dream House. It is large. The size of your dream house is representative of the size of your ambition to resolve your problems.

Is your dream house surrounded by a fence? You answered no. No fence is indicative of an open personality. People are welcome at all times. The presence of a fence indicates a closed personality. You´d prefer people not to drop by unannounced.

You enter the house. You walk to the dining area and see the dining table. Around are on and around the table. If your answer did not include food, people, or flowers, then you are generally unhappy.

You exit the house through the back door. Lying in the grass is a cup. The cup is made of glass. . The durability of the material with which the cup is made of is representative of the perceived durability of your relationship with myself. For example, styrafoam, plastic, and paper are all disposable, styrofoam, paper and glass are not durable, and metal and plastic are durable.

You bring home. Your disposition of the cup is representative of your attitude towards myself

08-09-2009 Love test result

Below are the analysis result

Dear Elric 刘裕扬, below are your love test result:

1. The road represents your attitude towards falling in love. You chose the short road. You fall in love quickly and easily. (very quick end too)

2. The number of red roses represents how much you give in a relationship, while the number of white represents what you expect in return. You give 100% and expect 0% in return. (i give everything without expecting any return)

3. This question represents your attitude towards handling relationship problems. You like to get the person yourself. You are a more direct person and like to work out problems immediately. (that's why when my friend wanted to invite girl to me, i rather find one myself)

4. The placement of the roses determines how much you like seeing your boy/girlfriend. You place the roses on the bed. You like to see him/her a lot. (i will like to see my love one always)

5. This represents your attitude towards his/her personality. You prefer the person to be asleep, you love the person the way s/he is. (this is true)

6. The road to home tells how long you stay in love with someone. You chose the longer road. You will tend to stay in love for a long time. (of course)

too complicated le, this stuff and that stuff, house, work, life, parent, money, ability, my happiness, and my mood, where is it now. feeling down because of small problem, being offend very easily. hate being myself now, want this no this, life is so unhappy.

For Elric 刘裕扬 who have zodiac Sagitarius, below are their perfect match criteria :

Perfect Partners: Aries, Leo
Nearly Perfect Partners: Libra, Aquarius
Like Minded Souls: Sagittarius
Opposites Youre Attracted To: Taurus, Cancer
Learn From Your Differences: Scorpio, Capricorn
Not Your Destiny: Virgo, Pisces
Astrological Hell: Gemini

06-09-2009 stupid useless elric

i am dead now, something that not suppose to be happen already happen or actually it is normal for guy? now i know that actually i am a very bad guy, i think i will be hurting someone sooner and later. net world, it is not a reality world and it can happen a lots of thing that we don't expect. i am feeling very complicated. slowly ba, very short post for some remind for myself.

私はだれを私が好むが、知らないか知りなさいだれを私が今実質またはないである従って私がそれを確認しなければならないことを維持するelric好むか知っている!!

31-08-2009

last year, after graduating from my secondary school, the first job that i get is a cashier in computer cent-re. my parent asked me to work for temporarily because they tell me i will be studying next. everyone know computer cent-re job wont be long because salary will not be high so this will be a perfect temporarily job.
(actually my parent never wanted me to study)

working there actually it is not bad at all because i meet a lot people, the amount can be say countless.. too, not going to mention a lot people or this post will be undone. mention some special things then. actually i am a ragnarok player last time when i am in secondary school, ragnarok is my favorite online game, till now i still very like it..
(working there is a bit suck, salary is very low)

i didn't listen to my mother advise at very first when i start working in computer cent-re.. i get addicted back to ragnarok online.. in the game, i meet stephanie ho hui wen. i know this girl for one years already, didn't contact each other much after exchanging number and email. last night i come back very late to home from, when i touches my computer, she suddenly popped up a chat on me, she tell me that she just come back, so coincidence. she tell me that she cut short of her hair already so i ask her to let me see because she don't seen to like her new hair. honestly her new hair style not bad so i praise her a bit, when i am going to sleep, she greeted me good night and tell me she love me >< add a seriously too.. darn, must be fake but she wont cheat me
(she is a bit like my type because of age and attitude she have)

unveil my secret here, no one knows before
few day ago i know a girl call carmen, she study in hin hua, same school with raven. dont know why this girl feels a bit special to me or i think too much, so now i am single, then i can try go after her. girl that i like, can be say as random or any because i dont mind anything if i really like a girl. she is only 14 this year >

cant fully posted, write other day, good night

27-08-2009 下part (end)

my mother is going to kill me if she know that i am still online at this late hour. i cant sleep now because i want to update this post.

0135

just now i talk on phone for more than one hours, i believe that my phone bill will going to be like hell.. i use my digi number to call a hotlink number..

human is always a type of living things that get emotionate very easily. just like myself, i really feel so uncomfortable till i wanted to cry out, can you guess how stressing am i? and actually whats wrong going on into me? can anyone understand? no, only myself.

i am a very useless guy, dumb and always no confidence to myself, trying to be strong and brave, thought that i can improve myself to be better than always, stronger in anything, but i cant. weak is weak, must accept the true, i feel like crying and i can cry right away.

i am very exhausted now, tomorrow still got work, need to wake up at 0600 to get ready and prepare. what is the time now? i already got three night not enough sleep, tomorrow i will be a very dead at working, hope i can be energetic a bit and fast respond on work.

this type of problem is always very complicated, got one friend tell me that he got a friend that have a very perfect partner, after hearing that, my heart straight away fall.. so it mean i wont have a perfect partner? my confidences level dropped and fall already.

= =
i am too silent recent, no one really know my problem and stuff, even my closest bird don't know whats really happen. i hate flirting and i dont like lying and cheating or not real. i need to change, this is what i know.. no matter how many time i said that, i still will saying that, till now.. dont know when only i can really have the different.

last few day, i tolled someone what i have feel, she just like nothing and okay, i feel so angry because of no respond, feeling down afterward. a stick knife, stick by stick stabbed into my heart with some jealousy feeling. it is not easy to get know to each other to be close like a very close friend. the feeling of jealous and scare someone being take over is really so hard to feels, you only feel pain and crying when yours follow other go.

going to sleep after this
actually it is very stupid and not suppose to be happen or this is what we call things that cannot be explain happened to me? i have gave up a very big heavy bag, now i have another one on my back. feeling so not well

GOOD NIGHT

26-08-2009 上part

i didnt tell anyone about this, i already start keeping and hiding my problem inside my heart, it make my unmasked me feels down.

maybe i make another mistake about this problem again, actually it is what a kid always do and it is normal. whatever, it do feels uncomfortable.

wanted to forget about it, wanted to tell you, can leave me alone for a moment, let me forget about you in a short time but i cant.

whats going on, elric, work, online and sleep, pass your day with this, dont think so much and know a lot people already. work until age twenty something, collect enough money, do own business.

elric is once again having the feeling of thousand chain in heart, all the chain is entangled, very complicated.

suzuku
to be continue...

22-08-2009 my private post

August 19
it is a day that i get know to a girl, everything's start with a very flirty way.. hehe, not going to tell how.

finding a young girl as mate always give me a type of feeling like my younger sister or something because i am originally a brother to a lots of people already.

don't know why i always have some difficulty on talking with some people in phone, maybe i am too shy or not normally with calling people that i don't know. there are a day in night, i requested someone for a call to her, darn.. i am feeling so shy.. just feel like listening her voice again, very cute.

finally, a game that i always say want to join but i didnt, i already joined it, it is XDO, dont know why i will want to play it that eagerly, maybe i got people accompany me? haha. it is a very nice and flirty game with a lots of effect in character after typing a code.

i play XDO with Carmen last night, it is my first time playing this type of dancing game, the feeling is quite nice de when playing it with Carmen. i think she will boring if play with me too much, level differences and song level not suit. haha, i make a kiss on her last night

i think i am having a very special type of feeling again, having a feeling doesnt mean of anything, i am not sure about it so lets confirm it and go after it slowly from start.

short post la, praying, no people visit till i make my new post please

18-08-2009 a late night post before bed time

it already been awhile since the last day i update my blog, there are a lots of thing happen in me, things that is not expected.. luckily so far i didn't make much post at here or this blog will be a very complicated one, actually i am thinking of abandoning this blog because there are too much of stupid post but whatever.. i am still using this, giving up blog is a very stupid things because i will give up all my memory too. just write what i want to write here. actually i am a bit hurry in making this post, rushing for sleeping early, i already told Gina that i will should her my blog so i have to make new post to cover my old post >_< i make too much of stupid post already but i am not going to delete it no matter how, things already happen then just let it be. today is quite fun, actually i plan to do a lots of thing after work today but don't know why it end up with chatting with Gina whole day. i really cant believe that there are someone that made video call with me, just listening to music and voice, the webcam is on but what i see is a desk only ar.. the photo that i uploaded in this post is very long time ago already, my hair already trimed and my hair dont look that that anymore ;p very ugly.. today is my first day feeling so free at working time because i dont have anything to do, just feeling a bit sleepy and tired because of last night, sleep too late already. okay then, i have to end my post now because it is very late already, good night and sweet dream.

Elric 刘裕扬