saddiest thing

hope i am availble on FEB16, this is an auto post i write on FEB14 11:20 AM

if i cant get back, it mean something terrible will happen, just like my prediction

carmen, i love you

heart being locked?

everyone have a heart, a heart that is very weak when they face thing about L.U.V. a lots of people always tell itself, i wont fall to anyone anymore (after breaking up) but most of them end up married. being hurt is temporarily and the wound in heart will recover. this is a very simple common reason, a human mind will slowly change, wont maintain a types of thinking forever.

after the first incident, i really hurt like hell, i am not breaking up, but being cheated.. i find out that she is having outing with other guy without my knowing. then lie's on me a lot. one stupid thing i never know, i used a lots of money on her, reloading and bank-in.. how come i am so stupid? thing already pass. after this injuries.. i have learn a lot. sweet talk, i dont have feel to it anymore and it is disgusting plus i have a grudge feel too.

my next love, my last one and my only one, hm.. will it be? everyone say relationship wont last song that easily.. you believe? of course i am. a relationship is troubling stuff, create a lots problem and unhappy thing, but it also give a lots of fun and happiness + memory too. love is sweet. maybe i am short in experience for being together with someone.. the problem i find out in myself.. is this the problem that cause ending in relationship?

i find out that i didnt take my first valentines seriously, i am just like fed up already.. when i really have mood for it.. something not right always keep on popping up.. making me pissing off.. did i really told someone about this? nah.. not even my closest sms friend xD sorry girl, haha. by the way.. is it wrong to feel pissing off and fed up? huh?

honestly, truthfully,  and seriously.. am i still **** her? lol..

YES, i am.. i still love her a lot, i love being with her and i love the feel.. but there are something not right in between us.. i wonder, will either one of us say END? 100% she will be the one that say it in future, not me. my promise, never leave her. in my prediction, she will be the one that leave me someday.. hope it will change.

 hm.. just like what i have said FEB16 a nightmare .. please pray for me.. be strong elric, you can do it ;) cb post, finish, publish!!!!!

my latest outing on 12feb

huh? it is a very tiring outing.. wake up earlier .. 7am something i guess.. actually i cant wait to watch my movies >< koizora and ponyo.. they will be leaving me T_T borrowed to my dear, hope she take care it well. i watch a bit of this two movie before i pack it to my bag, koizora not bad, it is a very nice movie, i am so proud of that hiro, hope to be him and i like that naive little kid in ponyo movie. i dont have time to finish the movie, it is too long already T^T i went out on 10.30am actually i already late on this time but whatever, i am out already.

koizora is a very dramatic movies, the guy hiro teaches me a lots of thing, be dare and strong. protect the one you love is always a guy mission, whoever that fail it, it is a dead to them. i promise that i will protect carmen and so, i will do it. wont let her fall on any bad condition, try my best to make her feel that i am always with her.

today i went to bukit tinggi jusco in klang, from kepong.. is it cool? i went by train and taxi, walao, so jam and dizzy when i am on the way.. almost thrown out, luckily.. no @@ finally meet that jillin and lun.. huh? jilin look very giant and big, i always thought that she is a tiny one, just like zile size but, walao, gigantic eh..

we watch 3 movies on that day, the first movie T_T not nice at all, dont like, got people so scare de.. second movie NICE xD shh, third movie :( got to leave but okay la not bad, feel nice. buy couple T.

lol dont feel like writing anything already,

elric's blog

huh.. a very complicated and nice one my blog.. this blog feel a bit of laggy.. i already do my best to reduce lag but still whatever la, maybe it is my connection problem or what? please tell me if my blog is very very lag .. i will try to make it no lag i think i already have a perfect one but still.. actually i want to get a custom layout but original and simple one can liao la, dont need to so luan.. right. just a simple post nia, not a real post.. will make more post afterward. this blog is offically open beta!! woohoo!! cool man!!

okay now, almost forget something .. my relationship problem.. i think i dont know how to handle it or i dont have enough experience.. i just like, almost fail my life.. a lots problem happen like misunderstanding or dont understand each other well.. when talk about it only, it will stubborn is the problem, and a type of attitude then doesn't listen to advice given.. not understand or .. i dont know but i already try my best to say..

things i predict i can feel that un-happy stuff will happen again.. she say wont and promise me but i feel never wrong except i get fall information of someone, i can feel and know some people hao lian a bit cannot mie lol ok la, post end ;) will be back with more post

love u o jia wen

a silent voice

Jia wen, ni hui bu hui hen qi guai wei shen me wo hui write this gei ni, qi shi wo write this gei ni you specia de yi shi de o. wo bu zhi dao qi shi dao di ni ming bu ming bai wo xie de thing ying wei wo write pin yin gen English yi qi.
Wo write English pa ni hui bu ming, write pin yin pa hui cuo shuo yi, so wo cai write English gen pin yin together, xiang ni ming bai er yi lo. Wo first time ren shi ni shi zai facebook de message. Na ge shi hou wo shi dui ni write hen shen de English.. wo yi wei zai hin hua school de ren, English yi ding hen hao de but qi shi bus hi >< Chong wo first time zhi dao got Carmen chieong, wo jiu dui ta hen you xin qu xiang yao ren shi ta le but hen mei you xing xin de. Wo zhen de you xiang guo wo wen dao di you mei you ke neng de last time, hai mei gen ni zai yi qi de shi hou. Ni first time call wo shi use house phone de, xiang jiu zhi dao shi ni liao. First time thing dao ni de sound de shi you wo jiu yi jing hen jing zhang, gan jue guai guai le, hen xiang gen ni talk phone. Jing zhang also want talk and wo xiang liao jie gen zhi dao ni de shuo you. Then wo men jiu yi qi wan sdo le. Shi ni dai wo wan sdo de, bu ran wo dou bu ke neng qu learn or play. Na ge shi hou gen ni wan de time jiu man man dui ni you gan jue de and wo shi first time gen nv shen zai game kao dao na me jing de lo. Gan jue hen hao de gen ni play sdo, wo hen xi huan. Last time wo bu zhi dao qi shi ni pei wo wan sdo, play easy de song ni hui hen boring, shuo yi wo cai every time jiao ni pei. Hen xiang ask ni, qi shi ni bu boring de ma? Pei wo wan sdo low level de song, last time. Dao wo dui ni you hao gan de shi hou wo jiu mei tian zai think ni gen dream dou kan dao ni. Wo mei you pian ni de, shi zhen de. Wo first time dui ni shuo wo ai ni shi zai wo fang gong de time then yao shang che hu jia de shi hou. Ni ying gai forget le gua, hoho. Then ni first time dui wo shuo ni ai wo de time, shi zai wan shang wo jiao ni say de. Qi shi zai hen jiu last time ni yi jing zhi dao wo dui ni you hao gan. But ni jiu hao xiang shen me dou bu li and bu believe de then mei tian zai jia jia. You yi tian yudine gen wo shuo le something, gei wo zhi dao qi shi ni shi zai qi pian wo, ni shi you gen ren jiao wang de. Na ge shi hou wo hen shang.. wo zai thing, wo hao xiang you lai bei girl pian le. Wo jiu bu li ni liao. Wo na ge shi hou dui ni hen shi wang. Then ne, ni jiu hao xiang bu li wo gan shou, mei tian zai gen wo shuo ni gen people de shi. Ni zhi dao wo hen bu kai xin de ma ru guo ni tell wo na xie thing? Remember na ge shi hou ma? Wo men first time meet, shi wo first time qu dao klang so far de place, yi ge ren learn go and think zhen yang. Na ge shi hou wo yi jing shi shuan shuo xi huan ni liao de but bu gan qu.. hen xiang tuo ni de shou but bu gan. Gen ni first time go out, wo hen kai xin o na yi tian, meet le hen duo friend, hen hao ^^ Wo bu shi you yi duan shi jian dui ni mei you gan jue, dui ma? Na ge shi hou shi wo dui ni shuo bu chu wo ai ni le, wo gen zi ji shuo, wo hao xiang mei you zai think ni le.. qi shi zai wo gen ni fen liao de na ge time.. wo shi hai you mei tian de zai think ni.. dao le wo men zai meet de time, wo de feel hui lai le  you zai xi huan ni le. Wo ai nib u shi ni ke ai, nian ching or shen me de, shi ying wei wo dui ni you yi zhong hen special de gan jue, hen xiang yao gen ni zai yi qi, hen xing fu de feel. Gen ni yi qi wo cai hui de dao zhen de kai xin. Ni hui gei wo yi zhong hen shuang gen hen shu fu de feel, gen ni zai yi qi zhen de shi hao. Sunway lagoon, ni remember ma? Wo yong yuan bu hui wang le na tian de, shi zai tai kai xin gen wo mei you qu guo, gen jue hen hao. First time gen girl so near de then got yong bao de, but do shen me dou hen bu gan de lo >_< hen xiang bao ni, qian ni de shou, hoho, bu cuo de feel o. na tian gen ni wan de hen kai xin.
Qi shi wo hui everytime think ni hai xiao, hai mei zhang da, yi dian jiu fa pi qi, hen bu chen sou then ne yi dian bu xi huan jiu bu shuang, de bu dao xiang yao de thing jiu hen shen qi, hen bu nai fan and gan jue bu hao jiu hen angry le then ne shen me dou hao xiang hen bu hao de. Wo hui think, qi shi ni you mei you xiang guo this shi bu hao de ma or think xia wo or other people hui zhen yang think or gan jue hui zhen yang? Qi shi girl shi ying gai you this de tai du bu ran jiu bu wan mei. Wo zai zi le there kan dao ni de ying zhi, jiu hao xiang yi dian jiu angry de, dao na ge time wo jiu zhi dao girl qi shi hen easy angry de. Boy jiu shi yao you ke yi ren girl cai ke yi gen ta yong yuan de, dui ma?
Wo you chen jing xiang guo wo men dao di you mei you wei lai, hm.. wo ying gai qu xiang yi ding hui you cai dui. Wei shen me you hui xiang dao you mei you ne? or shi wo hui pao qi? Or shi ni hui pao qi wo? Hm.. wo jiu ying gai bu hui do dao na me chan ren de shi gua.. dang ran bu hui lo. Confirm bu hui.
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Haha, next time cai zai write guo ba, hao xiang mei shen me hao write de liao

[Silent post to you 29-01-2009 5:15 PM] right after a phone call ;)

Disappointed to myself on this post

;)

this type of feeling is very unique, deep inside the heart.. you wont have any wound or see any blood flooding but you will have the feeling of injuries and pain till you cant breath and your eye will flow up tear even thought that you don't feel like crying. quotes like "Although the wound is bleeding but the pain will fade away as time goes by, wound will recover faster if apply medicine but the wound in the heart is difficult, it is difficult to heal and it might not be healed in a life time" who agree? who believe i make own quotes? geng leh

;(

just like what i have expected, she will mad when she cant have thing that she want. this attitude really sucks, thought that every girl are same, said by yi suen. obviously it is not.. i dont know what to do now, really, i am so mad and angry. she wanted to have last meet on sunday, so she must want? if not? she must accept is cannot, not everything you want, you can have it. what can you do if you just get mad about it? i dont know how to explain and teach you because you wont hear or realize your mistake. i think this must be de main reason and why i leave her before, it is because i dont understand her enough, whats the different if i know her more now? i cant still change the fact that she is so immature and childish, a very reasonable too and dont know how to think about others difficulty, only wants what she want.. proven that.. each time when she say, i will listen everything you commands, she will no, dont want.

end post for a moment, darn it

remember what i told you?

?? you just like forgetting something about relationship stuff, maybe you are a bit too young for it and i should admit that i am with a little girl now.. i am just like a suck, with a little girl??

she still haven't really know how to think about someone feels, only think about own.

example,when you do something, dont think about own only, try think about others, you will know more.. let's make an example from myself and what i am experience..

mark this date and read properly, this post is base on myself and correct date.

she is going to go back on Monday, she wanted me to accompany till her last moment to klang, i have no problem with it. okay, her mind and think now is, she want me to go no matter what, didn't about my difficulty.. doesn't ask too.. same like how i find her at klang, didnt even know how much i already sacrifices for her, still think that maybe i am temporarily to her only.

obvious all because i love her, thats all, i wanted her to learn to be more caring, mature, don't always mad on what you cant get, i will love you more if you are good. have to change to be more mature.i already loosed my confidence on helping you for change, it is yourself already, not a lot people can stand it.

hm.. k now, lets see

??

Hm...

It is like something we cal too over...? I don’t know how to write it in English. Example, everyone know we can’t always fulfill someone wish by their request. Okay, you have what you wanted always now. One day if you can’t get what you want, you will be like, I want, I must want, I don’t care or ELSE. Can anyone understand what I mean? This situation is a bit like her but a bit different. She just want what she want, or she will like, whatever, can’t get then just feeling mad and not good about, won’t have a type of thinking like, can’t have okay, maybe I will have it next time.

Can’t get what she wanted, huh? Once she want, she must want it or.. ;( something like that..

special happy day .. hm..

my cute honey carmen =) wo de zui ai.. it is a very tiring day, dont know am i able to write a lot or not. i am quite shock when i know jia wen told her mother about me, luckily nothing bad happen, if her biao jie, then finish lu..her mother is a nice person actually but a bit corrupted in attitude and ways of treating, it is a fine one, not ask worse as her lo.

today me go midvalley with jia wen, so happy, then got meet my friend, color wolf, hamsap zai. wo de jia wen is so cute de lo, so many people like her de.

jia wen got come my house also, first time a girl i bring come to my house, she even went to my room and locked too but didnt do anything >< kissed in house =) feel so nice de, then hug, then she got sleep with me, so nice.

at movie, storm rider II not yet finish watch, not bad, quite nice, do something in movie too, hen shuang, thirsty kiss ><

tired tired lu, remark at blog, my memories

...

post end ;)

wo hen ai jia wen o

taste of love

actually i am a bit upset on the time when pass 12am because i like wishing a lot more than a present.. she didnt greet me also but it is fine because she greet me a lot more than other people. sometime i am a bit cant stand the feel of commanding but it is okay.
my birthday, first time feeling so high and nice, it is on my birthday too, greatest gift!! love you so much, giving me such a nice feel and present. happiest moment in life, highest moment too.
we watches too movie, twilight new moon and JUMP, it is so nice, enjoying watching movie with kissing, very nice, feel very nice.
no one will believe that i almost or already loses my first time or almost, cant write here because it is sx21 hoho, done something very high, i dont believe myself actually try or do it, i really feel high and nice but i cannot do too much because i scare kena ar..
kiss, hug kiss, tight hug kiss, close contact with each other, squeezing, taking off, try try, see see, touch touch, taste taste, put put xD what the hell?

it is my greatest birthday, thanks, short post

no one know my post

shit browser make me rewrite my blog. there are something upset me and it is repeat again, over and over, i almost fed-up already.what can i do? you are dropping this command, you want to do or not? don't want do then suan, don't want care you. this is okay if it is just for playing. starting, yes, everything is just like playing, time longer, i cant breath anymore, she is choking me to death. okay, don't say the old case, say the current one first. she is asking me to call my boss now or she will ignore me. asking me to take leave for tomorrow, i already told her, boss is not nonchargeable for this because he is not in the office or working there, then i dont have other staff number plus i promise people that i am going to work on 8am, i need to go even if i know later i have to leave for an outing. i really hope i can have a nice birthday outing even if it is late one or simple without anything. darn it, my problem here is, i say it is okay then okay, dont ask me to this and that or you will ignore, okay, suan, not effecting anything.

you done something very wrong already, i know it is good for me but you do it on wrong way, you will slowly minus some mark from you to me. you cant ask or command someone on this matters, you are giving stress and pressure, making someone feel bad and hard. i already listen enough of you, but of course, you are the biggest one, who dare to disobey you? you say what ma what la, ignore me? it is your problem already. 8december2009 end.. + feedback, hm.. you should try understand my feel and problem, you think too much about yourself already and doesnt care about me at all. okay, it is okay..

mental illness insomnia night

i dont know whats wrong with my lung got problem like last time again but i know and think it is temporarily, wont have any big problem or how. i got a yu gan tell me if got people punch my heart, i might lose my life but boy fight dont beat the heart so fine. actually i can confirm to myself it is fine, no big deal, what can happen to me? nothing.
last night, i think i am having insomnia, long time no kena already because i always have a nice sleep, nothing to be worried, nothing can make me feel hard. but, there are something giving me pressure, she ask me to checkout whats on me. my family and everyone dont do body check because my father is a very kolot and stupid, he hates bla bla checking so same to me, but body checking is okay to me, i like because i can know my body status.
asking me to check, it is okay but i will start feeling stress and having, pressure all bursted up, how am i going to go? do i have enough money, is it free if i go jinjang there? it take a long time? whats the big reason to me to go? it is nothing at all plus wasting time. it is fuck! if i tell my parent i want to go to check check, shit up la. all of them suck, hate them.
jia wen, ni yao jia you, ni bu kai xin or feel bu hao, wo ye hui feel bu hao, wo zhi dao ni shi hen qiang de, jia you.

saturday sunday outing 18/19 october 2009

"Saturday outing with Carmen, it is my first time going to sunway lagoon and playing water there. learn how to swim for my time on water, very nice!! first time so near to girl, first time a girl on my back. Sunday my first ever date, goes to me with Annie, darn, will it be a bit waste because i am not with my really girlfriend. whatever.. i don't know whether should set my blog to private or not because there are too many things or secret make me cant share here.. damn stressing but okay lar, keep lo"

刘裕扬 Hoo Yik Yang Although the wound is bleeding but the pain will fade away as time goes by, wound will recover faster if apply medicine but the wound in the heart is difficult, it is difficult to heal and it might not be healed in a life time

stupid job and sorry carmen

"i think i am going to lose a job soon, actually i know i cant work long already but i didn't quit, i need money to survive and i don't want to waste time if i can work. after losing this job, i really don't know what can i do afterward. Annie tell me his company is hiring people, sales coordinator, i really don't have confidence for doing this type of job, so far, i only know how to operate a machine and it is already my profession. if i can have this type of work then nice but not so lucky.. maybe i should try that work if it is find, location is quite near and okay. by the way, i need to have two job too, part time"one more thing, don't know why i felt so sorry to Carmen, not because of cheating her or how, it is my problem, i think i don't like her anymore, not because my heart is change, it is because the feeling is dead, i like to be in single life and want to be single, i have more freedom when i am single, this is what i think. i don't want to effect Carmen examination so i will tell her that i want to break up with her when we meet, i have no choice and i don't want to make her hurt more, okay then, end post"

刘裕扬 Hoo Yik Yang Although the wound is bleeding but the pain will fade away as time goes by, wound will recover faster if apply medicine but the wound in the heart is difficult, it is difficult to heal and it might not be healed in a life time

my first Saturday night in sanctuary 10-10-2009 unforgettable

"last night, it is my first night going to sanctuary clubbing with friend, my motive and reason for going there is have fun and see only but i am overload, i drink too much till i spin into those dancing. luckily i don't know how to dance shuffle or i already fly there, quite shit when i know i cant dance. i didn't really felt any sorry Carmen last night even if i know i got girlfriend, very disappointed why my partner cant be her but whatever  la. the drinks was nice and i feel so damn high and nice, i thought that i will stand only but i dance at there. i don't believe a shy man like me can have a dancing partner, first time experiences it and feel so high. i cant describe my feeling here very it is too nice >< too many story, ask me too call you if want to know more"

刘裕扬 Hoo Yik Yang Although the wound is bleeding but the pain will fade away as time goes by, wound will recover faster if apply medicine but the wound in the heart is difficult, it is difficult to heal and it might not be healed in a life time

i want to hide myself

"don't know why.. the feeling of i am not belong at here is back, i feel like don't want to stay at here le la T^T i want to keep my friend in home, only anime and life, that's all.. i feel very down because i am too useless and lame.. why am i so this? i don't want to back to my anime life, it make me stay in home always. but, i am still in house always without anime but online. okay now, what am i writing? i feel myself very useless from other, a very useless and tak guna punya.. dont need to proof or how, my life is already very miserable, luen 7 8 jou.. hopeless geh la me.. chat me in msn to know more hyikyang@yahoo.com"

刘裕扬 Hoo Yik Yang Although the wound is bleeding but the pain will fade away as time goes by, wound will recover faster if apply medicine but the wound in the heart is difficult, it is difficult to heal and it might not be healed in a life time

wealthiness attract

"now i remember something that i see, a very realistic de image, i dont know, am i suppose to write it out but just write ba.. money and wealthiness attract people.. i know what it mean gao liao. i see with my own eye, a person wealthiness will attract people automatically, very geng.. i hope i can own some ability of something always but whatever la.. i am despair T^T cincai la, rich people is like that de, i want to stick to rich people too"

刘裕扬 Hoo Yik Yang Although the wound is bleeding but the pain will fade away as time goes by, wound will recover faster if apply medicine but the wound in the heart is difficult, it is difficult to heal and it might not be healed in a life time

jia wen de ai

"haha, my bao bei so cute de lo, she write that thing in school, and posted it to facebook ;p she seen to like me a lot and very much and i very appreciate her love to me and i will very love her too >< our time on meeting each other is super less because i got work.. if i dont have work, i can find her always after she finish her school.. being human like me is very despair actually.. mood down liao.. nice image o jia wen^^ xi huan ni"

刘裕扬 Hoo Yik Yang Although the wound is bleeding but the pain will fade away as time goes by, wound will recover faster if apply medicine but the wound in the heart is difficult, it is difficult to heal and it might not be healed in a life time

huh? what a night.. darn..

"last few day ago Annie asked me to go for a BBQ with her friend, i didn't for any type of place like this, gathering with a lots of people that i don't know, quite hard to get along well because we're different world person but of course there are still way that i can be friend with them, it will be, i am the another type of person to them. so what else? just write some feeling, not my story.. actually i was hoping myself to have more outing with people and i already start to dare myself for going anywhere, my friend ask, i go, that's all. actually i am feeling quite stress last night, seeing a lots of people that very good in talking, why can i be them but actually i am one of them? honestly i am a type of people that talks a lot and joke a lot plus like to make fun and fooling, i just cant get to use it with friend or people that i don't know. quite despair and hopeless, last night before going out, quarrel with my mother awhile, say i am very picky on clothing -_-' what do she mean by picky? i don't have choice to choose. three cans of tiger 5% alcohol level in one shoot, i already feel dizzy on second cans, am i that weak or actually it is normal? feeling despair ma drink la, need reason geh meh? actually i want more but i think i will fall if i drink the fifth can.. whatever.. Annie now, look and attitude still dont really mature yet though she already not like last time but still same.. then the Koo Pui Yee, it already been awhile since the last day i see her, few year jor lo. last night i speak wrong something, actually i wanted to go home early with Annie gah but i say 'fan sin la' then they think i say 'lei fan sin la' so i back home late and give her abandon jor. haih, make new blog liao so there will be more update coming, hoho, my update is random time and day"

刘裕扬 Hoo Yik Yang Although the wound is bleeding but the pain will fade away as time goes by, wound will recover faster if apply medicine but the wound in the heart is difficult, it is difficult to heal and it might not be healed in a life time