29-05-2009

Current time 2:40 AM just finish drinking tea with my friend, main topic is about the way of helping me, they are so great, luckily i still have at least few of those friend or i really will be dead. Before i start my conversation with friend, Thomas drive me out to a car wash at kepong bhp, free car wash by machine, quite fun and nice, he get scolded by those guy because of slow. Simple cleaning at outside, simple cleaning inside, i still can see a bit dust, so what? It is free, still need to complain a lot? His car, he got two car, i name it grey and orange, orange is his main car, the drive out grey one. His grey car is damn sucking dirty and shit, i don't think a simple washing will clean off those thick dust. So dirty. Our conversation is so damn long just now, so many hours of my story. What am a scarying now is my money, please don't finish before i get a new job, i still need money for engaging my job at outside, search and find it. My friend suggested and commented me a lots of job, worth and nice to think. Genting card shuffler, need to have skill and more, taxi driver is really not a bad job, monthly and daily earn quite lots, the important is must hard working, what's more, lorry spare part, learning and work those job, private car driver, LOL stupid. They suggested me damn lots and they are trying their best to help me. I don't put my hope on parent and i don't need their support, i have enough of their kindness and goodness, they are only a normal parent that support me a house and food. Not really don't give support, example a simple jia you also don't have, no offences but they are really, A unique parent. All people will laugh and shame on them. By the way, today i found that Estelle, a friend in my facebook, reading my blog post no facebook note :p it is a bit itchy and shy when she read my blog post, she will know a lots about me, even one of my friend that is free to online also don't care a damn on my blog link. Estelle, work hard and don't be lazy, jia you :) i am a bit tired right now because it is not early now.. Last word. Elric, it is very obvious already, give up and do your best in life, it will not be easy, so i have try my best.

28-05-2009

Current time 4:00 AM going to sleep after writing this post.. Today, my day is a bit good. I want to fix my window life messenger so much, the problem now is i can't remove the program. I can't install a new one without removing it, software and program things, it is very complicated and hard. I went out to drink tea with thomas, mark, andy and me at 8:30 PM just now or yesterday. Talk quite much and a lot, wasted a chance of job because mark can't contact me when he need me! It is damn stupid, i am going to change to maxis if digi continue disappointing me. I am a bit not sure about what mark work does, need to check him out and confirm it if got chance. A remote car and bring away a human life, believe it or not? I believe in future, remote control model will be a type of weapon for killing. I am quite proud me my friend because they have a very cool and enjoyable life, unlike me, what can i do is blame my parent because of, they are hopeless and don't know what is good for me? I don't trust any living human in earth, i don't even trust myself. Don't care and whatever la. Just now i have a very long counter strike match with my friend, they are very pro and i really can't beat them down, what i need is more training, i can't get use to cc computer, if i use my own house computer, surely no problem. Actually we are planning to watch football till morning, they are gambling so i am not joining them. Their club life is making me dream of it, damn syok but not suitable for me yet. I don't want to face my friend with a moody emo face and style, i laugh and talk + joke with then although i don't really feel fine and well. I already awake, i don't want to dream anymore. I think i should get some sleep and stop bullshitting rubbish. Good night. Keep my problem in heart and stuck it off .

27-05-2009

Current time 3:25 AM i am sleeping late again. Actually i already start feeling weird since yesterday till now but i know everything will be fine. Word popped up on my mind is "let it be" it is no use if i think so much. My body temperature is damn high now, sleeping at very late time.

I can't see anything, it is so dark and silent, i can't see my hand, i can't hear my voice. No matter how hard i try to scream, there are no sound out from my mouth. I try to clap my hand, i can't listen to anything. Everywhere i look and see, it is full of darkness, i try to run, but i still can get out from this place. Where am i? I feel so lonely and empty, why am i here? My memory is slowly getting weaker, forgetting part by part. I start to ask myself, who am i? How long i have been walking in this world that full of darkness. I feel like, i rather die than being suffered this way. What is my purpose of living, i can't remember at all. I feel so tired of living, my breathing is slowly get weaken, i already don't want to survive, please stop suffering me.

I can choose the ending with, i feel like someone grabbing my hand but, i have no idea on who. I am so sleepy now, good night.

26-05-2009 let it be

From the very Beginning, the girl's family objected strongly on her dating this guy. Saying that it has got to do with family background & that the girl will have to suffer for the rest of her life if she were to be with him.

Due to family's pressure, the couple quarrel very often. Though the girl love the guy deeply, but she always ask him: "How deep is your love for me?"

As the guy is not good with his words, this often cause the girl to be very upset. With that & the family's pressure, the girl often vent her anger on him. As for him, he only endure it in silence.

After a couple of years, the guy finally graduated & decided to further his studies in overseas. Before leaving, he proposed to the girl: "I'm not very good with words. But all I know is that I love you. If you allow me, I will take care of you for the rest of my life. As for your family, I'll try my best to talk them round. Will you marry me?"

The girl agreed, & with the guy's determination, the family finally gave in & agreed to let them get married. So before he leave, they got engaged.

The girl went out to the working society, whereas the guy was overseas, continuing his studies. They sent their love through emails & phone calls. Though it's hard, but both never thought of giving up.

One day, while the girl was on her way to work, she was knocked down by a car that lost control. When she woke up, she saw her parents beside her bed. She realised that she was badly injured. Seeing her mum crying, she wanted to comfort her. But she realized that all that could come out of her mouth was just a sigh. She has lost her voice......

The doctors says that the impact on her brain has caused her to lose her voice. Listening to her parents' comfort, but with nothing coming out from her, she broke down.

During the stay in hospital, besides silence cry,.....it's still just silence cry that companied her. Upon reaching home, everything seems to be the same. Except for the ringing tone of the phone. Which pierced into her heart everytime it rang. She does not wish to let the guy know. & not wanting to be a burden to him, she wrote a letter to him saying that she does not wish to wait any longer.

With that, she sent the ring back to him. In return, the guy sent millions & millions of reply, and countless of phonecalls,.. all the girl could do, besides crying, is still crying....

The parents decided to move away, hoping that she could eventually forget everything & be happy.

With a new environment, the girl learn sign language & started a new life. Telling herself everyday that she must forget the guy. One day, her friend came & told her that he's back. She asked her friend not to let him know what happened to her. Since then, there wasn't anymore news of him.

A year has passed & her friend came with an envelope, containing an invitation card for the guy's wedding. The girl was shattered. When she open the letter, she saw her name in it instead.

When she was about to ask her friend what's going on, she saw the guy standing in front of her. He used sign language telling her "I've spent a year's time to learn sign language. Just to let you know that I've not forgotten our promise. Let me have the chance to be your voice. I Love You. With that, he slipped the ring back into her finger. The girl finally smiled.

25-05-2009 happy birthday to RAVEN LEE XIAO HUI

happy birthday to RAVEN LEE XIAO HUI

today will be the most special day to RAVEN, [age 18 liao], i made this blog post at very early time and make some edit and add

i added this song is for you, not easy to get this song because title is in Chinese
nothing much to say :D usually chat and sms also say liao
i remember what you tell me on what you want at age 18 :D your wish and dream

RAVEN HAPPY BIRTHDAY

CUTE!!!!!!!!!!

Gift of my friendship....

I give to you a gift of my friendship,
A piece of my heart and soul,
A shoulder to cry on when life makes you sad
Laughter for your silly jokes.

An ear to listen to your concerns,
Eyes to see the beauty of your soul,
Advice when you are at a fork in the road,
And a smile to brighten your day.

All this I give you and more
Because you are my friend.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR FRIEND

24-05-2009

Current time 1:50 AM on bed now. I am doing some music video organizing and download just now so i am sleeping late. I am chatting with ron, joey and raven too, sorry to you all because me leaving so early.. I need to control myself from sleeping late so i have to sleep early. I make joey angry already!! So what? She is only a little girl in my eye, i will comfort her back and will not disturb her anymore. In chatting, we will never think about ages or anything. When we chat, we will either feel something not right, for some people, they will think it is equal but actually it is not. From my experience of chatting, i have chat with quite lots of people, i have slowly when into those people and know that it is not equal. Last year, i meet a standard six kid, he chat with me quite well but he is standard six, attitude and style, how to say, he is also a kid, i can feel by his chatting. Just share some chatting experience and never try to equal someone of chatting, actually it is different. I am wondering, did meadow went to the gathering today? I will feel VERY left out if she didn't tell me that she is going!! I wanted to go so much but no transport.. It is not impossible if i want to go. A very short post, good night and sweet dream to all my friends and reader if i have some :)

23-05-2009

Current time 1:30 AM actually i planned to sleep early today but i am still sleeping at very late time, accompanying Joey26 on her share for tohoshinki aka tyqx aka dbsk.. A bit weird right, as known as a lots of name, i call it as dbsk, more main and original on name. Will you think that it will be a bit weird that guy will like those guy singer band more than girl like ayumi hamasaki? I think i will slowly get into dbsk group because they are really cool and great, i already say that my sister will go out to concert with joey26, don't know got chance or not, see first. I think i fall in love with cool joke japanese singer band, those guy are so cool. Temporilary i guess, i want to see and hear more of them just like dbsk. Actually today my mood is a bit down because i know that someone is going to thailand on june, although it is only four day three night, i feel like a bit worry on her.. I hope that she can at least online few minute, let me know that she is okay at thailand or something.. Down like crazy.. Today is a very regretting day, try guess what have i done.. I slapped Shirley in instant message chat.. I writee "piak", very regret.. Promise to myself not to give her any hit word. She say she will remember the date of today and time, she want to beat me up so badly too, listed up a lots of people name that she say she will complain. I rather let her pinch and beat forever. I will pray for her safetiness on thailand, macam mau.. Few day only la. Must snap a lot a lot photo too. Going to stop writing, okay then, good night.. Current time 1:50 AM

22-05-2009 complicated unbreakable chain

don't know why i feel a bit weird, it is not ordinary and i know there must be something wrong into me. normally people will feel a bit pressure in heart till cant breath but i am not.. i am not expecting anyone to read the previous long post but i hope that.. i hope that at least she can understand or know something, whatever.. i don't really care a damn or something, my blog don't have fans so it is okay, so damn complicated and stuck.. i hate feeling down, i hate feeling vandalizing. i am so so complicated. short post.. attention to previous post :(

22-05-2009 girl

Current time 12:50 AM just come back from drinking tea with friends. Just asked them about genting trips date and time, they can't really confirm which day because the schedule they got is a bit complicated. Waiting a free coffee in genting. Just now when i arrived, Mark is on the phone with her girlfriend. Mark is the one that i know the most longest from standard five, i know him very well but the most complicated things about him is i need to believe every word from him.. Something things he say will make people feel like he is lying but actually he don't lie, we will know if he joke, he is a very honest guy. When he is on phone with her girlfriend, try guess what is my reaction with Thomas.. We are shivering with those word that mark say and of course it is not weird to us, we are chillies mean hot, he is candy, you know what it mean, sweet, LOL. Thomas don't seen to be accepting those as sweet, he say Mark girlfriend is damn annoying. For me, it is okay, i feel like asking Thomas borrow his phone, i want to call a girl and prank her on phone, she will never know it is me because the image that i have, in her eye i am a coward. I don't mind about that, promise you guys that i will prank her on phone. Wonder will it work or not, i will never reveal myself that i am the guy that prank her till i really need to reveal then only i will say. Today my mood is very good, i talks a lot to them because they don't have anything to say, slowly intro some pass story and cars. Thomas is quite lonely, i can be by his eye, only games that accompany him, luckily he have money and a group of gang that always active or he will feel very sorrow. Actually i am planning of offline early and sleep early, at last i am still sleeping at this late time, writing blog on phone and waiting to publish. The world is very reality, let me ask you a question "you and your friend" one of you both need to die, i am wondering, who of you two will stay. If me, i will choose myself to be dead, will my friend say "no, let me die" true is, they will not say that. This is a made out question, everyone can make a lies on it, the true of human only will be reveal only when it happen. A car accident, the car is going to explode and your friend stuck inside, if you can't pull it out, you will die, if you runaway, you will be safe. I am dumb, i will try my best to safe my friend. I am stupid, in real life, it is not worth for that. Whatever. People always human that is K, their heart is always fragile, maybe it is true. You will always hope for someone happiness but what about our self? Every unwellness swallon by own, feel by own. Have you all try, biting your teeth tight and hold yourself from crying? This is emptiness. There are something that i want to blog out but don't know why i can't. I am not scare because she will read or anything, just the feeling is stucking quite hard and difficult to explain and blog out, there are too much and so suffering. I am not expecting her to read this part. You know i like you, you can act nothing, i can act silent, i don't hope for any answer, i don't wish for anything, i just what a test of exam to myself. And lastly try not to act don't know. Thats all. My friend is asking me to go to secondary school carnival, of course i will agree to go with him, although that i like older girl but actually i quite like student, after all, i am single. Silly me, young girl don't seen to be attractive to me but older girl that have a young heart is quite cute and attractive. Too sad that i don't have much chances of meeting older girl, only one. Wait i minute, i start to like today blog.. Nice! I can comment something about girl that i like, a lots more. Darn, i am a bit tired right now.. There are someone that i want to mention, C, she is a very cute young girl, too sad that she is younger that me one years or i will after her. Actually we have chance to be together i guess, she asked me out to a date too.. C is a very mini short cute pretty girl, eye very round and big too, can count as type that i like. Last time i always think, if we like someone, we will don't care anything or how it look. Girl that i like, long straight hair, thin and small, shorter than me, have a very sweet smile, eye must big and round, talkative, very active and smart, the most important is kind and ting hua, don't make me worry about her. Whats more, must always report me when there are something happen to her, tell me each time when she is happy, sad or moody. Tell me her daily story everyday. This is type of girl that i like. No girl that is perfect in this world, girl that i like doesn't match with my taste, oh well, never mind, what to do if i already fall on her, accept the fate. Just now my friend fetched me back, they suddenly say they heard that i have girlfriend already, my reaction is like shit, they found it already but the true is i don't even have one. My friend is very stupid, they will advise me to beware of fat girl that will rape me when i am walking to home, on staircase. I forget my blog birthday and when it made, what i know is, it is on may. Poor blog. Shirley thinks that i am type that very easy to believe people, sorry, i am not, i always suspect and think that my friend is lying, i always suspect everyone is lying, i don't trust myself, i don't trust anyone, do you noticed that i always ask a word, "sure?" I am sick again, my heart will beat when i think of you, my face will red when i look at your photo, i will feel that you are there when we are texting. This is a very long post, whoever that readed this can make a wish to me and i will grant it. A wish that i can do it of course, i will do anything. This is a promise to this post reader. Okay then, time to sleep, current time is 2:15 AM good night and sweet dream. Meadow, oyasumi .

21-05-2009

Just now my mother say something about my job again when i am not online and sitting at a comfortable sofa. She is asking me to get temporarily job. She is too free, nothing to say when she is ironing my sibling school uniform. Get scolded by me with a very acceptable reason till she speechless. If my father is awake on dining room, a war will begin again. My parent don't understand and misunderstand me, this is the reason of war. I believe in future, my sibling will have same war that i am having. Trust me. Lets say something about my blog, i love my blog to be silent in public, i want to change my blog themes colour to bright and dark. I want it to be very nice too. Helped Raven fulfiled her dream on blog, actually i like to have a very special blog templates but it is not easy to manage, a lots of edit need to made because i want my blog to be unique. I am wondering, hey Shirley Soon, want me to make you a black and white fairy dust background for blog? Please.. It will be very nice. By the way, bright and dark mean black and white :p actually what colour do i like? Red and black or only black? Today Shirley tell me that she hates pink, i don't think she really mean to hate pink. Pink is sweet, gentle, kind and cute, i think Shirley feel geli with this feeling so she hate pink but actually i think pink colour quite suit her actually.. She can be very gentle by loving pink colour. Every colour that a people like will have a meaning behind, no one really hate a colour, just dislike. I belong to colourless so it mean i am a very blur guy. Raven love green, if she like dark green, it bring emo and grey feeling. Haha, she like emerald green and all green. I am not a professional colour explainer so i am not accurate and real. Shirley likes black and white, it is lame :p it sound lame but actually it can be very nice too. Today my feeling not a bit good so it bring speechless me out, a bit only. Question, why i want you to dare me, you don't dare me, why when i feel nervous, you purposely make me more nervous and dare me? Pity guy got unsolvable question. I hate myself of being say (emo) it is me and it is the true me and it is my style, who cares. No offence to anyone. I know quite lots friend in facebook, i want to be famous to all of them :p get their responds and respond them, disturb their post and more, it is so fun. Going to sleep, so tired, current time 1:35 AM good night

20-05-2009

So many day didn't write something about myself already. Actually i am feeling quite fine nowadays or should i say i am feeling complicated? Hard to explain and it can't be explain. Never mind that. I am starting to sleep late and feel a bit fun on night time.. It make me feel down too.. Time to write about friends~ i heard Raven tell me that Joey broke up with her boyfriend already, Joey is too young for love and i don't think she is serious too.. She might feel pain and sad but it will fade very quick and soon. I hope that she can be fine and will be fine. I didn't chat with her for a long time already and she don't seen like mixing me up too. I will chat with her tomorrow. Ron, back like always and chat now, be myself and be hims self, chat like always and be friend, it make me think of me and hamburger situation.. I think he already forget me completely, only remind will make him think of me. I think i can understand how Ron feel on his life, i got checked his blog so i know a bit of him. From what i have know, he don't have confidences with his friendship, thats all. He have friend, it can be few or it can be a bunch, i don't know.. Just be confidence on it. About Ron love problem, you better don't think about it first, this is my advise IF YOU DON'T REALLY HAVE LOVE TO ANYONE. Chat with him tomorrow. Mimpi burung menjadi kenyataan, haha, she own herself a green color blog with her wish and request. Don't know why from small to now, i am very RELA on helping people, see people got problem, i will busybody.. Talk Raven things first, i am so jealous with her blog!! How come it can be so nice and green, she is having the most unique blog in the world, thanks to elric of course. Nothing much to say about Raven, everyday chat and sms ma. Chat tomorrow. Say about joey now, another joey in facebook, she is a japan song lover!! Cool!! She have share me a lots of song and it is really nice!! Haha. She uploaded her student art work to facebook, it is really very nice and creative, i got a feeling of touching too when i see those kid artwork. Habis cerita joey. Now Shirley Soon punya cerita, short short only la, i hope that she can go for her gathering in alamanda at saturday, actually i wanted to go too but i need to stay one night at Shirley house :D night time go back to kepong very dangerous ma. I know she don't mind :) mimpi got la. I will try to help her on this. The problem is transport and her mother permission.. I don't mind if i can fetch her. Pity girl. Chat tomorrow. Elric, today his mother ask him to change the kitchen light so he must climb up high, actually elric is scare of high.. Not very scare but very very scare. Haih, i can choose not to help but what can do if auto respond? Hold on a second. I need to tell meadow this :D today i request meadow to give me her father phone number because i want to help her call her father to fetch her.. She is busy so i request to helped her. I already hold up my phone and start pressing those number, i am a bit nervous and weird why the number so familiar.. Huh.. It is her number~ she keep on asking me call la :p sorry for being so coward, you macam cabar me and think i don't dare. I like to prank people on phone :D my another personalily attitude, a playfull me. I will prank meadow with public phone or friend phone so wait and see. Wait la you. Raven also will kena. Next story. Today i add Shirley ask friend in facebook, Shirley Chu, a girl that i like last time, now don't like already because it is old story. So coincidences that she have a same english name with meadow. She accepted me as friend in facebook, viewed her profile and know that she break up already? Not my problem la. I want to add a lots of friend and i want to comment all their post too. Current time 4:30 AM tired and good night, last word, sorry for my english, tired..

20-05-2009 HATE ME

HATE ME
JUST CLICK THAT IF YOU HATE ME, I DON'T MINE
I WILL ONLY BE VERY DISAPPOINTED

DON'T KNOW WHY I FEEL SO DOWN WHEN I AM STAYING LATE AT NIGHT.. SEE I FORGET TO UPDATE MY BLOG AGAIN.. I PROMISE MY FRIEND AND EVERYONE, SAY THAT I WILL UPDATE MY BLOG EVERYDAY.. THIS SIMPLE THINGS ALSO I CANT DO SO NEXT TIME HOW?

HATE ME
YALA I KNOW YOU WANT TO CLICK, CLICK LA, CLICK ALREADY DONT ADMIT ME AS FRIEND, IT IS OKAY THAT YOU CLICK, I DONT SCARE, IF YOU REALLY CLICK, DONT KACAU ME LIAO

HATE ME
GOING TO SLEEP, 3AM ALREADY, CLICK IT AFTER FINISH READING :D

18-05-2009

Become a wind, unfathomable distress.
I'll hold back your loneliness.
The two of us are a bracing wind, oneness.
Even if this world comes to an end, I won't leave you.

Deep within my rusted memories,
I feel like you cried out to me,
just as if our very cells yearn for each other.

When two souls that have shed their loneliness
embrace and melt into one,
from out of loneliness, love is born.

Burst into flame, distress that blocks the way.
I want to burn the darkness of the past.
Our hearts are, yes, endless.
A real miracle is right here with us.

If by chance we're ever separated,
I'll probably be a mere shell of who I was,
like a swan whose wings have completely floundered.

It's OK to show you can bare your loneliness,
healing the pain with your lips
until a rose blooms in your heart.

Become a wind, unfathomable distress.
I'll hold back your loneliness.
The two of us are a bracing wind, oneness.
Even if this world comes to an end, I won't leave you.

When souls that were born along with loneliness
are brought together by fate, and melt into one,
eternity begins to flow.

Burst into flame, distress that blocks the way.
I want to burn the darkness of the past.
Our hearts are, yes, endless.
A real miracle is right here with us.

Become a wind, unfathomable distress.
I'll hold back your loneliness.
The two of us are a bracing wind, oneness.
Even if this world comes to an end, I won't leave you.

17-05-2009

this is a song i upload to facebook, i put it here by embed code.. just some share :D i like this song so much, it is so nice is it a bit sien if internet speed is slow nothing to do, short post, edit and update more later la~

16-05-2009

I understand myself more well than others know about me, i can have a lots of attitude and personality. I can suddenly be a very talkative guy but actually i am quiet. The real me in heart is actually not a quite person, don't know who is the one that say she understand me so well. I am type that like to joke and entertain people, i use to be a laughing machine that ticke people. My mood is the things that causes my change and more. How i hope i can maintain my current mood, it just can't be long. I have made few post comment with people, making them feel that i am type that very friendly and nice, they will never know that i am a quiet person or more. I gave wrong personality to meadow already but never mind, who care~ the purpose me making this post is, just want to tell you all, my mood now is good and nice. ELRIC never like's his parent, is he a bad son? People say parent are always right, i feel like get murder by them. Don't care this two people first, making me sick. When i am feeling down, most of the time i will be very quiet and speechless, remember this and don't think i am a boring guy, i will disturb and ask a lot if my mood is good. Y!AM is a new world for me, it can be nice if i make question but my level is too low.. I need the thumb casting ability so i can't ask a lot, level can't ask if my point is low. Now i remember that i am a new Y!AMmers there, may 5 join, i remember i passed by the question before, maybe it is my old email. I love facebook, it is so wide open and social in net. Actually i am making this post in phone so i am going to sleep now or i will wake up late again, WAKE ME UP!!

15-05-2009 direction founded

Is there anything that we can do if we are not feeling sleeping at midnight time and we are online?

my question is [is there anything that we can do if we are not feeling sleeping at midnight time and we are online?] i dont play game to spent my time, only online.. i feel a bit empty and nothing to do.. is there anything i can do? current time is 1:30 AM i hope there are Y!AMmers online at late time :)

i dont think you all can get what i mean because no one can get what i want to mean :) just share something that i dont want to forget, keep as memory and share something that no one can get. i made a question in Y!AM after back from drinking tea with friend, dont feel like sleeping :) i know what i want and i see some direction of my life now. i need to own a transport, motorcycle :) i dont care and i am going to ride a motor or get a car quick. work, say it will be simple, huh? need to think about transportation and the amount on what we spent, this what blocked me. [I AM GOING TO TAKE A MOTOR LICEN TO DRIVE MOTOR FOR MY LIFE AND WORK SO WISH ME GOOD LUCK, I WILL BECOME VERY DOWN IF I FAIL TO OWN A MOTOR AND A LICEN, NEED A LOT COMFORT, BE SURE YOU HELP ME JIA YOU OR I WILL HUG YOU TIGHT AND CRY UNTIL YOU CRY WITH ME] i am feeling damn good now. a motor and i licen, must wish me good luck on that!! short post :)

at last i have found something, i know what job should i get and some direction now :D thanks to tun bobo because of helping me a bit and thanks a lot for the resume that edited by lenglui s~, shh.. later she ter-rase. thanks for bird too, she give me a stick to stand up when i fall down. thanks my friend the most, saving me from hopeless human. good night and sweet dream, going to off after awhile, night!!!!

14-05-2009

my current mode is a bit okay because everything have fade, it is just for today. a short daily update before i go out to yamcha.

Pale broken wings,
you're just a little tired
from the sky which is too blue
Don't do it for anyone else
Just smile for yourself

loneliness is still creeping up,
A candle lit up inside
totally incompatible with a splendid, bustling party

The hollowness of
the absence of your words, is it ok just to bury them?
I still don't know

At least within dreams
If I can swim freely even if there isn't anywhere like that,
Even if everything until now is forgotten,
Even if I can face tomorrow...

Pale broken wings,
you're just a little tired
from the sky which is too blue
Don't do it for anyone else
Just smile for yourself

The peacefulness of inferiority
won't come true so simply
Settling above your self consciousness
A petal reflected by a mirror

Straining my lungs,
tryin' to call dirtied love,
however, it's so frustrating

As times are passing
My wounds are cursed
My scabs are changed
You haven't got that
So beautiful
Yet so short lived

After the scabs fall off
Just like the newer, shorter hair near the scar
My prayer are shaking in the bright light
I won't forcibly
try to love you...

Sometimes, in this world
When we try to walk ahead,
it's a little too bright, isn't it?
It's like we're sinking
When we feel like giving up,
the dry land sucks up our tears

Why do we feel so alone anytime?
We don't have to take it all, you know
Why do we feel so alone anytime?
Simple refrain isn't courage

good night!!!!!!!

13-05-2009 smiling with sadness and tears

i might look normal and nothing in my appearance, normal in texting, my friend or parent will never know, i cant breath, i can smile, i can laugh, i can talk, i can joke, i can act, i can be nothing. i can don't care, i can just do nothing. everyday, every night, every moment every minute, what am i doing now? whats my direction of life, what is my target? i am lost, i am inside a dark room, i cant run far, i don't have anywhere to go, no matter how loud i scream, no respond. i want to do it alone, i don't want any help, can i? feeling heavy, is this what we call stress or pressure? i am relaxing in home, do you think i am so relaxing?

enough~

my sister wear glasses, look mature, grown up and lenglui, cool?

lalala, enough post can write

13-05-2009

12-05-2009
a date of day that i forget to update my blog again. Actually i already have the prediction and know that i will forget to update my blog at this day. This morning i waked up by a call from my boss, i already enough of those stupid work and i don't want to return to the place. Online at 9am if i am not wrong, meadow absent today.. How is her, is she fine.. :( i do quite lots of thing today but i still can't really hypnotize myself. My facebook wall is full of the quiz i take. Today is so empty.. Did i mention something about (it is not that simple) wait a minute, hold on a second, i am typing my blog on phone. There are an touching scenes, just now i went to old town in cheras with my friend, we drink our tea there, when we are about to drive back to bryan house, mark noticed that he left his key at old town.. We are suggest to drive back and get back the key. It is not early and we are about to reach bryan house, only in front and thomas say he want to throw us down first but we all say, just go together. There are 5 of us here, unbreakable relationship, very strong. A relationship that we have is not simple to be build. I understand this very well. Not going to sleep tonight.. Blogging until morning and online to publish this blog, current time 4:18 AM (i understand that it is not simple, not giving up already, just..) hope that i can go out and search for a job successfully tomorrow. I am not going to wait for studying anymore, wasting time, why don't i get a job that can learn something for the use of my future. I really don't have direction anymore, straight away get a job quick, target, get a job before june. Frustated, what the hell, i will pinch you if i see you, scold you until cry, i mean it. Sorry. I want to punch my hand on wall until i feel pain or enough. I want to scream out loud like crazy and abnormal, yell with tears falling! F*ck my life of! Whoever that want to beat me up, come, you will be dead if you can't fight me down of i can sure that your head will bleed. Kill me if you can or you will be the one that killed. JOB! I need one. I want to punch hardly to the wall, i want to see the wound at my fist. I want to feel empty. I am home now, 4:45 AM not going to sleep. I feel so tired and exhausted, i can collapse if i run or do some exercise. I don't want to lost things that i like. My head is going to explode.. Feel crying but my tears stuck.. Can you answer me HOW ARE YOU! Dead! Feeling dizzy, need sleep. I don't want to see my parent wake up, i don't want to see my siblings wake up for school, i want to finish my blog but i don't have the time. I am feeling so down.. I need someone to accompany, not to talk, just someone with me. Me and my friend relationship are strong but they seen to have another gang already.. I am disqualified. I am alone, i saw a photo of their new gang friend in thomas desktop, it is damn sweet and great, more happier than five of us. I know, i have been disqualified.. Never mind this. Other things now. I think i really falled to you and it is 100 % true.. EXHAUSTED i don't want to delay this post! I want to done it before i sleep or online. Okay now, i am done.

11-05-2009 hoo pui yee birthday

short birthday celebration