Last day being Jobless

Doing something for a people, do you think it is worth? Being loyal "like a dog" listen what people ask you do to, is it fine to you? For me, working is a part of living. I enjoy my life and i want my life to be the best, but of course.. nothing is perfect.

losing my job, is it an accident or i really have problem? actually so many thing happen.. i cant work there anymore because i feel not worthing and no earning.. wasting time.. but i have a lots of memory there. if i dont have that kind of boss, i will continue work there.

today is my last day enjoy my stress life for being jobless and it will be my new day for "mian qing-ing" life.. i tell myself to stay strong and fight more my new job. aeon credit service de people!! one month at least 30 people, i think i can do it, i must jia you chiong!!

She have return.. or back to life? She have been dead in my memory for a long time but now.. I feel like she is back. "jian qiang yi dian" this is what she told me.. the last word. She make me feel like she is grown up already. Actually i am wrong.. (ai de tai shen, hen de yue shen, chen jing hen ai guo yi gen ren, hui bian chen hen hen na ge ren)  Loving someone too deep will make yourself hate someone very deep too. I am so agree with this.. I wish to have some short ending conversation with xx. lala

Dont feel like writing already, delay too long no mood liao

Not fun, un-jokable

do you have anyone that cant be joke and always get mad when you are joking? do you know, this is so boring? i am type that like to joke, and i cant joke on someone that get mad when i joke. how to match? i will try not to joke anymore then since there are someone that cannot be joke.. sacrificing is needed again.. i make myself change quite lots actually.. no one really know.. sms that i like the most.. i start dislike.. even phone call i feel so ma huan.. hm.. i dont even like to inform or say a lots of thing already.. maybe all is a reflect..

yesterday i watch a love movie

movie name is koizora, sky of love

why my relationship and the move one is differnt

why cant i be so sweet

the guy finally say i love you, when he is going to die

and the girl say, this is your first time saying it, after 3years

is it necessary to say three word?

confuse in love

i wish to have a sweet happy love

i am so jealous seeing a lot couple so happy

the way they treat each other

it is like.. heaven feeling.. even i feel sweet

my relationship never goes well end..

you never fulfill my desire..

you are so cincai to this relationship

...

Slowpoke's

i hate you to be such a slow thing or i thing that doesn't have any respond. i believe that even if you see my blog, even if you see my posts, you wont have any respond. with this kind of things, you make me feel nothing on you. sometime people do something, just to get some respond.

i remember, there are the only one time, that i felt so damn happy when i receive your respond.. although it is my request for asking you to praise me, but i really do feel so happy. in my memories, there are only this pieces

i dont mind waiting you, 1 day, 1 week, 1 month, 1 year or more, just dont make me feel impossible.. my patient will be dead.. i hate being so careless and no respond type human, you wont want me to treat you naturally that way. [i think i am type of human that is, how you treat me before, how i treat you now] i dont wish to be like this..

how much change i have made

• sms change short
• text-ing change short
• change to be cold (@~@) gee..

there are more i guess..

Long time no see..

Long time no see, it look like you still look the same. Not bad. A lot people tell me that i have change a lot from before. Good to see you back, it remind me of old time when i am with you, because you are still the same. It make me feel that my prediction is right and never wrong. I guess, there are really some kind of people that never change.

phew.. here come my another post.. ah i like this word "long time no see" feeling no bad.. i believe, everyone will change one day. not completely change, just come personality change and attitude.. to me.. being naughty wont change.. i only will change to a cold icy heart.. mean no feeling in love.. i guess.. i am not sure.. need to wait the time to tell everything.. D= suddenly dont know what to write already..

she is finally back, feel like long time no see or contact, after back, no change.. wa..

I do think before

2010
there a few time, i tried to give up.. i really cant stand it anymore..
later.. i know i cant live without it.. i need it
i try to tell myself, not to say those thing again
so, i really do what i have said..
but it is too late..

2011
hm.. simple.. very simple.. and nothing..
i want to beat my life, destiny and fate.. nothing is fix

i do think before, giving up this, but.. because it is not necessary, so i just leave it, until now.. "a sms make me forget what i want to write next" never mind.
i do think before, try to restart it.. i need to reformat or renew *a language that only me understand*
whatever.. just having some feel to make post.

8th month relationship..

this few day, she seem to be so damn busy, or actually her busy time have started? luckily this wont be forever or i think i wont be able to stand it. actually i plan to meet her on 17-07-2011 sunday. time and planning all not suit.. so i cant. so it is fine then. lets see.. 8th month kuai le!! kuai le ma? D= bu zhi dao o.. i like people having happy life living because i hate people boring more than myself boring. i am so afraid of people getting bored even if it is not my problem. if people life is nice then i will feel fine. how many post that i have been made since the last day i told her i got wrote something here? nah.. she dont care a damn of my post. one of the thing i never like about her is she never treat relationship seriously, knowing how to love is useless if you cant spread the feel plus "cuma tau cakap" cham..

it is lucky i never share my post on facebook or she will see my blog, i dont even sure that do she have time to read at least one post. lets bet. how many day after this post she will read this? i think minimum after a week only she notice this post or readed this post.

i wonder is there any spy in my blog and checking my blog.. i notice that someone have leave its facebook account but never deactivate it. i guess the did it on purpose. i hope i really can make my wish come true, solve my chain in heart someday, please..

today i watch one china tv show, about love matching thing. 20+ girl in the show, then 1 guy come interview those girl. just watch it in 8tv every sunday and you will know what tv show. the point here is "yuan lai" i still have feeling in love/sweet.. something like that.. my heart still got feeling in those thing. gosh.. i feel so relief leh..

almost forget something..
she use to treat me very geli.. i am type of human that never show direct kindness or care.. and i hate being treated nice or with love, it make me feel disgust. hate direct.. slap me because you love me, dont kiss me, kill me because you love me, dont die for me. i am a kind devil. you know?

I LOVE YOU

after a long period of being single.. after a lots of unwilling thing happen.. then in 2010.. sdo.. i meet a girl call zhen.. she appear to be very different from what i observe when we are in sdo and skype. mean the time when we firstly met. hm..i start having feeling to her because she give me a very special feeling.. time long already.. dont know why my feeling to her start have some error.. hm.. error in believing each other.. error of laziness, careless.. mean no care.. too cincai.. not serious in love.. not giving each other enough love.. and dont know what is love.. + bla bla bla and more..
i wish her to be healthy, i want her to be good, i hope she can look nice.. [i feel so selfish for all this request] asking her to be pretty, this is not only for me, it is for herself too.. all girl want to be pretty.. if she become pretty, i dont earn anything. i always feel overweight people is unhealthy.. i am so scare that she not healthy too.. i want her to be fine always, because she dont want me to be care so i lazy to care already

Unbelievable so you never believe

dont know why suddenly fall in love with this song, it is so damn nice, feel like learning this song.. nah.. lets see my mood.. if fine, i will learn it.. cool man.. it is a japan song actually but it is in english version.. i believe!! nice!!

by the way.. i am here to add up something that i have missed..

last time.. long time ago.. i did a very big mistake.. if i am not wrong.. maybe this is the main cause of everything.. hard to explain.. when i feel so down in relationship.. i have a feeling, tell me that.. make the one you love hates you is better that hurting it. i make a post said that i will make someone hate me so that it will leave me.. i am so wrong about it. after someone know about it, its confidence to me, finish.. maybe is this causing the ending.

believe

believing each other in relationship is really important. no matter it is a lies or what, you should believe every word. never make the one that trust you disappointing. dont know why i just keep feeling disappointing.. i always make it last chance to believe. must believe always

love.. i am so sorry for all those previous post, super duper sorry..

haihz..actually i so love my gf.. just i cant accept everything in her..

aw complicated.. bu xiang write liao.. 

Loveless reaction

Loveless reaction
to me, giving some reaction to their love is a very important things. it is okay that you don't give any reaction but, not so dumb type? dont even know it self have a kind of ability call "giving reaction to what people have mention/say" being a human, something we might be a bit careless in feelings.. dont know why i just hate "ignore/dont care/not important" love is caring anything..

sometime, i really start getting lazy in this relationship, no more things that i can do anymore. this is a fail relationship. appear to be strong and calm. actually inside is nothing.

in this world, do anyone know that, a boy and a girl can be together without love? i mean a relationship without love. in old time, there are a lots of people marry without love. we can see it in some parent. a lots of parent, actually they dont really have love. marry is just a human progress, building a family is a responsibility in human, unlike now.

you know what i feel when i see this picture? D= i really dont know how to love already. this is a broken relationship. truth. slowly, we wont have any argue anymore, i believe. starting to get boring already. a boring girl that dont like surprise.


what is surprise?
do you think surprise is just like a normal things? to people that doesnt "think" surprise is only a surprise. you know how a surprise be created? human use heart or love to make it, just to let someone feel happy. this is what i know. in my life, tell "you" i have a surprise [it is a dead word] i never wanted to give any surprise anymore because you never want [you will say, you are not romantic] actually you are a very boring person.

i start to realize that, actually my love doesn't really need love anymore. love or not love, actually there are no different anymore. i dont know what bad thing i have in relationshi. 

 actually i really wanted to have a very sweet love and relationship, not like being cold and nothing. you know how lucky am i because i have a girlfriend and i should cherish it a lot.. but i just dont feel like i am that lucky.. maybe it isn't a happy one i guess.. actually relationship now doesn't have any problem. maybe for now.

giving a like in facebook, this is not any bad thing. seriously.

lets say, make example.. you are a type of person that only keep liking people post. and there are a person that like your post too. one day, in status, you say you are sad, in picture, you show your tears, in status, you write "what to do? i dont know" you wish to have comment by human.. but what you get, is only a spamming of like. human only see you, they dont care you. human only likes your status, dont really wanted to care you.

u nvr 1 2 hv conversation wit me, u only tinks 4 ur nid

Lifeless body without soul

black and white, dark and light, devil and angel

do you all curious, why do the black, dark, and devil start first?

i feel that myself have change a lot after being in relationship last november 17
maybe everything really come too fast and sudden.. after being hurt very deep, i promise myself.. if i have the ability, i dont wish to let anyone feel what i feel before.. but why.. i just make people hurt..

my current girlfriend, give me a kind of feel like i didnt care or mind her a lots. i do care her, i do jealous in short time, but not so much. the time i jealous, who will tell out? only jerk. dont know why i just wanted her to be a bit balance in look.

i really hate the way that i think, everything make me feel so unworthy to care and love. in street, i close my eye and point any random place, i can see a better girl. even if i dont need to choose girl, i am not very handsome, i believe there will have girl that choose me. everything just feel so unworth to care so much. my heart is not locked by my girlfriend yet.

i have unlimited patient to wait my girlfriend, but please dont make me feel impossible.. my confidence to you will change. i feel so bored, i wish to love my girlfriend with the way i am, i want to hug and kiss her in public, but i just cant do it.. every time i see people in love, omg, they are so damn fucking sweet.. but not me.. saying a love word, i feel like "bu xiang"

i make myself have so many reason, i use to tell myself, i dont mind how a girl look, i dont need my girl to be how pretty, i dont mind my girl size..

• maybe this time too big?
• or i have enough critiques by people?
• cant feel "an quan gan" because too big? (i cant make a round shape with i hug.. make me dislike it)
• make me feel unchangable?

aw shit.. listed too hurt? honestly i am not this kind of reality people, i hate people saying itself, but they can change better than anyone, whatever i am too much..


you know what.. the feeling of sdo-ing yesterday is quite nice, cant really say it is happy but i like this kind of feel. a feel of freedom i guess. and something. but nothing ba.. sdo is one of my favorite game before until someone spoil it. i train so hard and well just to compete.. but everything change in the end

hm..i shared a song here.. need to talk with people and some talk with my girlfriend

i am a damn shit fucker

hey everyone..long time didnt make post already..
as you know, the blog title say..
there are no more people that can be as useless as me..


i am not a good guy, i am so useless
i dont know what people think, and i dont want to know what people think..
as someone bf, being like this.. i really should die


want to love, bu gan love, want to do, bu gan do..
i so hate myself, why i want to have this kind of feel
a feel of reject or cant accept.. scare being know
dont want to biao da give people see


this few day, i keep all my feel in heart, i dont dare to express out, i so miss but i dont dare to express, but why? i am so afraid..


no reason..?

Two in a row..

lansilanyong

Yesterday, wasn't a nice day.. I hate complicated things. I hate things that is so disturbing my mind. Making me mad and confuse..



Today, this morning wake up.. Feel so.. Then i get up at 8.30am.. The first time i do after get up is sms, then go online, check my pc. Yesterday i put auto shutdown after download complete. Yeah nice.. Hehe. I luf it. Good news, my download complete. Then.. I want to find one empty disc.. Then.. The empty disc inside got other file, then i copy all out, then i . . .



Later afternoon lunch time need to finish my installation quick.. Window xp.. I hope my download file are fine too.. Need 5hours for that download. Shit it.. Haih.. Today late to work.. So long time didn't late to work already, whatever.. Hate coming early so much, no more giving me early work bonus..



Love.. > Dear ar dear.. How do i love you if i don't know what are you thinking ne.. In love and relationship, couple relationship is the most close, mean can talk anythings.. Mean there are nothing to scare, just talk anything straight and honest. Because of your farking heart, i need to keep hide things to talk, slowly it make me feel like nothing more to talk. In our relationship, there are so many problem, maybe you didn't know it because *who care about it* i am not sure about it. I hope i can back to myself and love you like old time. I am sure that you will be more happy. Huhu..



Guan ni pi shi



yesterday, i done my window98 installation already.. That time i am so happy.. But.. Window98 got a very big problem.. Version too old.. Then, i need to download window xp again to upgrade it.. So sien leh keep having this kind of lagging problem.. Whatever..



This morning i buy two pao eat, fresh meat bao. Didn't feel full or hungry. But wanted to eat. Hope can grow fat a bit. Eat eat eat, i hate keep eating.



Wow two post in a row.. Nice.. I hope i can keep up this way.. Yay

lets get up on blogging

Yesterday, is my girlfriend birthday. I admit that i didn't treat her big day seriously yesterday. But i try my best to make her happy althought i know that she is not happy.




I think that, i really love her, and i got heart. But the problem is.. I don't know what is she thinking, and do she understand what i want to tell? Does she try to do something do me? Do she do anything for me?



I don't think that anyone know that i am making post here because i didn't tell anyone about it, no one know i write blog too.. Thats cool, but i should tell some people that i am blogging so that i wont write to myself.



I get so lazy to blog.. Feel so lazy writing here, i have many things to tell but i just can't write here. Maybe those things is so farking so i really can't write here. No feel to write. Not sure. I love my past blogging life..



To my beloved one, i really don't know what to do anymore. How to love you. I feel so uncomfortable in this relationship.. You know i dislike you to eat so much *birthday is special, so can eat* but you still keep eating. You always ask me, *i got thin dao ma?* i don't know how to tell you, i only can say, you no diet how to thin, you didn't eat less how to thin. Basic things. A human, didn't eat a lot, is impossible to fat, include, a human eat a lot, can thin? Common sense.



Question, you believe what you see, or you believe what you hear? I keep listening good thing, but i keep seeing bad thing. Do you think, i will believe what i hear, than i see? Hm.. Natural human thinking, see de, is real de.



I hope i can get bigger, i want to turn fat. Or, actually i hate hungry.. I want to eat anytime, if can. I want to have anything to eat at anytime so that i wont hungry.. Hungry make me feel turning thin..



Thats all i want to write, thank you =D





guan ni pi shi?



Shit.. Today i download window 98 to install.. I hope my installation will be fine.. 256 mb ram computer, oh fark.. So shit slow.. Then boss pc.. Reformat it jar.. oOo my house got that window7 dvd, original is boss dvd but now it is mine.. Wahaha! Anything else.. Thats all.. Ya and! I hope i can build my boomz character become strong >< but.. Just hope.. Done.. Haha !

sohai

it is for what? and what is it for?

purpose..  what is my purpose.. living like this is for what? honestly i feel so empty, but not all the time of course. need someone to share my thing, can let me tell everything. i repeat this two or more times already in my post, always having this kind of problem, i never find one.

bla!! people like me is not qualified, i say already right. not worth to be care.

hang this blog to draft, fuck!!

Lazy dao..

Long time no write blog le.. now keyboard stick le sticker.. feel "bu shu fu" while typing.. Ouch.. me yi lai dou shi type of people that hate got things "kacau dao" i feel so bu shuang because my keyboard make me cant type freely..

its been awhile since the last day i write something at my blog.. i am so lazy and sien le to blog because.. quit too long i guess.. in this long time, many thing have happen, i miss a lot of thing that i need to write here..

in this long time, i hope i can search for new love.. ya.. finally i found one..

she is from klang again.. leave in bandar botanic, near bukit tinggie and bandar puteri..

honestly, she is not my type i guess.. i need more time to be with her.. cant concentrate much on her.. lack of many feel and things.. huhu

short post =D