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Wednesday, 17 February 2010

ELRIC unchangeable

the first day of chinese new year, i went to bidor. my mother side de family.. i thought my mother side one will be boring because i like my father side de, all very close.. actually not.. not as close as i think anymore.. my father side de all seem very reality and.. haih, hate them. but okay la, chinese new year.

my first two day of chinese new year, only having stress. thinking.. how to get back on time at 16FEB.. everything plan well, she will be very unhappy if i cant fulfill her wishes. ask who coming back kl today.. dont have.. i am getting insane and just about to fed up, i cut off the phone and set offline when i cant stand it anymore.

to me, actually it is quite unbelievable and i think i should stop making those stupid prediction stuff anymore. actually what i think in the mind is, Carmen will be very angry on me because i cant back on time. her thinking in this age is type that is very stubborn plus i cant blame every thing on her, i am so happy that she can at least not getting very mad.

sunway that day.. having low pressure because of not enough sleep and eat.. actually i am not suppose to play those thing but to accompany them.. sacrifice a bit. feeling very dizzy and unbalance, huh? feel very guilty? just like all my wrong and i am not suppose be that way.. it is fine already.

this is a present from carmen, i feel very shock and touches because she give me this T_T i make carmen feel unhappy every time but she making this to me..

inside that box contain a cute little puppy >_< i love it so much, carmen give me de first doll. i didnt even give her anything on valentine, till now..


jia wen, sorry.. zhen de so sorry.. one time one time de make you bu kai xin, always make dao you angry. zai this world na li hui got nan peng you hui rang zi ji de nv peng you cry then ne wo jiu mei ci rang dao ni hen shang xin de shuo chu fen shou. wo bu ying gai make dao ni zhe yang de. wo mei ci zai think ni hai xiao, bu hui think but wo jiu bu hui zhen yang gei ni ming bai, only hui chong fu de make dao ni zhe yang. all dou shi wo make dao ni zhe yang de. sunway na yi tian ru guo wo you take care hao lai jiu bu hui like that le, bu hui make ni bu kai xin and cry. ru guo me got think hao lai jiu bu hui got problem le. me so happy ke yi shou dao ni de li wu, got one small de gou gou, wo hen xi huan, ru guo wo bu bao dou hao, wo hui always bring zhe de. shi ni gei wo de gou gou, hui yong yuan de pei wo. ni de email got gan dong dao wo hen duo. wo zhen de mei you xiang dao ni hui like that gei wo thing de. hai hui make power point gei wo. zhen de hen xie xie ni. wo hui hen 赞赏 ni dui wo de ai. ni shi di yi ge zui ai wo de girl. ni shi wo zui ai de girl. jia wen ni yi ding yao shi wo zui ai de girl, yong yuan de gen wo xing fu de zai yi qi, bu ke yi li kai wo, bu li shen me shi dou hao, wo men shi yong yuan de, wo bu yao gen other people zai yi qi. gei ren zhi dao wo hui dui yi ge 1995 de girl zai yi qi, hui hen qi guai, ying wei ni tai xiao le. ni hui shi wo wei yi ge zui xing fu de lao po, wo zui xi huan, zui ai de girl. i love you o

Tuesday, 16 February 2010

saddiest thing

hope i am availble on FEB16, this is an auto post i write on FEB14 11:20 AM

if i cant get back, it mean something terrible will happen, just like my prediction


carmen, i love you

Sunday, 14 February 2010

heart being locked?

everyone have a heart, a heart that is very weak when they face thing about L.U.V. a lots of people always tell itself, i wont fall to anyone anymore (after breaking up) but most of them end up married. being hurt is temporarily and the wound in heart will recover. this is a very simple common reason, a human mind will slowly change, wont maintain a types of thinking forever.

after the first incident, i really hurt like hell, i am not breaking up, but being cheated.. i find out that she is having outing with other guy without my knowing. then lie's on me a lot. one stupid thing i never know, i used a lots of money on her, reloading and bank-in.. how come i am so stupid? thing already pass. after this injuries.. i have learn a lot. sweet talk, i dont have feel to it anymore and it is disgusting plus i have a grudge feel too.

my next love, my last one and my only one, hm.. will it be? everyone say relationship wont last song that easily.. you believe? of course i am. a relationship is troubling stuff, create a lots problem and unhappy thing, but it also give a lots of fun and happiness + memory too. love is sweet. maybe i am short in experience for being together with someone.. the problem i find out in myself.. is this the problem that cause ending in relationship?

i find out that i didnt take my first valentines seriously, i am just like fed up already.. when i really have mood for it.. something not right always keep on popping up.. making me pissing off.. did i really told someone about this? nah.. not even my closest sms friend xD sorry girl, haha. by the way.. is it wrong to feel pissing off and fed up? huh?

honestly, truthfully,  and seriously.. am i still **** her? lol..

YES, i am.. i still love her a lot, i love being with her and i love the feel.. but there are something not right in between us.. i wonder, will either one of us say END? 100% she will be the one that say it in future, not me. my promise, never leave her. in my prediction, she will be the one that leave me someday.. hope it will change.
 hm.. just like what i have said FEB16 a nightmare .. please pray for me.. be strong elric, you can do it ;) cb post, finish, publish!!!!!

Saturday, 13 February 2010

my latest outing on 12feb

huh? it is a very tiring outing.. wake up earlier .. 7am something i guess.. actually i cant wait to watch my movies >< koizora and ponyo.. they will be leaving me T_T borrowed to my dear, hope she take care it well. i watch a bit of this two movie before i pack it to my bag, koizora not bad, it is a very nice movie, i am so proud of that hiro, hope to be him and i like that naive little kid in ponyo movie. i dont have time to finish the movie, it is too long already T^T i went out on 10.30am actually i already late on this time but whatever, i am out already.

koizora is a very dramatic movies, the guy hiro teaches me a lots of thing, be dare and strong. protect the one you love is always a guy mission, whoever that fail it, it is a dead to them. i promise that i will protect carmen and so, i will do it. wont let her fall on any bad condition, try my best to make her feel that i am always with her.

today i went to bukit tinggi jusco in klang, from kepong.. is it cool? i went by train and taxi, walao, so jam and dizzy when i am on the way.. almost thrown out, luckily.. no @@ finally meet that jillin and lun.. huh? jilin look very giant and big, i always thought that she is a tiny one, just like zile size but, walao, gigantic eh..

we watch 3 movies on that day, the first movie T_T not nice at all, dont like, got people so scare de.. second movie NICE xD shh, third movie :( got to leave but okay la not bad, feel nice. buy couple T.

lol dont feel like writing anything already,

Thursday, 11 February 2010

elric's blog

huh.. a very complicated and nice one116 my blog.. this blog feel a bit of laggy.. i already do my best to reduce lag but still 080 whatever la, maybe it is my connection problem or what? please tell me if my blog is very very lag .. i will try to make it no lag 071 i think i already have a perfect one but still.. actually i want to get a custom layout but original and simple one can liao la, dont need to so luan.. right. just a simple post nia, not a real post.. will make more post afterward. this blog is offically open beta!! woohoo!! cool man!! 035

okay now, almost forget something .. 035 my relationship problem.. i think i dont know how to handle it or i dont have enough experience.. i just like, almost fail my life.. 035 a lots problem happen like misunderstanding or dont understand each other well.. when talk about it only, it will 004 stubborn is the problem, and a type of attitude then doesn't listen to advice given.. not understand or .. i dont know but i already try my best to say..

things i predict 009 i can feel that un-happy stuff will happen again.. she say wont and promise me but i feel never wrong except i get fall information of someone, i can feel and know some people 114 hao lian a bit cannot mie 104 lol ok la, post end ;) will be back with more post
love u o jia wen

Friday, 29 January 2010

a silent voice

Jia wen, ni hui bu hui hen qi guai wei shen me wo hui write this gei ni, qi shi wo write this gei ni you specia de yi shi de o. wo bu zhi dao qi shi dao di ni ming bu ming bai wo xie de thing ying wei wo write pin yin gen English yi qi.
Wo write English pa ni hui bu ming, write pin yin pa hui cuo shuo yi, so wo cai write English gen pin yin together, xiang ni ming bai er yi lo. Wo first time ren shi ni shi zai facebook de message. Na ge shi hou wo shi dui ni write hen shen de English.. wo yi wei zai hin hua school de ren, English yi ding hen hao de but qi shi bus hi >< Chong wo first time zhi dao got Carmen chieong, wo jiu dui ta hen you xin qu xiang yao ren shi ta le but hen mei you xing xin de. Wo zhen de you xiang guo wo wen dao di you mei you ke neng de last time, hai mei gen ni zai yi qi de shi hou. Ni first time call wo shi use house phone de, xiang jiu zhi dao shi ni liao. First time thing dao ni de sound de shi you wo jiu yi jing hen jing zhang, gan jue guai guai le, hen xiang gen ni talk phone. Jing zhang also want talk and wo xiang liao jie gen zhi dao ni de shuo you. Then wo men jiu yi qi wan sdo le. Shi ni dai wo wan sdo de, bu ran wo dou bu ke neng qu learn or play. Na ge shi hou gen ni wan de time jiu man man dui ni you gan jue de and wo shi first time gen nv shen zai game kao dao na me jing de lo. Gan jue hen hao de gen ni play sdo, wo hen xi huan. Last time wo bu zhi dao qi shi ni pei wo wan sdo, play easy de song ni hui hen boring, shuo yi wo cai every time jiao ni pei. Hen xiang ask ni, qi shi ni bu boring de ma? Pei wo wan sdo low level de song, last time. Dao wo dui ni you hao gan de shi hou wo jiu mei tian zai think ni gen dream dou kan dao ni. Wo mei you pian ni de, shi zhen de. Wo first time dui ni shuo wo ai ni shi zai wo fang gong de time then yao shang che hu jia de shi hou. Ni ying gai forget le gua, hoho. Then ni first time dui wo shuo ni ai wo de time, shi zai wan shang wo jiao ni say de. Qi shi zai hen jiu last time ni yi jing zhi dao wo dui ni you hao gan. But ni jiu hao xiang shen me dou bu li and bu believe de then mei tian zai jia jia. You yi tian yudine gen wo shuo le something, gei wo zhi dao qi shi ni shi zai qi pian wo, ni shi you gen ren jiao wang de. Na ge shi hou wo hen shang.. wo zai thing, wo hao xiang you lai bei girl pian le. Wo jiu bu li ni liao. Wo na ge shi hou dui ni hen shi wang. Then ne, ni jiu hao xiang bu li wo gan shou, mei tian zai gen wo shuo ni gen people de shi. Ni zhi dao wo hen bu kai xin de ma ru guo ni tell wo na xie thing? Remember na ge shi hou ma? Wo men first time meet, shi wo first time qu dao klang so far de place, yi ge ren learn go and think zhen yang. Na ge shi hou wo yi jing shi shuan shuo xi huan ni liao de but bu gan qu.. hen xiang tuo ni de shou but bu gan. Gen ni first time go out, wo hen kai xin o na yi tian, meet le hen duo friend, hen hao ^^ Wo bu shi you yi duan shi jian dui ni mei you gan jue, dui ma? Na ge shi hou shi wo dui ni shuo bu chu wo ai ni le, wo gen zi ji shuo, wo hao xiang mei you zai think ni le.. qi shi zai wo gen ni fen liao de na ge time.. wo shi hai you mei tian de zai think ni.. dao le wo men zai meet de time, wo de feel hui lai le  you zai xi huan ni le. Wo ai nib u shi ni ke ai, nian ching or shen me de, shi ying wei wo dui ni you yi zhong hen special de gan jue, hen xiang yao gen ni zai yi qi, hen xing fu de feel. Gen ni yi qi wo cai hui de dao zhen de kai xin. Ni hui gei wo yi zhong hen shuang gen hen shu fu de feel, gen ni zai yi qi zhen de shi hao. Sunway lagoon, ni remember ma? Wo yong yuan bu hui wang le na tian de, shi zai tai kai xin gen wo mei you qu guo, gen jue hen hao. First time gen girl so near de then got yong bao de, but do shen me dou hen bu gan de lo >_< hen xiang bao ni, qian ni de shou, hoho, bu cuo de feel o. na tian gen ni wan de hen kai xin.
Qi shi wo hui everytime think ni hai xiao, hai mei zhang da, yi dian jiu fa pi qi, hen bu chen sou then ne yi dian bu xi huan jiu bu shuang, de bu dao xiang yao de thing jiu hen shen qi, hen bu nai fan and gan jue bu hao jiu hen angry le then ne shen me dou hao xiang hen bu hao de. Wo hui think, qi shi ni you mei you xiang guo this shi bu hao de ma or think xia wo or other people hui zhen yang think or gan jue hui zhen yang? Qi shi girl shi ying gai you this de tai du bu ran jiu bu wan mei. Wo zai zi le there kan dao ni de ying zhi, jiu hao xiang yi dian jiu angry de, dao na ge time wo jiu zhi dao girl qi shi hen easy angry de. Boy jiu shi yao you ke yi ren girl cai ke yi gen ta yong yuan de, dui ma?
Wo you chen jing xiang guo wo men dao di you mei you wei lai, hm.. wo ying gai qu xiang yi ding hui you cai dui. Wei shen me you hui xiang dao you mei you ne? or shi wo hui pao qi? Or shi ni hui pao qi wo? Hm.. wo jiu ying gai bu hui do dao na me chan ren de shi gua.. dang ran bu hui lo. Confirm bu hui.
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Haha, next time cai zai write guo ba, hao xiang mei shen me hao write de liao

[Silent post to you 29-01-2009 5:15 PM] right after a phone call ;)

Disappointed to myself on this post

Sunday, 10 January 2010

;)

this type of feeling is very unique, deep inside the heart.. you wont have any wound or see any blood flooding but you will have the feeling of injuries and pain till you cant breath and your eye will flow up tear even thought that you don't feel like crying. quotes like "Although the wound is bleeding but the pain will fade away as time goes by, wound will recover faster if apply medicine but the wound in the heart is difficult, it is difficult to heal and it might not be healed in a life time" who agree? who believe i make own quotes? geng leh

Sunday, 27 December 2009

;(

just like what i have expected, she will mad when she cant have thing that she want. this attitude really sucks, thought that every girl are same, said by yi suen. obviously it is not.. i dont know what to do now, really, i am so mad and angry. she wanted to have last meet on sunday, so she must want? if not? she must accept is cannot, not everything you want, you can have it. what can you do if you just get mad about it? i dont know how to explain and teach you because you wont hear or realize your mistake. i think this must be de main reason and why i leave her before, it is because i dont understand her enough, whats the different if i know her more now? i cant still change the fact that she is so immature and childish, a very reasonable too and dont know how to think about others difficulty, only wants what she want.. proven that.. each time when she say, i will listen everything you commands, she will no, dont want.

end post for a moment, darn it

Friday, 25 December 2009

remember what i told you?


?? you just like forgetting something about relationship stuff, maybe you are a bit too young for it and i should admit that i am with a little girl now.. i am just like a suck, with a little girl??

she still haven't really know how to think about someone feels, only think about own.

example,when you do something, dont think about own only, try think about others, you will know more.. let's make an example from myself and what i am experience..

mark this date and read properly, this post is base on myself and correct date.

she is going to go back on Monday, she wanted me to accompany till her last moment to klang, i have no problem with it. okay, her mind and think now is, she want me to go no matter what, didn't about my difficulty.. doesn't ask too.. same like how i find her at klang, didnt even know how much i already sacrifices for her, still think that maybe i am temporarily to her only.

obvious all because i love her, thats all, i wanted her to learn to be more caring, mature, don't always mad on what you cant get, i will love you more if you are good. have to change to be more mature.i already loosed my confidence on helping you for change, it is yourself already, not a lot people can stand it.

hm.. k now, lets see

??

Hm...

It is like something we cal too over...? I don’t know how to write it in English. Example, everyone know we can’t always fulfill someone wish by their request. Okay, you have what you wanted always now. One day if you can’t get what you want, you will be like, I want, I must want, I don’t care or ELSE. Can anyone understand what I mean? This situation is a bit like her but a bit different. She just want what she want, or she will like, whatever, can’t get then just feeling mad and not good about, won’t have a type of thinking like, can’t have okay, maybe I will have it next time.

Can’t get what she wanted, huh? Once she want, she must want it or.. ;( something like that..

Sunday, 13 December 2009

special happy day .. hm..


my cute honey carmen =) wo de zui ai.. it is a very tiring day, dont know am i able to write a lot or not. i am quite shock when i know jia wen told her mother about me, luckily nothing bad happen, if her biao jie, then finish lu..her mother is a nice person actually but a bit corrupted in attitude and ways of treating, it is a fine one, not ask worse as her lo.

today me go midvalley with jia wen, so happy, then got meet my friend, color wolf, hamsap zai. wo de jia wen is so cute de lo, so many people like her de.

jia wen got come my house also, first time a girl i bring come to my house, she even went to my room and locked too but didnt do anything >< kissed in house =) feel so nice de, then hug, then she got sleep with me, so nice.

at movie, storm rider II not yet finish watch, not bad, quite nice, do something in movie too, hen shuang, thirsty kiss ><

tired tired lu, remark at blog, my memories

...

post end ;)

wo hen ai jia wen o

Wednesday, 9 December 2009

taste of love


actually i am a bit upset on the time when pass 12am because i like wishing a lot more than a present.. she didnt greet me also but it is fine because she greet me a lot more than other people. sometime i am a bit cant stand the feel of commanding but it is okay.
my birthday, first time feeling so high and nice, it is on my birthday too, greatest gift!! love you so much, giving me such a nice feel and present. happiest moment in life, highest moment too.
we watches too movie, twilight new moon and JUMP, it is so nice, enjoying watching movie with kissing, very nice, feel very nice.
no one will believe that i almost or already loses my first time or almost, cant write here because it is sx21 hoho, done something very high, i dont believe myself actually try or do it, i really feel high and nice but i cannot do too much because i scare kena ar..
kiss, hug kiss, tight hug kiss, close contact with each other, squeezing, taking off, try try, see see, touch touch, taste taste, put put xD what the hell?

it is my greatest birthday, thanks, short post

Monday, 7 December 2009

no one know my post

shit browser make me rewrite my blog. there are something upset me and it is repeat again, over and over, i almost fed-up already.what can i do? you are dropping this command, you want to do or not? don't want do then suan, don't want care you. this is okay if it is just for playing. starting, yes, everything is just like playing, time longer, i cant breath anymore, she is choking me to death. okay, don't say the old case, say the current one first. she is asking me to call my boss now or she will ignore me. asking me to take leave for tomorrow, i already told her, boss is not nonchargeable for this because he is not in the office or working there, then i dont have other staff number plus i promise people that i am going to work on 8am, i need to go even if i know later i have to leave for an outing. i really hope i can have a nice birthday outing even if it is late one or simple without anything. darn it, my problem here is, i say it is okay then okay, dont ask me to this and that or you will ignore, okay, suan, not effecting anything.
you done something very wrong already, i know it is good for me but you do it on wrong way, you will slowly minus some mark from you to me. you cant ask or command someone on this matters, you are giving stress and pressure, making someone feel bad and hard. i already listen enough of you, but of course, you are the biggest one, who dare to disobey you? you say what ma what la, ignore me? it is your problem already. 8december2009 end.. + feedback, hm.. you should try understand my feel and problem, you think too much about yourself already and doesnt care about me at all. okay, it is okay..

Thursday, 26 November 2009

mental illness insomnia night

i dont know whats wrong with my lung got problem like last time again but i know and think it is temporarily, wont have any big problem or how. i got a yu gan tell me if got people punch my heart, i might lose my life but boy fight dont beat the heart so fine. actually i can confirm to myself it is fine, no big deal, what can happen to me? nothing.
last night, i think i am having insomnia, long time no kena already because i always have a nice sleep, nothing to be worried, nothing can make me feel hard. but, there are something giving me pressure, she ask me to checkout whats on me. my family and everyone dont do body check because my father is a very kolot and stupid, he hates bla bla checking so same to me, but body checking is okay to me, i like because i can know my body status.
asking me to check, it is okay but i will start feeling stress and having, pressure all bursted up, how am i going to go? do i have enough money, is it free if i go jinjang there? it take a long time? whats the big reason to me to go? it is nothing at all plus wasting time. it is fuck! if i tell my parent i want to go to check check, shit up la. all of them suck, hate them.
jia wen, ni yao jia you, ni bu kai xin or feel bu hao, wo ye hui feel bu hao, wo zhi dao ni shi hen qiang de, jia you.

Tuesday, 20 October 2009

saturday sunday outing 18/19 october 2009


"Saturday outing with Carmen, it is my first time going to sunway lagoon and playing water there. learn how to swim for my time on water, very nice!! first time so near to girl, first time a girl on my back. Sunday my first ever date, goes to me with Annie, darn, will it be a bit waste because i am not with my really girlfriend. whatever.. i don't know whether should set my blog to private or not because there are too many things or secret make me cant share here.. damn stressing but okay lar, keep lo"

刘裕扬 Hoo Yik Yang Although the wound is bleeding but the pain will fade away as time goes by, wound will recover faster if apply medicine but the wound in the heart is difficult, it is difficult to heal and it might not be healed in a life time

Monday, 12 October 2009

stupid job and sorry carmen

"i think i am going to lose a job soon, actually i know i cant work long already but i didn't quit, i need money to survive and i don't want to waste time if i can work. after losing this job, i really don't know what can i do afterward. Annie tell me his company is hiring people, sales coordinator, i really don't have confidence for doing this type of job, so far, i only know how to operate a machine and it is already my profession. if i can have this type of work then nice but not so lucky.. maybe i should try that work if it is find, location is quite near and okay. by the way, i need to have two job too, part time"one more thing, don't know why i felt so sorry to Carmen, not because of cheating her or how, it is my problem, i think i don't like her anymore, not because my heart is change, it is because the feeling is dead, i like to be in single life and want to be single, i have more freedom when i am single, this is what i think. i don't want to effect Carmen examination so i will tell her that i want to break up with her when we meet, i have no choice and i don't want to make her hurt more, okay then, end post"
刘裕扬 Hoo Yik Yang Although the wound is bleeding but the pain will fade away as time goes by, wound will recover faster if apply medicine but the wound in the heart is difficult, it is difficult to heal and it might not be healed in a life time

Sunday, 11 October 2009

my first Saturday night in sanctuary 10-10-2009 unforgettable

"last night, it is my first night going to sanctuary clubbing with friend, my motive and reason for going there is have fun and see only but i am overload, i drink too much till i spin into those dancing. luckily i don't know how to dance shuffle or i already fly there, quite shit when i know i cant dance. i didn't really felt any sorry Carmen last night even if i know i got girlfriend, very disappointed why my partner cant be her but whatever  la. the drinks was nice and i feel so damn high and nice, i thought that i will stand only but i dance at there. i don't believe a shy man like me can have a dancing partner, first time experiences it and feel so high. i cant describe my feeling here very it is too nice >< too many story, ask me too call you if want to know more"
刘裕扬 Hoo Yik Yang Although the wound is bleeding but the pain will fade away as time goes by, wound will recover faster if apply medicine but the wound in the heart is difficult, it is difficult to heal and it might not be healed in a life time

Sunday, 4 October 2009

i want to hide myself


"don't know why.. the feeling of i am not belong at here is back, i feel like don't want to stay at here le la T^T i want to keep my friend in home, only anime and life, that's all.. i feel very down because i am too useless and lame.. why am i so this? i don't want to back to my anime life, it make me stay in home always. but, i am still in house always without anime but online. okay now, what am i writing? i feel myself very useless from other, a very useless and tak guna punya.. dont need to proof or how, my life is already very miserable, luen 7 8 jou.. hopeless geh la me.. chat me in msn to know more hyikyang@yahoo.com"
刘裕扬 Hoo Yik Yang Although the wound is bleeding but the pain will fade away as time goes by, wound will recover faster if apply medicine but the wound in the heart is difficult, it is difficult to heal and it might not be healed in a life time

wealthiness attract


"now i remember something that i see, a very realistic de image, i dont know, am i suppose to write it out but just write ba.. money and wealthiness attract people.. i know what it mean gao liao. i see with my own eye, a person wealthiness will attract people automatically, very geng.. i hope i can own some ability of something always but whatever la.. i am despair T^T cincai la, rich people is like that de, i want to stick to rich people too"
刘裕扬 Hoo Yik Yang Although the wound is bleeding but the pain will fade away as time goes by, wound will recover faster if apply medicine but the wound in the heart is difficult, it is difficult to heal and it might not be healed in a life time

jia wen de ai


"haha, my bao bei so cute de lo, she write that thing in school, and posted it to facebook ;p she seen to like me a lot and very much and i very appreciate her love to me and i will very love her too >< our time on meeting each other is super less because i got work.. if i dont have work, i can find her always after she finish her school.. being human like me is very despair actually.. mood down liao.. nice image o jia wen^^ xi huan ni"
刘裕扬 Hoo Yik Yang Although the wound is bleeding but the pain will fade away as time goes by, wound will recover faster if apply medicine but the wound in the heart is difficult, it is difficult to heal and it might not be healed in a life time

huh? what a night.. darn..

"last few day ago Annie asked me to go for a BBQ with her friend, i didn't for any type of place like this, gathering with a lots of people that i don't know, quite hard to get along well because we're different world person but of course there are still way that i can be friend with them, it will be, i am the another type of person to them. so what else? just write some feeling, not my story.. actually i was hoping myself to have more outing with people and i already start to dare myself for going anywhere, my friend ask, i go, that's all. actually i am feeling quite stress last night, seeing a lots of people that very good in talking, why can i be them but actually i am one of them? honestly i am a type of people that talks a lot and joke a lot plus like to make fun and fooling, i just cant get to use it with friend or people that i don't know. quite despair and hopeless, last night before going out, quarrel with my mother awhile, say i am very picky on clothing -_-' what do she mean by picky? i don't have choice to choose. three cans of tiger 5% alcohol level in one shoot, i already feel dizzy on second cans, am i that weak or actually it is normal? feeling despair ma drink la, need reason geh meh? actually i want more but i think i will fall if i drink the fifth can.. whatever.. Annie now, look and attitude still dont really mature yet though she already not like last time but still same.. then the Koo Pui Yee, it already been awhile since the last day i see her, few year jor lo. last night i speak wrong something, actually i wanted to go home early with Annie gah but i say 'fan sin la' then they think i say 'lei fan sin la' so i back home late and give her abandon jor. haih, make new blog liao so there will be more update coming, hoho, my update is random time and day"
刘裕扬 Hoo Yik Yang Although the wound is bleeding but the pain will fade away as time goes by, wound will recover faster if apply medicine but the wound in the heart is difficult, it is difficult to heal and it might not be healed in a life time

Saturday, 19 September 2009

19-09-2009 Souji Tendou

Throughout the series, it’s been noted that the main protagonist, Souji Tendou would always quote from his adoptive grandmother. In other episodes, his step-sister, Jyuka Tendou would also quote from her grandmother as well. To contradict this, Tsurugi Kamishiro had also chipped in quotes from his butler, Jiiya.

Grandmother said this…

  • Walking the path of heaven, the man who will rule everything.
  • Make the world revolve around you. It’s more fun to think that way.
  • When people love others, they become weaker, but it is nothing to be ashamed of. True weakness lies elsewhere.
  • When not close by, one is even closer.
  • Chase two birds, and you catch two birds.
  • People who steal things, lose something even more important.
  • It is enjoyable to eat something delicious, but the greatest joy is the time spent waiting for it.
  • If you wish it to be so, luck will always be on your side.
  • Flowers can make any girl glow.
  • All girls are equally beautiful.
  • A knife can only bring happiness when used in cooking.
  • Fancy flavors cannot hide poor cooking.
  • It is fun to add a secret flavor so that no one knows. But… it’s more fun to find it.
  • The whisper of the devil can sometimes sound like an angel’s voice.
  • One that drowns in oneself will eventually fall to darkness.
  • Even if the world were full of enemies, there is someone you must protect.
  • If you receive a little kindness, give them a large serving.
  • Imitating others is not bad, for it is to recognize ourselves.
  • Once you know the real thing… you won’t be fooled by an imitation.
  • Children are treasures. The greatest sin in this world is to damage those treasures.
  • During meals an angel descends, for it is a sacred time.
  • There are two things men must not do. One is to not make girls cry…The other is to not handle food crudely!
  • The sun is wonderful, it can make even the dirt shine.
  • Life is a long path to a goal. Drop your heavy luggage and enjoy walking with your hands empty.
  • Men must be cool. Boiling water is but vapor.
  • The wishes of the children are the future reality…Adults that laugh at such dreams are no longer human.
  • A bond is a deep connection that cannot be broken. Even if apart, heart and heart are connected.
  • My evolution is faster than the light. Nothing in the whole universe can keep up with my evolution.

Tuesday, 8 September 2009

08-09-2009 The answers given to the questions have been shown to have a relevance to values and ideals that we hold in our personal lives.

You are walking in the woods with myself. myself is the most important person in your life.

You see a dog. The size of the animal is representative of your perception of the size of your problems.

You scare. with the animal? The severity of the interaction you have with the animal is representative of how you deal with your problems. (passively/aggressively)

You walk deeper in the woods. You enter a clearing and before you is your Dream House. It is large. The size of your dream house is representative of the size of your ambition to resolve your problems.

Is your dream house surrounded by a fence? You answered no. No fence is indicative of an open personality. People are welcome at all times. The presence of a fence indicates a closed personality. You´d prefer people not to drop by unannounced.

You enter the house. You walk to the dining area and see the dining table. Around are on and around the table. If your answer did not include food, people, or flowers, then you are generally unhappy.

You exit the house through the back door. Lying in the grass is a cup. The cup is made of glass. . The durability of the material with which the cup is made of is representative of the perceived durability of your relationship with myself. For example, styrafoam, plastic, and paper are all disposable, styrofoam, paper and glass are not durable, and metal and plastic are durable.

You bring home. Your disposition of the cup is representative of your attitude towards myself

08-09-2009 Love test result

Below are the analysis result

Dear Elric 刘裕扬, below are your love test result:

1. The road represents your attitude towards falling in love. You chose the short road. You fall in love quickly and easily. (very quick end too)

2. The number of red roses represents how much you give in a relationship, while the number of white represents what you expect in return. You give 100% and expect 0% in return. (i give everything without expecting any return)

3. This question represents your attitude towards handling relationship problems. You like to get the person yourself. You are a more direct person and like to work out problems immediately. (that's why when my friend wanted to invite girl to me, i rather find one myself)

4. The placement of the roses determines how much you like seeing your boy/girlfriend. You place the roses on the bed. You like to see him/her a lot. (i will like to see my love one always)

5. This represents your attitude towards his/her personality. You prefer the person to be asleep, you love the person the way s/he is. (this is true)

6. The road to home tells how long you stay in love with someone. You chose the longer road. You will tend to stay in love for a long time. (of course)

too complicated le, this stuff and that stuff, house, work, life, parent, money, ability, my happiness, and my mood, where is it now. feeling down because of small problem, being offend very easily. hate being myself now, want this no this, life is so unhappy.
For Elric 刘裕扬 who have zodiac Sagitarius, below are their perfect match criteria :

Perfect Partners: Aries, Leo
Nearly Perfect Partners: Libra, Aquarius
Like Minded Souls: Sagittarius
Opposites Youre Attracted To: Taurus, Cancer
Learn From Your Differences: Scorpio, Capricorn
Not Your Destiny: Virgo, Pisces
Astrological Hell: Gemini

Sunday, 6 September 2009

06-09-2009 stupid useless elric

i am dead now, something that not suppose to be happen already happen or actually it is normal for guy? now i know that actually i am a very bad guy, i think i will be hurting someone sooner and later. net world, it is not a reality world and it can happen a lots of thing that we don't expect. i am feeling very complicated. slowly ba, very short post for some remind for myself.

私はだれを私が好むが、知らないか知りなさいだれを私が今実質またはないである従って私がそれを確認しなければならないことを維持するelric好むか知っている!!

Monday, 31 August 2009

31-08-2009


last year, after graduating from my secondary school, the first job that i get is a cashier in computer cent-re. my parent asked me to work for temporarily because they tell me i will be studying next. everyone know computer cent-re job wont be long because salary will not be high so this will be a perfect temporarily job.
(actually my parent never wanted me to study)

working there actually it is not bad at all because i meet a lot people, the amount can be say countless.. too, not going to mention a lot people or this post will be undone. mention some special things then. actually i am a ragnarok player last time when i am in secondary school, ragnarok is my favorite online game, till now i still very like it..
(working there is a bit suck, salary is very low)

i didn't listen to my mother advise at very first when i start working in computer cent-re.. i get addicted back to ragnarok online.. in the game, i meet stephanie ho hui wen. i know this girl for one years already, didn't contact each other much after exchanging number and email. last night i come back very late to home from, when i touches my computer, she suddenly popped up a chat on me, she tell me that she just come back, so coincidence. she tell me that she cut short of her hair already so i ask her to let me see because she don't seen to like her new hair. honestly her new hair style not bad so i praise her a bit, when i am going to sleep, she greeted me good night and tell me she love me >< add a seriously too.. darn, must be fake but she wont cheat me
(she is a bit like my type because of age and attitude she have)

unveil my secret here, no one knows before
few day ago i know a girl call carmen, she study in hin hua, same school with raven. dont know why this girl feels a bit special to me or i think too much, so now i am single, then i can try go after her. girl that i like, can be say as random or any because i dont mind anything if i really like a girl. she is only 14 this year >

cant fully posted, write other day, good night

Thursday, 27 August 2009

27-08-2009 下part (end)


my mother is going to kill me if she know that i am still online at this late hour. i cant sleep now because i want to update this post.

0135

just now i talk on phone for more than one hours, i believe that my phone bill will going to be like hell.. i use my digi number to call a hotlink number..

human is always a type of living things that get emotionate very easily. just like myself, i really feel so uncomfortable till i wanted to cry out, can you guess how stressing am i? and actually whats wrong going on into me? can anyone understand? no, only myself.

i am a very useless guy, dumb and always no confidence to myself, trying to be strong and brave, thought that i can improve myself to be better than always, stronger in anything, but i cant. weak is weak, must accept the true, i feel like crying and i can cry right away.

i am very exhausted now, tomorrow still got work, need to wake up at 0600 to get ready and prepare. what is the time now? i already got three night not enough sleep, tomorrow i will be a very dead at working, hope i can be energetic a bit and fast respond on work.

this type of problem is always very complicated, got one friend tell me that he got a friend that have a very perfect partner, after hearing that, my heart straight away fall.. so it mean i wont have a perfect partner? my confidences level dropped and fall already.

= =
i am too silent recent, no one really know my problem and stuff, even my closest bird don't know whats really happen. i hate flirting and i dont like lying and cheating or not real. i need to change, this is what i know.. no matter how many time i said that, i still will saying that, till now.. dont know when only i can really have the different.

last few day, i tolled someone what i have feel, she just like nothing and okay, i feel so angry because of no respond, feeling down afterward. a stick knife, stick by stick stabbed into my heart with some jealousy feeling. it is not easy to get know to each other to be close like a very close friend. the feeling of jealous and scare someone being take over is really so hard to feels, you only feel pain and crying when yours follow other go.

going to sleep after this
actually it is very stupid and not suppose to be happen or this is what we call things that cannot be explain happened to me? i have gave up a very big heavy bag, now i have another one on my back. feeling so not well

GOOD NIGHT

Monday, 24 August 2009

26-08-2009 上part


i didnt tell anyone about this, i already start keeping and hiding my problem inside my heart, it make my unmasked me feels down.

maybe i make another mistake about this problem again, actually it is what a kid always do and it is normal. whatever, it do feels uncomfortable.

wanted to forget about it, wanted to tell you, can leave me alone for a moment, let me forget about you in a short time but i cant.

whats going on, elric, work, online and sleep, pass your day with this, dont think so much and know a lot people already. work until age twenty something, collect enough money, do own business.

elric is once again having the feeling of thousand chain in heart, all the chain is entangled, very complicated.

suzuku
to be continue...

Saturday, 22 August 2009

22-08-2009 my private post


August 19
it is a day that i get know to a girl, everything's start with a very flirty way.. hehe, not going to tell how.

finding a young girl as mate always give me a type of feeling like my younger sister or something because i am originally a brother to a lots of people already.

don't know why i always have some difficulty on talking with some people in phone, maybe i am too shy or not normally with calling people that i don't know. there are a day in night, i requested someone for a call to her, darn.. i am feeling so shy.. just feel like listening her voice again, very cute.

finally, a game that i always say want to join but i didnt, i already joined it, it is XDO, dont know why i will want to play it that eagerly, maybe i got people accompany me? haha. it is a very nice and flirty game with a lots of effect in character after typing a code.

i play XDO with Carmen last night, it is my first time playing this type of dancing game, the feeling is quite nice de when playing it with Carmen. i think she will boring if play with me too much, level differences and song level not suit. haha, i make a kiss on her last night

i think i am having a very special type of feeling again, having a feeling doesnt mean of anything, i am not sure about it so lets confirm it and go after it slowly from start.

short post la, praying, no people visit till i make my new post please

Tuesday, 18 August 2009

18-08-2009 a late night post before bed time


it already been awhile since the last day i update my blog, there are a lots of thing happen in me, things that is not expected.. luckily so far i didn't make much post at here or this blog will be a very complicated one, actually i am thinking of abandoning this blog because there are too much of stupid post but whatever.. i am still using this, giving up blog is a very stupid things because i will give up all my memory too. just write what i want to write here. actually i am a bit hurry in making this post, rushing for sleeping early, i already told Gina that i will should her my blog so i have to make new post to cover my old post >_< i make too much of stupid post already but i am not going to delete it no matter how, things already happen then just let it be. today is quite fun, actually i plan to do a lots of thing after work today but don't know why it end up with chatting with Gina whole day. i really cant believe that there are someone that made video call with me, just listening to music and voice, the webcam is on but what i see is a desk only ar.. the photo that i uploaded in this post is very long time ago already, my hair already trimed and my hair dont look that that anymore ;p very ugly.. today is my first day feeling so free at working time because i dont have anything to do, just feeling a bit sleepy and tired because of last night, sleep too late already. okay then, i have to end my post now because it is very late already, good night and sweet dream.

Elric 刘裕扬

Wednesday, 12 August 2009

12-08-2009 dusty blog, wipe wipe


  • so long time didnt update my blog already, no mood to update at all
  • the time and day that i am not updating my blog, happen so much things
  • actually my blog is one of my memory and diary too, haih.. so many memory not written
  • so many thing happen but all is okay la
  • very short de post, i will be back to blog
there are something happen between me and carrien last few day, i thought that it already become an end. i found out that carrien is with another guy but actually no, this is what she tell me and there are no reason for her to lie me. the photo they take is so close, can even be closer than me, when i first see it, i feel so damn pain because i already hurted so badly. the video they record, i heard they calling each other like husband and wife too. actually i already dont want to be with her. tell you all what, i too love carrien already, if not, i already find another one and dont want her. a lot people dislike her, haih..

Wednesday, 8 July 2009

08-07-2009 physically tired


sleep on exhausted mode last night, wake up very early this morning.. so sleepy and tired, i already confirm myself of having OT everyday if possible, i got time and energy for it, what i short is mental energy. i never have a proper breakfast every morning, sometime can be nothing in stomach but i problem my lao po try to eat more if possible so that i can grown bigger and not that thin. this morning my father not free to fetch me so i need to get out from my house early for stopping a taxi, an uncle age 70+ fetched me to work, 1936 years, that uncle is very nice, talks to me on the whole way, i am too tired to talk with him. this whole day i act that i am okay to work and OT but actually i already exhausted and very tired, i dont think i can hold it but i will try my best on what am i aftering in future. my work is going very well now, need to learn more and more, the purpose of working is gaining expeerience and learn a lots of things. from my colleague i have learn and know a lots of thing, although his age is not far from me but he is a guy that full with experience on a lots of stuff. from what he say, from what i know, it is true and might be happen. i think twice on it, he is right on a lots of things. my lunch was full, a box of rice, it is damn lots and spicy with some sambal~ my OT is very quick, i mean super quick and mega fast. i feel so fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan, i need someone someone someone someone someone someone to talk or share my feeling, how come my lao po can be the one, why..
lao po, i miss you everyday and night, dream of you everytime when i sleep, think of you always when i am only me, as girl, i know girl will always hope and wish for thier guy be with them everytime, for me, i have the same thinking, i want to be with you always and everything, possible, i want to be everday. i am on a very serious mental exhausted mode, i hope that you can be the one that make me feel relax and fine back, a talk will help. you must always remember this, i am now sacrificing on work.

Tuesday, 7 July 2009

07-07-2009


Today i wake up at 7am and it will be always. Last night, finally, a call has been made, Carrien will never know how happy am i or she don't know that i miss very very badly. I sleep at 5am if i am not wrong, only 2hours of sleep, went to cheras with my friend again, get caught by Carrien, she know i sleep very late because of going out with friend. Last night is cool and fun but less one people, actually the person that have been left over, he is a quite guy and can't get attention by friend, his mouth will only open when we ask him something. There are a girl call Ah Yee, she say i am a coward in real life, shy and quiet, like to talk big and don't dare to do anythings. This girl mind didn't update, who know that if i am not or i have change? Or i can be a very talkative and wild person? I can lie her just like what i have lies, i act that i don't know what is a kiss with tongue. This is very common and of course i know, i am wondering what it feels. my lunch today, it is GREAT FULL!! i am thinking of working OT and night shift now, experience needed on a good job, work hard for it then.
carrien, i will be working for OT from tomorrow if possible, i need to gain more experience and time for learning and i will be very tired in physical. working on night shift, do you think it is fine for me? time will be less, my working hour will be your not working time and your working time will not be my working time. someone tell me something today, related to a meaning call filter. okay then, short post, good night to all

Monday, 6 July 2009

06-07-2009 almost forget to make post


Wake up a bit late after 7AM today, very tired, last night having some headache that make me feel so exhausted. This morning eat only a piece of mini moon cake then drink something. My current mood is a bit down, don't know whats wrong, actually my work is fine, i like it so much and i will stick to it, it is nothing to do with my job if i am feeling down. Feeling down because of miss someone very badly? This is serious, i am telling everyone that i miss Carrien so much. It is just like, example "if Carrien is in front of me now, i will run to her, hug her tight and cry" this is only some example. I am type of people that don't know how to express mood and feeling. Nothing effect my emotion on working today, done quite well nothing wrong happen. I already qualify for working OT mean i will be working for 12hours a day, can earn more money and gain more experience. If my parent agree, i will slowly work for OT time, i will do anything for experience and money. Working 12hours a day is hell, very abnormal but it is on weekday time so i think it will be okay. Need some agreement from parent, then ask my lao po see how, the work is really very tiring and not easy, use a lots of brain and energy. People always say guy always look younger than women, if i work this way, i think i will look equal with Carrien, wont look younger, it will be great then. When i look younger than Carrien, i will feel like i am still kid. I will make myself got a looks like an adult, go in casino without checking identity card. Hopefully on age 18 or 19. My lunch for today, rice with meat slice, green chili pepper and crab stick, i am SO full with the lunch box! Do you think i got chance to make a lunch box for lao po? Or she will make me one. See lo. Is there any place that me and Carrien and be together a day in weekend time, i mean a place like vacation or something, can stay a day together every weekend. Need to make some plan on transport and more. A guy like me, didn't go out before, what also don't know, so useless. This morning when i am looking for a clothe to wear for work, i noticed, actually i don't have a lots of clothe to wear and i never buy clothe before, all the clothe i wear, it is some DONATE from cousin neighbour and friend. This time i really must have some outfit shipping. I always say i want to save money, what am i aftering? Actually nothing but now, i want to have a car, i want to bring lao po come kepong more often. If i got car, i will be able to do anything and go anywhere, freedom is mine! This is what Raven wont have, freedom, LOL! I will have freedom after owning a car! Cool! Elric jia you! I will try my best to own a car BY this wear IF can and got ability. Wait for me Carrien, it will never be long. today after work, i call carrien two time also not people pick up :( never mind lo..
want to have more time planning one some outing that need a day to spend time together every weekend saving money for a car in future call you always no matter what love you

Sunday, 5 July 2009

05-07-2009 short post


wake up very early today, online whole day, i suppose to be going out with my lao po but didn't.. headache!! need to make post daily.. work time really making me feel so stress, although the work is easy and simple, memorizing and more, it is killing me.. i can die, i need lao po a lot :( tomorrow work again, jia you elric, need to sleep early.
There are as many nights as days, and the one is just as long as the other in the year's course. Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word 'happy' would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness.
About suffering they were never wrong, The Old Masters; How well they understood Its human position; how it takes place While someone else is eating or opening a window or just walking dully along.
For everything there is a season,
And a time for every matter under heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die;
A time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal;
A time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh;
A time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to throw away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
A time to embrace, And a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to seek, and a time to lose;
A time to keep, and a time to throw away;
A time to tear, and a time to sew;
A time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate,
A time for war, and a time for peace.

Saturday, 4 July 2009

04-07-2009 i dream of you again


today i wake up very early, i dream of lao po again, i still cant think any outing activities with her but i really miss her a lot, i am thinking of going to her house but will i interrupt her parent Sunday resting and family day? that day i go because of being requested.. as long as i can be with her, anywhere will be fine, my work make me feel so stress.. a lots of pressure on memorizing and controlling a machine. no professional teacher and people that teach me is too complicated, although i am clever until dont need to write down some note but i still feel very scare of crushing machine. today i go to work at a bit late but on time, dont need to wait for a long time till everyone reach there. yesterday i already start to control the machine, today i continue my job and finish a model already then extra time nothing to do waiting them to set new parts program. i call lao po after work today, no one picked up again, i will still call her everyday after work. after work i went back home, online until now, so damn boring, tired and sad. my friend ask me to go clubbing tonight but, i dont even have the ability for outing, still want to follow them go? if i got money, i will go for an outing with lao po if course, i already miss her until want to sick. the work make me feel sorrow.. i will stick this job tight no matter what. good night to all. whats my outing with lao po tomorrow, i think dont have :(
"sobbing" i cant go out tomorrow i guess, dont have ability i guess.. try my best if can, wanted to see you so much, want to have some private time together on some talks and more, think of going her house is a bit too late now i guess, maybe i can plan it for next week. i will try my best, work hard to gain experience and life!! first month of working of course it will be a bit hard and tight, jia you ELRIC!! ROAR dumb guy

Friday, 3 July 2009

03-07-2009 myself and my dream


this morning i dream of my lao po, told you that i miss her so much and wanted to see her right, after wake up, i feel so down and sad because the dream have end :( but never mind, i know slowly later i will have ability on see her EVERY WEEK. so what dream i have this morning? sorry, don't really remember but i will tell it by parts
  • someone took my phone away to snap photo then when my lao po call me, she say she want to see me right now and quick, at the time i am on genting with parent so it is impossible for me to appear in front of her so i promise her that we will meet after i am back.
  • i am walking in a very fresh place in genting mean someplace that not exist, thinking back the first time we meet and slowly went back too the place we have go.
  • i really cant think a lot, although the dream said that i am on genting but it is very complicated because i know i got see my lao po in dream.
my body, there are something wrong, not going to reveal or tell everyone, maybe i am weak or thin, thats why this thing happen to me.. i feel like there are a pressure from lung to my heart when i stretch my body, i mean i cant stretch my body because i will feel a pressure from my ribs to heart. my whole body just like damage, including my brain. "will i die if i stretch my lung even if i feel cant breath and so suffer + pain" i dont know, i just cant stretch my body already.
  • my heart feel a bit pressure from my lung and ribs when i stretch or move my body
  • both of my arm, used over strength, muscle is hurt and injured, from the pain i feel, i will be fine on next month
  • my leg, feeling more and more pain and tired because of standing, maybe i should train more so that i leg can be strong, i need the leg energy for some use on something
  • breakfast, chocolate oat drink, drink water, eat and drink nothing until 12.30PM then drink water lunch, rice or anything then eat and drink nothing to 7PM then only dinner, the time when i am in home, i need to drink a lot water and eat a lot
  • i sleep 12am+ from july1 already, when can sleep early after a call with lao po ne, my sleep will without worry and sweet.
today my father not free to fetch me so i must go out super early for taxi, scare that i can go to work on time, need to spend money on third day already, don't know will my father really start lazy and don't want to fetch me then he will ask me to spent almost RM10+ a day for taxi and food. i want to work and, learn a lots thing and raise my salary quick!! this my the way of my living now, live hard to get something!! no matter how exhausted i get, i don't mind, i can risk my life on it!! of course i will only take a risk, i will not sacrifice, maybe i will, no i cant, there are someone important for me to be take care. love her so much >_< Finally, i can control the machine at last, just not enough skillfull and a bit dumb because of not enough sleep and tired, i miss my lao po so damn much till i can dream of her last night. The learning and controlling is okay, need to absorb slowly and quickly master it, this is what i want, must master the machine. My whole body is aching including some inner organs. Lunch, a dumplings and few piece of cake, i will be hungry very quick, save as much as i can but try not to effect my health. Don't know why everyday i need to disturb people i only feel happy, just some simple disturb that can make people angry and got smoke come out from head. I don't mean to disturb, just wanted to make myself release some feeling of numb on brain. Everyday on lunch time, i will have extra more than half hour times, i am thinking of converting some video to phone and watch. I am downloading masked rider kabuto recently, got time to download, no time so watch so i will try to save it too phone and watch. Masked rider kabuto is a very nice series with handsome japanese guy that look cool. How i hope i got a friend like him, i don't mean my other friends don't look good, LOL. "ROAR" my friend didn't call me out for a long time already, i want to go to cheras with then but i got work now. I am thinking, and wanted to plan, is there anyway for me to be with lao po whole day till night, either staying go home, out for a vacation or to a resort in someplace.. This coming saturday and sunday, lets have a plan then, midvalley will be the easiest for me. after my lunch, everything goes fine, learn slowly absorb slowly but must master everything quick, i feel so damn stress, a lots of pressure, i scare i will make mistake, i scare i cant master the machine. today after work, i mean why this three day after work i call my lao po also cant get through.. i will call everyday. tonight i MUST sleep early. show you the machine that i control in my working place
 
"this weekend de outing plan le ma? i want to see you so much o " i don't know where to go or should go yet, out for a movies, or how leh. i don't have car so it is a bit hard and cant go much place, my father say he will get me a car quick, hopefully by this year, i already cant stand of CANT see lao po, work hard a bit then i will get car quick, my father only do some simple support. jia you!! the dream i got last night really making me T^T when i wake up, i can feel that my soul is away from my body.. don't know where it wonder already.. "ARGH" i should plan all those outing right, darn.. 

Thursday, 2 July 2009

02-07-2009 second day~

Same like always, i am going to wake up everyday on 7am for the rest of my working day including sunday. Didn't eat anything for breakfast, drink some chocolate oat drinks. Now i noticed that i really don't have anythings to wear even for work or outing. I never went out on purpose for buying something for myself to wear. I don't go to shopping or buy anythings. When i am going to change my shirt for work, i really feel so angry to myself, darn, i can't find anything to wear, only a grandfather shirt with collar available. How am i going to continue this. My bag too, i am wondering, when am i going to change.. I reach my working place early again. My father fetch me here early. Tomorrow i am going to come myself with taxi. Today learning is okay, more quicker but still need time. Hope that i don't do any mistake on it then everythings will be fine. Every half hours on lunch there will be a short a short guy conferences that talk about anythings other than work. It is a bit boring on time after lunch because i don't have interest on their topic. How should a guy be, wild or gentle. Night life, alcohol, girl and low percentage type of drugs. This is a life that what youngster should have? I can't think of any others life things for relax other than some simple outing. I am just a bit curious on those life, not interested on joining. What should i think and do now is, learn and mastery those machine quick, save more money to myself and for myself. I want to become machine leader, something like nothing do to anymore, just teach and guide. after my lunch time, after gaining some weight from lunch, i feel so tired of standing, my leg just like want to break or something.. i feel so pity and poor because they are not teaching me in proper way.. things that i learn, all by common sense and memory.. today at last i can start to move a machine slowly by guide, still got a lots too learn, there are something that i am so scare of "can i mastery a machine and become a leader quick so that i can (sit don't, don't need to do anything? it will be a long time if i cant mastery every skill of it quick. my purpose of working is i want to mastery every single machine and know everything at there. i don't mind of doing nothing after i mastery everything but i am really scare of i cant learn anything because it is really damn hard to memorize, not easy at all but from what i know, they can guarantee me, i can mastery a machine by this saturday.. hope la.. "ROAR" i am going to call my lao po everyday after my work time and time before sleep, i don't care anything now, just want to hear her voice more, scare that i will forget her voice because of hearing those machine sound. her sound will always be in my heart though that i can get to call her. how i hope that i can have OT with those staff, i don't mind of working until 9AM if OT, what i want is experience and salary. i will try to eat more if possible, i am telling every single one of human that living on earth, i am going to try a hard way of gaining my weight. don't want to look thin and weak, want to grow big a bit then only will suit my lao po de ma, right, i don't care any genetic things, i am going to try a hard say, eat none stop.

after working, i will eat less and drink less water, i hope that it will not effect my health a lot. i cant call lao po tonight, although it is a bit :( but never mind lo, got chat a bit with her, i already didn't chat or talk with her for a long time, i think few day only but i already feel that it is very long time already. i asked her for a outing this weekend, i miss her so much and hope that i can see her, how i hope that i can chat online with her using webcam.. it will be very nice, i will buy two if i see some cheap cams. i already try chat using webcam, it is damn stupid and funny, feel so weird.. i hope i can chat with her using webcam, it will be soon and quick. "if saturday or sunday free then we go out le wor, any problem ma lao po, i want to see you so much, what about you, got miss me" LOL~ good night and sweet dream, muacks