am i useless? or i am myself?

before this, i am so qi dai for having hard disk.. i even plan to go out and buy it myself.. all is before i have money.. i feel like doom after i get my salary.. oh gosh.. same like coward.. before having money, talk big, after get money i will go out alone to buy, after getting money, the real me is out.. i am scare of going out alone buying thing alone too.. this will be a short post i guess..

today, no reason for me to leave early at work.. in first two day, i went home without OT because i am so sleepy and tired.. but today, yes i am still sleepy and tired but i still can stay.. feel so useless for afraid to buy hard disk.. feel so jealous for other people, why people can go out alone.. but me cant? why i so scare of going out alone? i dont dare to buy.. i even feel like cutting my hair short this time.. but i dont dare to go out.. dont dare to go saloon or hardware shop.. whatever.. i am useless