Don't know why i feel so despair now. There really nothing i can do. Mentally suffer and depress. My hard disk. I really want to get it so much. But i don't dare to went out and buy myself. I don't have friend. There are no people that can go out with me. I wish to cut my hair. Change my hair style. But i don't dare to go saloon cut hair. I feel like lack of confidence and scare of going to a place that full with handsome and pretty. Dressing is more way better that me too. I don't care how people look at me. I care how i look at myself. I am totally such like a jerk. Weak guy. Yup, human can't compare but i can't forever be this useless and noob right? Whatever. Tomorrow work still fine. If not necessary, i wont do OT for tomorrow. I really don't understand why they keep asking me for OT. I hate working extra time. Back on time that is fixed is the best. I wonder if i can meet someone near me. That can always accompany me? Surely it is a dream. If i really found someone like this, i will loyal like dog to her. I wonder, is one of my reader going to be the one? Lol no reader. Actually i am expecting someone to read this but i can confirm. No one really willing to read. Love will keep change. Follow by human mind thinking and next generation. My life have been corrupted by love. Main problem i guess. I really hope that i can back on time. Change everything. Or tell my pass, don't do this or that. Maybe now i don't need to be so despair. But i always believe in one thing. You can only hope for changing the pass but now is always the most perfect. Don't know why i have to pay internet to my house to play. But i don't play the most. I play ALL. This is unfair. I really hope i can just cut it off and pay broadband myself. I don't care it is expensive. Worth if i play and pay myself. Sharing don't earn. I pay for my family to online, in return, i end up having connection problem. And they just enjoy lagging with me. Fuck up. Useless family. Whatever fucking shit. I hate i can't do thing i want or planned. Everything just never went right. Why? You know? I really want to suicide so much.