my stupidity to dear, i am childish

i am so damn sucking stupid, i sad for my own mistake without reason. i am going to blame other for my own mistake too. that's why horoscope say that i am not worth being believe. i am not a good person to be with, my personality is so damn negative.. i hate myself so much. being so playful. i don't want to be like this!! being dislike and hate by others!! this is not what i want!!
i want to be people that bring laughter,  i hate unhappiness and reality!! i like to smile and play, hate being serious and sad!!
i am making others feeling bad!! what am i? fuck!!

rei, wo zhen de hen ben, wo fa shi, wo yi hou dou bu hui zhe yang, zi hui ling ni kai xin

哭了 you make me worry

Sagittarius, people that wont admit own got wrong. all the wrong it have, sure it is other people fault. it is true, i use blaming always. i don't know what to do now. who to blame. who to ask. she is weird, since the time i went out with my friend. she don't tell me everything. i have a bad feeling about this. dear, don't make me worry. i hope that you can speak more with me, tell me everything. i am struggling my feel now, i want you, i need you. treat me like your dear. make me to be part in your life. replace me as the most important person in life. i promise that i will give you the best i can.

i don't want to say so much le =)

I CRY 哭了

my lovely REI

guess what happen..

i lovely rei

i have a new relationship already.. do you want to know who is her? CLICK HERE if you want to know who is her. she is from klang. age 15. name, Ruii =) born in year 1995.. >< actually, me and her, dont really know each other very long.. we never meet too..
wa.. so many thing want to write.. i just want to express, i dont really wanted to write a lot. i will write slowly then..
let's see.. i know Ruii from my ex, i feel that she is very interesting on first. she give me a feel that, she is not a good girl. mean, she like to lie boy, then very pervert too. lol, all this, i hear it from my ex. i dont really know her much. i dont get well with her too because i hate speechless people.
after breaking up, my life, my day, my living.. everything.. it is so empty and dark.. she is the one that bring me alive. accompany me always =) thanks dear ><

ni shuo, ni hen xi huan wo. wo ye hen xi huan ni. wo shi ren zhen de xi huan ni. jing wan, wo da shuan gen ni qing kou gao bai.. wo bu gan xie, wo ai ni, zi xie xi huan ni. hen pa, ni bu hui dui wo shuo.. dan shi ye bu yong jing de. ni ba wo xin de jie, da kai le, wo hen xi huan ni, wo shi shuo zhen de. wo hen xiang gen ni shuo hen duo dong xi, hen bu gan gen ni jiang..

be the one that i love, the one i love you.. 

self secret admire

can i make you believe me? honestly, i believe everything that you say. i obey what command you drop on me, i listen whatever you say. (you tell me that, your love position is not top). i want to know why.. to me, if you dont put your love in top position, it is impossible to have future. i dont want to explain so much, dislike it.. if you think it is not important, fine, i give up, hate so many explain.

yesterday, i meet a girl in sdo. her name is yuting if i am not mistaken. meet? nah.. dont really meet.. just knew someone there~ i forget that i got display my phone number in game. she call me = = walao.. i just like blur liao.. wtf, why suddenly got a cute girl sound call me? so it is fine then. btw.. i talk quite lots with her in this two day. i feel like, wow, i got a new talking partner already. and i want to F horoscope!! it is not accurate at all, it prove that i can be myself in front of them. honestly, i quite like her but i need a lot explain from her

next, i like another person that always accompany me too

i feel down because of you

am i expecting you to read my blog? is this the reason i write this? okay i try not to write for you. i hate expecting things that wont come true. you wont know my feeling. it is so late now, my current time is 2.05am and i should be sleeping now because tomorrow i got work. i dont feel like sleeping now because of you. last night, you treat me very cold, you make me sleep late but i wanted to sleep early..
it is a problem here, at first, you told me that your sis intro you a guy. you say it is fine, but i feel very.. jealous. yesterday, you cure my jealousy but today morning, you make me down again. i feel down for whole day. YOU TELL ME THAT THE GUY IS NOTHING BUT THEN, HE MAKE SO MANY TROUBLE TO YOU KNOW? i just dont want to care you anymore.. if you like that guy, then you go for it, it is fine. i wont die if i dont have you.
i am officially single and available now. searching for new love and relationship.. every girl that around me.. it is a chance. feel is by accept. some people will say "no feel how?" actually it see yourself "want to accept it or not" just dont care what i write or what i am trying to explain.
+ i dont know why i want to fan your problem so much if you dont put me in your heart
why dont i take you out from my heart, and i put it to other person? i hate you

heart stretching

today.. erm.. last night i said that i am going to sleep early already, but i sleep late.. tonight, i said it again, i must sleep early..today, her message come quite slow and simple.. (i get down easily by normal thing) i think i will have a short post for this. sibling, or family relationship, or some kind of relationship under relative or cousin.. getting well with them, and like them, it is normal right? i dont know.. i just get jealous without reason.. i hate myself..

maybe i am childish, or mind and thinking still not stable.. i get wu hui and offend very easily.. my mood can get down with small thing too. i dont like dont like dont like..so easy feel sad if got little bit problem.. jealous king.. i admit i am very easy get jealous..

sensitive and useless kid..

impatient guy..

just back home from eating ABC with friend at petaling jaya, walao.. rain leh..
actually i dont have much thing to write now but i want to write..
love only cure is love because you lose your love so you need to find it back. some wont need it anymore after losing but some no.. whatever.. losing patient again..

recently, and honestly.. there are not reason for me to hide anything here because this is my blog, and this is my world so i will write all my thing in blue word. i am wondering now, does she know that i am trying to get near her? i wanted to understand her more, i wanted to know her more.. or just say that i want to know her everything. fine then, the first night i didnt get her good night greeting or sms reply, it is just like.. damn it.. end already? it mean, our conversation finish? no more? scare.. i felt very upset and i sleep late.. okay then, after realizing that she give me a message at morning.. i am very relief until i sleep until very late.. middle case now.. i hope that i can have someone to guard.. mean, ask me to do something that it is good and i wont do even if i know

• bring water to work
• finish my lunch
• bring empty bottle back to home after work
• use heart to work, dont lazy
• quick a bit while doing thing
• work hard
• go to bath after work, dont bath late
• take care my face well
• save more money
• drink more water
• sleep early
• dont online so much

want someone to memorize me all this, or want her to tell me this. i can give hundred percent confirmation i will do. dont know why, i feel like, i only will listen what she ask me to do.. huh? weird.. i am a very stubborn guy, i dont listen to anyone and i dont do what people say.. i only will listen what she say. weird right.. she can control me. in horoscope, i can count as a hunter and she is a beast. horoscope explanation is very accurate and true.
=====hold on a second, searching for horoscope detail=====

Love Match - (her) and (me)

Fixed Fire and Mutable Fire

These two both have flaming passions, and a sense that life is an adventure to be celebrated. Dating involves play and possibly travel, with (me) drawing (her) outdoors and soon both are glowing with fresh fire in the cheeks. Falling in love makes them feel even more alive. The athletic Sadge stirs the lion out of laziness, and into the game of pleasure.

Trouble begins if (her) suspect that the Archer is an equal opportunity lover. (her) jealousy is a bad fit with the (me) pursuit of varied experience in romance. Their fires burn differently -- (her) is ignited by concentrated attention, and Sadge's sparks cover a lot of ground, in an ever-widening fire zone.
In a relationship, both are social, but Sadge travels further afield. Sadge needs to keep moving, and feel free to follow life's lead. If (her) feels lonely and unappreciated by the busy (me), trouble ensues. Sadge's need for freedom conflicts with the (her) desire to be swept up in an epic romance. Sadge can be a loving partner, but can't be totally devoted in the way (her) wants. A player Sadge with the prideful (her) is a recipe for disaster. It works when a commitment is in place that both value, and the bond is kept fresh through shared experiences. When (her) trusts that Sadge will return, the bond deepens through the many comings and goings. Kids, holidays, animals, friends, parties -- the (her)-Sadge household is vibrantly colorful. As long as they keep laughing, and work through their differences, this pair has a good run.

=====i am back from the thing i search=====
i am such a fool.. her is her horoscope, me is my horoscope. just simply search and match. i am so dumb and stupid, very easy get infected by people.. i get offend easily on how a people treat me..   red.. serious word and a very .. i dont know whether.. is there really no one reading here? it is good if yes.. i wanted to get another relationship, and my next target, it will be her.. i dont know whether that.. i got wrong choosing her? i start realize that actually distance is not a problem.. the most important is trusting each other and share our feel. share everything even people secret. i dont know about it.. in future who know who am i be with.. maybe i dont have future or i am single.. just try my best to own her. i feel.. there are something very weird.. i start to like her, i like the way she text me or care me. maybe it is friend. i hope to get well and close with her. i want to be another parts of person in her life. cincai la.. write what also no use in here. secret secret..

long time no contact with P already.. i wonder how is her right now.. quite worry and miss her, as friend ;)

leave it and find another one

recently, i found a sms partner, actually i want to write, i find a new sms partner but i dont feel that she is new to me. i know her from a long time, maybe she treat me cold a bit in past but this few day, we sms a lot. i never know that i will have another sms friend other than that "bird" @@
sometime, i am scare, will rei rei treat my sms like very cincai? even my ex doesnt really treat my sms seriously. she is still fine, chatting with her make me feel like i am not myself only. i never tell her that.
previously i meet a net friend that make me feel actually i am not alone too but she go to penang already..
okay then, lets say about her. who is her? i dont know.. lol.. guess yourself
by the way, i am reading her blog now, still not yet finish reading. i see that she have same incidence like me and she know what i feel. there are something same about us too but it is last time. not now.
everyone have own life, and i have mine. mind your own business, i mean my business. there are not reason interrupting other people life. er.. i dont know..
she didnt reply my sms yet, sleeping in the car, on her way back home or busy talking or chatting with others. yesterday, dont know why i suddenly feel like . . . mean speechless.. she tell me that she is chatting with 14years old uncle.. LOL i thought she play those adopting relationship with kids again. actually it was her cousin/relative huh? i feel speechless because i dont want to interrupt them if she really have guy.
i confirm that she is really available only i go after it. just like what i have say, i dont know how to woo a girl, how can i chase people? by time.. knowing each other more.
so what is the reason i am writing here? ya.. see blog title..
in my life now, girl that i can go after dont have much.. got one in facebook, but, she dont really care a damn on me, so i think i will give up her. another one.. "own blog also need to secret:" cant say.
merdeka!!!
aiyo.. what day is this.. sien.. so many people must be having fun now.. i hope i can celebrate with people too.. gathering with friends or lovers are very nice.. i love to be happy, i like to smile and laugh..
another important things. love, is distance really a problem? not very far actually. transportation problem. lala i dont know. important is happy, thats all. i am insane now, think so far already.. whatever..

living in darkness
a knight without princess..
i wonder.. what can a knight do?
is there reason for him to survive? without princess?
or.. is there any princess that is available for me?

dui ni zuo bu dao de shi

bu zhi dao zuo me wo hui jue de hen xin tong, kan dao ni zhe yang wo ye bang bu dao.
qi shi bu shi wo bang bu dao ba, wo jue de bu shu yao wo qu zuo de.
zi i bu shu fu, jiu yao hui zhao gu, bu ran jiu ting hua, ren shuo de ni jiu yao ting.
wo hen pa ru guo ke shou yan zhong le, ying wei zhen de hen xing ku.
wo you xiang dao, mai ke sou yao shui gei ni, dan shi ni mama hui mai de.
hen xiang yao ni hen jian kang de, bu xiang kan dao ni bu shu fu, wo gan jue hen nan guo.
wo bu zhi dao wei shen me wo hui xie zhe ge dong xi ar, dan xin er yi, bie wu hui.
dan shi ye bu hui you ren qu kan de. hao xiang di yi ci xie na li duo de pin yin.
jin tian 16-08-2010 xing qi yi. yi ding bu ke yi you shi >< he duo dian shui, qiu qiu..
ru guo wo zhen de wei ni liu di yi ge yan lei jiu bu hao lo.
shuo zhen de, kan dao ni you yi zhong na me bu zhen shi de guan xi, wo jue de hen ke lian. qi shi zhe ge shi bu zhen de, dan shi jiu liao hui fa sheng gan ching, zui hou de jie guo yi ding hen xing ku. bu zhi dao la, tao yan ni.
mei shen me xiang xie le, qi shi wo xiang.. bu xie le
dui ni zuo bu dao de shi, kan bu hao ni, kan zhe ni zhe wang, walao wo hui beh tahan. xin tong si liao

hope to have a new love, anyone giving me a chance?

it is just like a nonsense, asking people to give a chance for this kind of thing. actually, if you know more about me already, slowly you will understand that i have reason behind this. actually, i am feeling so lonely.. it is already very obvious.. i dont have friend, dont have someone to talk with, dont have people to accompany.. me and my family cant get together, so we dont talk. in my life, i dont talk a lot too. i need love a lot. seriously. i am expecting someone to give me a chance if we can be together.

i am type that treat relationship very seriously, not playing or what. i hope to have a long lasting too [forever] to me, if you know a relationship wont be forever, why still you start? if got problem in relationship. then solve it, sure no problem ma, why want to say a lot..

[in the middle of dont know what to write liao]

feeling dizzy now.. selfish love, hate this a lot. whatever, dont say this ba.. sad only
today actually want to write long de, but i keep jor, finish ba, no mood

i am a bad boy

very damn shitting bad me.. i am a very bad person, i am and it is real, dont ask me why, i am so damn reality too, maybe my feeling now is normal but i still think it is bad and not suppose to be so bad.

another thing, yes, i am bad but i am not 100% bad, if i want to be bad, i must be in complete 100% bad. darn it, i hate myself for not being so flirtatious, in real feeling type of it ba. say in real, but with other way to someone. can i do it? no.. i hate.. dislike.. argh!!

bad cannot complete bad, half half, go eat shit, training make perfect, if i want, train make me do, lets see how i change, confidences up up!!

apologize, i am not a good person

i discuss one thing with my friend today about love and myself, now i know actually i am doing a very sohai thing. i am so damn useless and bad, i dont have to mind and care if i like. i like then i wont care anything, otherwise i dont like then it will be okay. things i dislike effect me a lot on how i think on someone, sien..

from now on, start to be random thinking, make everything come randomly, dont repeat my stupidity already.. i am an asshole leh >< lan diu dao yao si. okay la, just note something down only, will i make post after later? maybe.. see i got what i want to say or not. this post de reason is apologize, dont need forgive, i am stupid, i am wrong, i am bad, i am useless, i will change, i wont repeat, i will be good

it is annoying? i felt very so..

today what i want to say de is.. topic is about.. annoying feel given to me by human.. it is myself that feeling annoying? lets see, start with SDO game chatting.. no, wait a minute.. tell you what annoys me or tell how make me annoy?

er.. chatting that write = = or oo or zz this is what related, make me feel annoy.. does this make you all annoy? example of chat

• Tearious : hi how are you?
• example : i am fine
• Tearious : how is your day?
• example : okay lo

 (this is dont feel like chatting with you, only cincai care you) better dont chat, make me sad nia

• example : hi
• Tearious : yo! =D how are you?
• example : fine

(is this people want to chat?) hate this thing happen everytime

• Tearious : oi, today how?
• example : = =?

(this is a friend, not those not unknown)

• example : hi how are you today
• Tearious : haih.. today work so sien..
• example : oo..

(?? walao.. oo.. work sien.. oo) annoying.. hate

this is human? now only i know.. not everyone i know are like this, but most are like this.. sometime i really mad and dont care them + ignore them, some only come to say hi then when chat thing, they goes oo.. dont even care a damn.

actually sometime i really need and wants someone that can chat with me always, sms with me always, always let me share my stuff and talk my thing, share its stuff to me too, something like sharing our story and heart, feelings and more.. is this soulmate? things i write here no one will read or see de ba? i really hope and want someone that really care my everything, cheer me up always.. 


one more thing about stupidity and no brain useless reality eat shit me <<
girl that i like

1. kind enough
2. tomboy and playful, kind also
3. older than me, not mature but very small in heart, feel younger than me
4. young, cute, dont need to be pretty
5. age under 17- schooling, younger than me
6. now? pretty << know how to think

walao weh.. guy eye must sharp and know how to choose leng girl, leng and nice. type of girl i like before is listed up there. cincai say nia, still got more inner things. bad la me, start choosing girl liao, own also not very leng zai, sien

hate angry dislike mad myself and everyone.. no good people liao de in this world, all make me upset, this blog is tell all people you all is making me not happy..

What a Girl wants to hear 女孩最想听到的

What a Girl wants to hear

Girl: Thanks for the fun day

Boy: No problem

Girl: Can i ask you few questions?

Boy: Sure o.o

Girl: And....

Girl: Be honest

Girl: Have i ever crossed your mind?

Boy: No

Girl: Do you like me?

Boy: No

Girl:  Do you want me?

Boy: No

Girl: Would you cry if i left

Boy: no

Girl: would you live for me?

Boy: no

Girl: Would you do anything for me

Boy: no

Girl: Choose me or your life

Boy: my life

The girl run away with shock depression

The boy ran after her and told her...

The reason you never crossed my mind because

You Always in my mind

The reason why i don't like you is because

I love you

The reason i don't want is because

I need you

The reason why i wouldn't cry if left

Because i'll die if you left

The reason i wouldn't live for you because

I would die for you

The reason i'm not willing do anything for you is because

I would do everything for you

The reason i chose my life is because

You are my life

The End

女孩最想听到的

女：感谢你陪我度过快乐的一天

男孩：不客气

女孩：我可以问你几个问题吗？

男孩：当然o.o

女：还有....

女：要诚实

女孩：我是否让你想起我？

男孩：没有

女孩：你喜欢我吗？

男孩：没有

女：你想我吗？

男孩：没有

女孩：如果我离开你会哭吗？

男孩：不会

女孩：你会为我而生吗？

男孩：不会

女孩：你会为我做任何事吗？

男孩：不会

女孩：你会选择我还是你的人生

男孩：我的人生

女孩情绪低落的走掉

男孩追着她，告诉她...

你从没在我的脑海里，因为

你永远在我心中

不喜欢你的原因是因为我

我爱你

我之所以不要因为

我需要你

如果你离开了我，我不会哭

因为我会死，

我不会为你而活，但是

我会为你而死

我之所以不愿意为你做任何事情，因为

我会为你做所有事情

我之所以选择我的人生

因为你就是我的人生

完

FIND ar FIND ar FIND ar.. tak de..

i dont care eh eh eh eh eh @@
this song, nice leh.. everytime read my blog remember listen and read ><
today is a very very busy day, actually it is a very moody day too but whatever la.. i dont know whats into me recently.. today i have some talk with my friend about girls, he curious and ask, is girl very important? but why? got girl really nice? to me, i need a girl to accompany always, i want to talk everything with her, i am so lonely and empty. wahaha, my friend ask me, why use "kosong" to describe lonely, it feel very emptiness.. sometime like nothing, to me, it is really nothing. until now, i dont see any girl that will tell me anything about her, and i can tell anything to her. no and dont have. sharing is caring, jealous is caring, argue is caring. without this, it is not love.

i wonder, this world still got human that can let me be with or not, love her very much, wont ignore me, making me annoying and very love me. i need a girl to care and a girl to care me, mind about me and let me mind about her. lalala hate dislike.. hate those people that dont know what i feel and wants, hate those that make me mad when my mood is not good. hate.

love my current blogging feel, a very silent blog to my future girl >< will read de ma? maybe no =p argh.. sien de la think this, so fast dream ><

anything else miss liao forget want to write, hm..
yaya i remember now.. human selfish think own only, sometime do wrong thing only know ask for forgiveness, do wrong, do right back, sometime cannot return liao, then do again la, do a better one, dont fail anymore. sien sei, hate kena ignore, better dont choi me

stronger!! get more stronger!!

a very nice song that i have share >< haih~ no one will appreciate and listen ba.. today after lunch, i get a type of strength from.. MYSELF of course LOL sorry god, it is myself, i feel that i always show a very weak me to anyone. i wont get someone to admire me if i always get so weak.

i want to find a good girl, i want to find a girl to love, a true love that wont make me feel alone and lonely, can always make me feel that she is on my side >< i know i will find one but not now.. forever love not easy to find la, if easy find also wont  very good ba?

true love ar >< so sampat.. too lonely le ba, today only write this, i will become more stronger!!

i am so lonely very 寂寞

everyone have its own life, everybody have own living and entertainment, i am so sleepy now.. actually i dont feel like writing blog already but whatever. i dont know what people think recently, they it is so damn selfish until they dont realize, obvious selfish and dont know actually it is upsetting me..

i say, no one will know what i feel "how you know i dont know your feel" dont act that you know me a lot. my heart is so empty, life is so lonely. i wont have anyone that can always on phone with me, online with me, on outing with me, on heart with me, wont have anymore..

sometime i dont get what my friend mean, sometime my friend dont get what i mean. my friend always say "you dont have girl can die?" not this meaning la..

sien.. write more next time

injuries

i can die because of suffering, i really cant take my breath when i am having this type of treatment, it is stressing me. i am so damn unhappy and sad for that. love at this age will not last, fuck you!! hate this word. i wont agree this type of thing, so fucking shit. nothing is perfect, even god is not perfect if it exist of course. create SINS? wa lan neh.. tonight i want to accompany Carmen for her project stuff, hope she done it quick and early. pity for me, no apology or thanks. of course i dont expect it but do you think it is a bit stupid? nah.. it is very stupid..

sometime there are no choice but to eliminate.. i hate it so i destroy it, i angry it so i kill it.

i love you, so love you

live is so unhappy

since that i dont know how to be a good boyfriend, i think i have no choice already.. i am not going to waste my time on her already. and i am not going to be in relationship anymore until i become perfect.

22june2010
i have decide, i dont want to let myself suffer in hurt anymore. since that i can make my own girlfriend listen to me, i will let go of her and set her free. i believe in future she will have a greater boyfriend or guy that can treat her well, it wont be me anymore, i choose  to surrender..

living like this is very suffering, i dont know whats going onto her at all, and she is not feeling like telling me. relationship is just like.. we are having a net between us. there are still something that we cant share although we together for almost half year or one year.

i hope she will read this someday, to understand what i feel. i cant imagine if i am her, what does she feel. my feeling is so bad now.. she wont know what i feel, never know...

when i feel sad, she will only angry me if i show her i am sad now
if i am angry, she wont ask why and she dont want to know the reason, she only will angry me
everytime when i mood is down, she will only angry me back
she got ask why but just ask, then, nothing..


bu gou guan xin wo

reason is i dont want to feel unhappy anymore
i will treat her as cold as i can, let her let me go
she wont feel any different of me, she will leave me with hatred
she will think i am not good, so she will find a better one in future
treat her cold without love, thats all, it will end

my prediction
for normal people, they will think, whats wrong with you, you are not like always, but to her, she will angry me and leave me

i dont want to feel unhappy anymore    





因为我不知道怎样做一个好的男朋友，我想我已经没有其 他选择..我不想浪费我的时间在她的了。我不打算再在关系，直到我变成完美。

22june2010
我已经决定，我不想让自己蒙受伤害了。因为，我可以作出自己的女朋友听我的，我会放过她，使 她的自由。我相信她在未来将有更大的男友或拉索，可以治疗她的 好，它不会是我了，我选择放弃..

这样的生活是很痛苦，我不知道什么会到她的所有，而她 并没有告诉我的感觉一样。关系就像..我们有我们之间网。还有什么我们办不到的，虽然我们一起分享了将近半年或 一年。

我希望有一天她会读这个，要明白我的感受。我言不由衷之词想一想，如果我是她，她是什么感觉。我现在的感觉是如此糟糕..她知道我习惯的感觉，从来不知道...

当我感到悲伤，她只会生气我，如果我告诉她，我现在很 伤心
如果我生气，她习惯于问为什么，她不要想知道的原因， 她只是我会生气
每次当我心情下，她只回我生气
她问为什么，但只得到了问，那么，什么..

布沟关新禾

原因是我不想再感到不满
我将把她作为冷，因为我可以让她让我走
她惯于我感到有任何的不同，她会留下仇恨我
她会认为我不好，所以她会找到一个更好的未来
她没有爱的冷处理，这就是一切，这将结束

我的预测
正常的人，他们会认为，whats你错了，你总是不喜 欢，但对她，她会生气我，离开我

我不想再感到不满

i am so lonely

who should i find.. walao :'( no one else.. i am very lonely, damn lonely, my only dear that i can choose to be with already dont want to accompany me. doesn't wanted to talk my stuff. i am really going to be crazy if i keep on being this way. being treat by cold way, no one cares or apa apa else la. no one care a damn, the only person i choose don't want me..wasai

online time, no chat with me
sms time, dont want to sms my thing
talk time, dont let me talk
mood no good time, no caring word
sad time, dont care a damn

whatever, good night