Alex just went out. He is my working senior. He usually let me do some work and go to office. But today we are doing different thing. He might be back soon after this. Time now is 2pm. Just now.. sad.. when lunch time. Don't know why i can't make myself stay on table right after i done my lunch.. I want to talk with my collegue.. Working de people. I have many thing to share and talk. But i can't get myself doing it. One more thing is.. I feel shy while facing Nicoles. Whats wrong! LoL funny. Maybe she is girl and i am boy. But i feel better with sister Liew. Our conversation goes well. Maybe she is elder. Actually i feel like working half day but i can't get through my work. I like to finish off everything before i leave. Don't like leaving it halfway. Feel not responding. Working half day is, i not enough sleep and i feel like going to see doctor. Taking MC. But never mind. Just continue work. Today back on usual time, 5.30pm. Really need more rest and today must bath early. Sleep early. My pillow.. need to change.. I still didn't get. What is my main causing for waking up middle of the night.. Forget to check health board. Whatever, next thing. Can anyone teach me how to get rid of my girlfriend? She start getting so annoying. Nicoles is right, i shouldn't just play disappear. It is not right. Bored. Advice to myself, i should, i will let her understand someday. I will leave her. I don't wish myself to scare of dating or having relationship with people. In love, for me, it is the most happiest thing ever. But not with my girlfriend. I really don't wish to be with her. But never mind. I have my life to go. I have my thing to busy and do. Maybe tonight i will start playing maplestory again. Reason i am playing? Sixth sense tell me i wont be able to own hard disk. Auto respond asked me to play game. But, i wont give up, i will get hard disk! I really love life that is watching animation. After having hard disk, maybe i will be house worm. Most important is happy, right? Just pray for it. Not much thing i can download with Qvod. Maybe hong kong drama, or animation that have cantonese or any chinese language. I can't read the chinese subtitle. And most important. Don't forget pokemon! I must download it completely. I fail to download previously because i don't have enough space. After owning hard disk, i must, i will, download pokemon completely! I night upgrade my online package thing so that i can improve my speed for streaming or downloading. Most important thing i can't let go.. It is my boomz. I feel like want to build it.. Make it strong. Or be the strongest. Very hard. But, just say it only.
Back home. Maybe boomz or maple. For maple, i need to farm massive lots of maple leaf. Huhu. Any reader? Lol sad

I feel like i get enough sleep. I didn't sleep late last night. Right? Okay maybe around 11pm time. For me, it is a bit earlier than 12am or after twelve. Yup, i am still getting up middle of the night, what to do? If my sleeping problem really get worse, i really need a medical check up. And for now, i am working. Time is 4pm. Around that time. Just down the front piece of 3 way housing mould. Product stuck. I suspect it as the injecting temperature too high. Maybe. Whatever. This problem really so boring and wasting time. I not gonna work for OT today if don't have anything running. Just have some extra time to write this, hope enough for my blog posting. And i will be continue my writing on car after working time if i stop. I really will die of sleepy. Trimming the filter housing. A lots of work but really sleepy.. Holding a knife and cut of the flashing part. Feel a bit free now because Alex go back to office. I think he is bored and tired about the product stucking at the injecting sprue. Really difficult to take off. Product is hard and stuck. By the way. I really feel so awkward each the my girlfriend say i miss you. I really feel like deleting her sms. I mind about her so much. Mind about her weight, look and whatever fucking shit. She don't look pretty or cute but she act that she IS. Problem is she is gigantic. If she is short and small size, i wont mind if she is overweight. At least she have her cute. Fuck if, she disgust me a lot when i think of many thing. Whatever. Compulsory things to tell myself so that i wont stress about her. I will try my best to let her understand about love can't be force. She is still young. Although i don't love her but she still can have a lots of choice. To be honest, how cruel of rude thing, i also can do. I can just cut of my number. Deactivate my all net account. Disappear from her forever, i guess. Then, of course my look need to have big change too so that in future when we meet, she wont recognise me. Good idea? I think too much now. Start making my imagination. What i am afraid is, she come to find me. My mind pop up a plan. Before i disappear, i will use her facebook account or try whatever way to write a note for her. Telling her about my disappearance or leaving. Count as inform. So that nothing back will happen. Eliminate my number or just make my number less active for sometime if i really can't let go my number. Fuck man. I am too much. Feel like start to make all plan for leaving her already. Bored. This really rude and cruel. Sorry so much yi zhen. I really can't be with you, i really dislike your almost everything. Your hair, your face, your lips, your nose, your neck, your shoulder, your chest, your stomach, your buttock, your leg and all. Personality, attitude, and habit. I dislike your everything. My animation is with her, i don't mind. As long as i can leave her, i can sacrifice everything. Sad case if she see this. Maybe someday yi zhen will see this. Maybe it will be long time le. Sorry for being together with her. Sorry for choosing her to be my girlfriend. Sorry for what have i done to you. Sorry about phone sex, for beginning, i am sorry, in the end, i lost interest with you. About MMS, sorry too. And hotel, i wont make it the fifth time. Please. No more. I don't know what to do with extra condom in house. Lol. Feel like throwing it. Keep for nothing, don't even have the use. Whatever. Keep wont waste. Maybe i got friend or people that need, i can give? 3piece only. Lol.. Whatever. I feel like playing back maple. And i feel wanted to get hard disk so much by this week. Quit all fucking game that spoil my brain, focus downloading. Yeah! I hope can ask for someone to accompany me go. Hope Nicoles willing to go with me. But asking ah wei go with me will be the best i guess. Miss Liew also can? Lol. Go alone ba xD noob. One more thing. Samyi confirm having cancer.. Really hope that she is fine and don't get worse. If everything go smooth, i think i will fly to sabah and visit her. I don't wish for her leaving. Every living things have its own right to survive till the end, no one can just end the life without reason. Lack of patient. Can't wait for my hard disk. I want to fill it with massive of animation song, or i mean japanese song. And a lots of movie and cartoon. Of course some game if can xD maximize my download time for computer in midnight time or daylight time. One day around 8hours or 10hours? Hm? This is all my writing when i am working. No going to continue after work. Any reader? Nope. Don't have. Sad. Haha.

The time when i am writing this, it is on first of april. The day when i go out with my girlfriend, and the time i am in bus, on my way back midvalley, then from there i will take taxi straight back. It is hard to meet up good taxi driver from midvalley to my house. I don't have confidences about going back by taxi in kota raya. Maybe it is better and cheaper? Hope i don't get dizzy till nearly vomit because i am writing on bus. Quite shaky but i am fine i guess. Today actually should be the day i went out to kl with girlfriend. Buying her stuff. Belated birthday present. Feeling quite depressing now because everything end up in hotel. I know i am horny or whatever fucking thing. I know i really pervert. Not really pervert but sex desire is a bit high. I manage to relief three time for around 3hours time. I should not have sex with her anymore in case accident do really happen. I don't want to be father this early and i don't want her to be pregnant in this young age. My energy, or what do i call. Erm, life power? Energytic? I am getting sleepy each day. Feel like getting it worse. My emotional control or what shit thing slowly get weak. Mind and thinking getting slow. Balances too. Just getting weaken by waking up middle of the night all time, it is everyday. I wont depress if i think of other thing. Having this girlfriend, she is really depressing me. Ya she really change a lot. I admit it. Finally i understand, love can't force. If you don't like, mean don't like. I will slowly solve my problem. I need more clear mind thinking. I need to have more enough sleep. I want to start doing my own business, earn my first bucket of money. I don't compare myself for other. I want to let all people know i am not a noob guy. I am the best. You might look down at me, but i want everyone proud of me. I still remember my dream. I wish to raise japanese animation popularity in malaysia with my hand. I mean heart. Someday, i will do it. I guess, i really stop being lazy now. Really regret why i am lazy when i got the energy to think and do. Now? Day by day, i am getting weak now. I really need medical check up. Need some expert and not those cincai. Yi zhen, after writing all this, my heart and mood feel better. I don't love you. I don't like you. But i will make you understand. Hope we can end in peace. Wait i regain back my energy. And hope i don't go early. Will be posting this in new blog. If there are reader. Thanks a lot. Sms me or call me. I will be free at 8pm daily. Need counselor or people to talk. Thanks again.

Actually not special day i guess..

i am getting more and more forgetful nowadays..
i really dont know what happen to me. yes, i might be forgetful, but i am genius, i am clever, i am very good in thinking things.. i just cant memorize thing well.. haha.. work so cham without good memory.. haha..
today samyi give me a very cute and leng picture again o! same like daily photo already..
super bad luck in maple today.. same to boomz.. why.. why i am so unlucky..

sunday go out gai gai lu.. feel so long time no out le, think back last time go out de mood, walao.. really bu xiang zai got le.. scare.. bu xiang yao kan lian hei hei.. zi xiang hao kai xin..

Meet le new friend o + gf intro comment

her name is guo xin yee, age 13 from sabah, meet in sdo. she is the a little girl lai de xP everyone dont mistake, i dont have any special relationship with her. but i believe there is many people think a lot and think me and her got something. we just contact daily and exchange photo by mms. this is her first photo.

and yes, this is her second mms photo. cute ba? hahahaha.. she is only 13 but she dont look like her age. she is a friend i contact daily so far but slowly, we will less contact le ba. i meet a lots of friend before that contact either at phone or facebook. much of it also less contact le.

first impression, wa.. what phone lai de, second impression, so cute, smiling~ third, good body shape wor xD forth is, eyebrow xP nothing much.. seriously, i got a bit afraid that she will fall to me @.@ it is impossible ba? but i still feel scare..

this picture melting me, she send it on today. for cheering me up. really feel sweet for this xD thanks ya samyi, good to have a cute friend like this too.

ops.. not leng de photo xD

ya, finally, this is my girlfriend.. i receive the 3 letter that she send already.. wao how come delay so many day? the first two letter is quite meaningless. only the third letter i feel a little bit touch because she listed.. first love is what, second love is what. she put me on first, haha.. but i feel like.. oh too much.. recently me and her really very unhappy. what really happen actually? everyone chasing for happiness in life, hope to stay happy and be happy. but she find me to argue every night, for what? girl natural ba.. i really sien with this kind of thing.. then, everyday talk love with me, walao weh, i need a rest please. my daily life become moody and unhappy. always in moody mood.. all is her fault. trouble finder and maker.. but whatever la.. to be honest and truth, i really dislike her in many way.. i cant accept and i cant xi guan.. it is one year plus already, our relationship never sweet, we remain like nothing only.

lonely life xD i like the alien pet, so damn funny..

Hello friend! LONG TIME NO SEE!

so long time didnt make any post.. didnt even create a post in 2012.. maybe i feel very lazy but i still got update my post in blog forum.. but now, i am back here again because i find out that blog forum is a bit blur blur. i use that forum to do something that blog cant do can liao lew..

now i feel like i got new thing to play or do le.. that is.. building my blog same like website. for gaming and downloading.. not bad ya hor? better than nothing do ba.. same like burning my time with doing stuff only..

[a lots of thing kept in my heart.. there are no chosen one to tell.. i wonder can i stand it]

short post.. got to get ready for work..

Last day being Jobless

Doing something for a people, do you think it is worth? Being loyal "like a dog" listen what people ask you do to, is it fine to you? For me, working is a part of living. I enjoy my life and i want my life to be the best, but of course.. nothing is perfect.

losing my job, is it an accident or i really have problem? actually so many thing happen.. i cant work there anymore because i feel not worthing and no earning.. wasting time.. but i have a lots of memory there. if i dont have that kind of boss, i will continue work there.

today is my last day enjoy my stress life for being jobless and it will be my new day for "mian qing-ing" life.. i tell myself to stay strong and fight more my new job. aeon credit service de people!! one month at least 30 people, i think i can do it, i must jia you chiong!!

She have return.. or back to life? She have been dead in my memory for a long time but now.. I feel like she is back. "jian qiang yi dian" this is what she told me.. the last word. She make me feel like she is grown up already. Actually i am wrong.. (ai de tai shen, hen de yue shen, chen jing hen ai guo yi gen ren, hui bian chen hen hen na ge ren)  Loving someone too deep will make yourself hate someone very deep too. I am so agree with this.. I wish to have some short ending conversation with xx. lala

Dont feel like writing already, delay too long no mood liao

Not fun, un-jokable

do you have anyone that cant be joke and always get mad when you are joking? do you know, this is so boring? i am type that like to joke, and i cant joke on someone that get mad when i joke. how to match? i will try not to joke anymore then since there are someone that cannot be joke.. sacrificing is needed again.. i make myself change quite lots actually.. no one really know.. sms that i like the most.. i start dislike.. even phone call i feel so ma huan.. hm.. i dont even like to inform or say a lots of thing already.. maybe all is a reflect..

yesterday i watch a love movie

movie name is koizora, sky of love

why my relationship and the move one is differnt

why cant i be so sweet

the guy finally say i love you, when he is going to die

and the girl say, this is your first time saying it, after 3years

is it necessary to say three word?

confuse in love

i wish to have a sweet happy love

i am so jealous seeing a lot couple so happy

the way they treat each other

it is like.. heaven feeling.. even i feel sweet

my relationship never goes well end..

you never fulfill my desire..

you are so cincai to this relationship

...

Slowpoke's

i hate you to be such a slow thing or i thing that doesn't have any respond. i believe that even if you see my blog, even if you see my posts, you wont have any respond. with this kind of things, you make me feel nothing on you. sometime people do something, just to get some respond.

i remember, there are the only one time, that i felt so damn happy when i receive your respond.. although it is my request for asking you to praise me, but i really do feel so happy. in my memories, there are only this pieces

i dont mind waiting you, 1 day, 1 week, 1 month, 1 year or more, just dont make me feel impossible.. my patient will be dead.. i hate being so careless and no respond type human, you wont want me to treat you naturally that way. [i think i am type of human that is, how you treat me before, how i treat you now] i dont wish to be like this..

how much change i have made

• sms change short
• text-ing change short
• change to be cold (@~@) gee..

there are more i guess..

Long time no see..

Long time no see, it look like you still look the same. Not bad. A lot people tell me that i have change a lot from before. Good to see you back, it remind me of old time when i am with you, because you are still the same. It make me feel that my prediction is right and never wrong. I guess, there are really some kind of people that never change.

phew.. here come my another post.. ah i like this word "long time no see" feeling no bad.. i believe, everyone will change one day. not completely change, just come personality change and attitude.. to me.. being naughty wont change.. i only will change to a cold icy heart.. mean no feeling in love.. i guess.. i am not sure.. need to wait the time to tell everything.. D= suddenly dont know what to write already..

she is finally back, feel like long time no see or contact, after back, no change.. wa..

I do think before

2010
there a few time, i tried to give up.. i really cant stand it anymore..
later.. i know i cant live without it.. i need it
i try to tell myself, not to say those thing again
so, i really do what i have said..
but it is too late..

2011
hm.. simple.. very simple.. and nothing..
i want to beat my life, destiny and fate.. nothing is fix

i do think before, giving up this, but.. because it is not necessary, so i just leave it, until now.. "a sms make me forget what i want to write next" never mind.
i do think before, try to restart it.. i need to reformat or renew *a language that only me understand*
whatever.. just having some feel to make post.

8th month relationship..

this few day, she seem to be so damn busy, or actually her busy time have started? luckily this wont be forever or i think i wont be able to stand it. actually i plan to meet her on 17-07-2011 sunday. time and planning all not suit.. so i cant. so it is fine then. lets see.. 8th month kuai le!! kuai le ma? D= bu zhi dao o.. i like people having happy life living because i hate people boring more than myself boring. i am so afraid of people getting bored even if it is not my problem. if people life is nice then i will feel fine. how many post that i have been made since the last day i told her i got wrote something here? nah.. she dont care a damn of my post. one of the thing i never like about her is she never treat relationship seriously, knowing how to love is useless if you cant spread the feel plus "cuma tau cakap" cham..

it is lucky i never share my post on facebook or she will see my blog, i dont even sure that do she have time to read at least one post. lets bet. how many day after this post she will read this? i think minimum after a week only she notice this post or readed this post.

i wonder is there any spy in my blog and checking my blog.. i notice that someone have leave its facebook account but never deactivate it. i guess the did it on purpose. i hope i really can make my wish come true, solve my chain in heart someday, please..

today i watch one china tv show, about love matching thing. 20+ girl in the show, then 1 guy come interview those girl. just watch it in 8tv every sunday and you will know what tv show. the point here is "yuan lai" i still have feeling in love/sweet.. something like that.. my heart still got feeling in those thing. gosh.. i feel so relief leh..

almost forget something..
she use to treat me very geli.. i am type of human that never show direct kindness or care.. and i hate being treated nice or with love, it make me feel disgust. hate direct.. slap me because you love me, dont kiss me, kill me because you love me, dont die for me. i am a kind devil. you know?

I LOVE YOU

after a long period of being single.. after a lots of unwilling thing happen.. then in 2010.. sdo.. i meet a girl call zhen.. she appear to be very different from what i observe when we are in sdo and skype. mean the time when we firstly met. hm..i start having feeling to her because she give me a very special feeling.. time long already.. dont know why my feeling to her start have some error.. hm.. error in believing each other.. error of laziness, careless.. mean no care.. too cincai.. not serious in love.. not giving each other enough love.. and dont know what is love.. + bla bla bla and more..
i wish her to be healthy, i want her to be good, i hope she can look nice.. [i feel so selfish for all this request] asking her to be pretty, this is not only for me, it is for herself too.. all girl want to be pretty.. if she become pretty, i dont earn anything. i always feel overweight people is unhealthy.. i am so scare that she not healthy too.. i want her to be fine always, because she dont want me to be care so i lazy to care already

Unbelievable so you never believe

dont know why suddenly fall in love with this song, it is so damn nice, feel like learning this song.. nah.. lets see my mood.. if fine, i will learn it.. cool man.. it is a japan song actually but it is in english version.. i believe!! nice!!

by the way.. i am here to add up something that i have missed..

last time.. long time ago.. i did a very big mistake.. if i am not wrong.. maybe this is the main cause of everything.. hard to explain.. when i feel so down in relationship.. i have a feeling, tell me that.. make the one you love hates you is better that hurting it. i make a post said that i will make someone hate me so that it will leave me.. i am so wrong about it. after someone know about it, its confidence to me, finish.. maybe is this causing the ending.

believe

believing each other in relationship is really important. no matter it is a lies or what, you should believe every word. never make the one that trust you disappointing. dont know why i just keep feeling disappointing.. i always make it last chance to believe. must believe always

love.. i am so sorry for all those previous post, super duper sorry..

haihz..actually i so love my gf.. just i cant accept everything in her..

aw complicated.. bu xiang write liao.. 

Loveless reaction

Loveless reaction
to me, giving some reaction to their love is a very important things. it is okay that you don't give any reaction but, not so dumb type? dont even know it self have a kind of ability call "giving reaction to what people have mention/say" being a human, something we might be a bit careless in feelings.. dont know why i just hate "ignore/dont care/not important" love is caring anything..

sometime, i really start getting lazy in this relationship, no more things that i can do anymore. this is a fail relationship. appear to be strong and calm. actually inside is nothing.

in this world, do anyone know that, a boy and a girl can be together without love? i mean a relationship without love. in old time, there are a lots of people marry without love. we can see it in some parent. a lots of parent, actually they dont really have love. marry is just a human progress, building a family is a responsibility in human, unlike now.

you know what i feel when i see this picture? D= i really dont know how to love already. this is a broken relationship. truth. slowly, we wont have any argue anymore, i believe. starting to get boring already. a boring girl that dont like surprise.


what is surprise?
do you think surprise is just like a normal things? to people that doesnt "think" surprise is only a surprise. you know how a surprise be created? human use heart or love to make it, just to let someone feel happy. this is what i know. in my life, tell "you" i have a surprise [it is a dead word] i never wanted to give any surprise anymore because you never want [you will say, you are not romantic] actually you are a very boring person.

i start to realize that, actually my love doesn't really need love anymore. love or not love, actually there are no different anymore. i dont know what bad thing i have in relationshi. 

 actually i really wanted to have a very sweet love and relationship, not like being cold and nothing. you know how lucky am i because i have a girlfriend and i should cherish it a lot.. but i just dont feel like i am that lucky.. maybe it isn't a happy one i guess.. actually relationship now doesn't have any problem. maybe for now.

giving a like in facebook, this is not any bad thing. seriously.

lets say, make example.. you are a type of person that only keep liking people post. and there are a person that like your post too. one day, in status, you say you are sad, in picture, you show your tears, in status, you write "what to do? i dont know" you wish to have comment by human.. but what you get, is only a spamming of like. human only see you, they dont care you. human only likes your status, dont really wanted to care you.

u nvr 1 2 hv conversation wit me, u only tinks 4 ur nid

Lifeless body without soul

black and white, dark and light, devil and angel

do you all curious, why do the black, dark, and devil start first?

i feel that myself have change a lot after being in relationship last november 17
maybe everything really come too fast and sudden.. after being hurt very deep, i promise myself.. if i have the ability, i dont wish to let anyone feel what i feel before.. but why.. i just make people hurt..

my current girlfriend, give me a kind of feel like i didnt care or mind her a lots. i do care her, i do jealous in short time, but not so much. the time i jealous, who will tell out? only jerk. dont know why i just wanted her to be a bit balance in look.

i really hate the way that i think, everything make me feel so unworthy to care and love. in street, i close my eye and point any random place, i can see a better girl. even if i dont need to choose girl, i am not very handsome, i believe there will have girl that choose me. everything just feel so unworth to care so much. my heart is not locked by my girlfriend yet.

i have unlimited patient to wait my girlfriend, but please dont make me feel impossible.. my confidence to you will change. i feel so bored, i wish to love my girlfriend with the way i am, i want to hug and kiss her in public, but i just cant do it.. every time i see people in love, omg, they are so damn fucking sweet.. but not me.. saying a love word, i feel like "bu xiang"

i make myself have so many reason, i use to tell myself, i dont mind how a girl look, i dont need my girl to be how pretty, i dont mind my girl size..

• maybe this time too big?
• or i have enough critiques by people?
• cant feel "an quan gan" because too big? (i cant make a round shape with i hug.. make me dislike it)
• make me feel unchangable?

aw shit.. listed too hurt? honestly i am not this kind of reality people, i hate people saying itself, but they can change better than anyone, whatever i am too much..


you know what.. the feeling of sdo-ing yesterday is quite nice, cant really say it is happy but i like this kind of feel. a feel of freedom i guess. and something. but nothing ba.. sdo is one of my favorite game before until someone spoil it. i train so hard and well just to compete.. but everything change in the end

hm..i shared a song here.. need to talk with people and some talk with my girlfriend

i am a damn shit fucker

hey everyone..long time didnt make post already..
as you know, the blog title say..
there are no more people that can be as useless as me..


i am not a good guy, i am so useless
i dont know what people think, and i dont want to know what people think..
as someone bf, being like this.. i really should die


want to love, bu gan love, want to do, bu gan do..
i so hate myself, why i want to have this kind of feel
a feel of reject or cant accept.. scare being know
dont want to biao da give people see


this few day, i keep all my feel in heart, i dont dare to express out, i so miss but i dont dare to express, but why? i am so afraid..


no reason..?

Two in a row..

lansilanyong

Yesterday, wasn't a nice day.. I hate complicated things. I hate things that is so disturbing my mind. Making me mad and confuse..



Today, this morning wake up.. Feel so.. Then i get up at 8.30am.. The first time i do after get up is sms, then go online, check my pc. Yesterday i put auto shutdown after download complete. Yeah nice.. Hehe. I luf it. Good news, my download complete. Then.. I want to find one empty disc.. Then.. The empty disc inside got other file, then i copy all out, then i . . .



Later afternoon lunch time need to finish my installation quick.. Window xp.. I hope my download file are fine too.. Need 5hours for that download. Shit it.. Haih.. Today late to work.. So long time didn't late to work already, whatever.. Hate coming early so much, no more giving me early work bonus..



Love.. > Dear ar dear.. How do i love you if i don't know what are you thinking ne.. In love and relationship, couple relationship is the most close, mean can talk anythings.. Mean there are nothing to scare, just talk anything straight and honest. Because of your farking heart, i need to keep hide things to talk, slowly it make me feel like nothing more to talk. In our relationship, there are so many problem, maybe you didn't know it because *who care about it* i am not sure about it. I hope i can back to myself and love you like old time. I am sure that you will be more happy. Huhu..



Guan ni pi shi



yesterday, i done my window98 installation already.. That time i am so happy.. But.. Window98 got a very big problem.. Version too old.. Then, i need to download window xp again to upgrade it.. So sien leh keep having this kind of lagging problem.. Whatever..



This morning i buy two pao eat, fresh meat bao. Didn't feel full or hungry. But wanted to eat. Hope can grow fat a bit. Eat eat eat, i hate keep eating.



Wow two post in a row.. Nice.. I hope i can keep up this way.. Yay

lets get up on blogging

Yesterday, is my girlfriend birthday. I admit that i didn't treat her big day seriously yesterday. But i try my best to make her happy althought i know that she is not happy.




I think that, i really love her, and i got heart. But the problem is.. I don't know what is she thinking, and do she understand what i want to tell? Does she try to do something do me? Do she do anything for me?



I don't think that anyone know that i am making post here because i didn't tell anyone about it, no one know i write blog too.. Thats cool, but i should tell some people that i am blogging so that i wont write to myself.



I get so lazy to blog.. Feel so lazy writing here, i have many things to tell but i just can't write here. Maybe those things is so farking so i really can't write here. No feel to write. Not sure. I love my past blogging life..



To my beloved one, i really don't know what to do anymore. How to love you. I feel so uncomfortable in this relationship.. You know i dislike you to eat so much *birthday is special, so can eat* but you still keep eating. You always ask me, *i got thin dao ma?* i don't know how to tell you, i only can say, you no diet how to thin, you didn't eat less how to thin. Basic things. A human, didn't eat a lot, is impossible to fat, include, a human eat a lot, can thin? Common sense.



Question, you believe what you see, or you believe what you hear? I keep listening good thing, but i keep seeing bad thing. Do you think, i will believe what i hear, than i see? Hm.. Natural human thinking, see de, is real de.



I hope i can get bigger, i want to turn fat. Or, actually i hate hungry.. I want to eat anytime, if can. I want to have anything to eat at anytime so that i wont hungry.. Hungry make me feel turning thin..



Thats all i want to write, thank you =D





guan ni pi shi?



Shit.. Today i download window 98 to install.. I hope my installation will be fine.. 256 mb ram computer, oh fark.. So shit slow.. Then boss pc.. Reformat it jar.. oOo my house got that window7 dvd, original is boss dvd but now it is mine.. Wahaha! Anything else.. Thats all.. Ya and! I hope i can build my boomz character become strong >< but.. Just hope.. Done.. Haha !

sohai

it is for what? and what is it for?

purpose..  what is my purpose.. living like this is for what? honestly i feel so empty, but not all the time of course. need someone to share my thing, can let me tell everything. i repeat this two or more times already in my post, always having this kind of problem, i never find one.

bla!! people like me is not qualified, i say already right. not worth to be care.

hang this blog to draft, fuck!!