drepression about you.. am i too mian qiang?

keep viewing your facebook profile.. viewing all your post and thing.. i really wish to know much and more about you.. i feel like your life is really good now.. dont have the need for boyfriend.. i dont mean me as boyfriend..

you know.. i see jealous and some hatred from you.. about your friend and more.. where is mine.. by the way.. i really feel so lucky and happy last time.. while with my ex. although me and my ex never go out 2 person, mean she always bring her friend.. her friend is my friend.. i have friend.. all her friend is my friend.. haha.. i am sohai.. whatever.. just some depression.. sorry..

i dont mind if no one understand me.. but please dont ren ding and say about me.. all of you is wrong and not right.. but never mind..

are you waiting my sms.. i wish you sms me, and i hope to sms you too.. bla.. i know i miss you..

day by day..
maybe one day.. my feeling will dead and my mind will stop think of you..

good night =')

feeling so emotional today..

seriously i know this is disgusting and i am so sorry for this because in this kind of disgusting picture got your name in it.. maybe the time you see it wont got feel anymore? lol.. whatever.. i plan to create this, first.. is to test my patient and to test my heart and whatever thing. just like what i usually say.. i dont expect anything because i am afraid of disappointment.. or maybe i do really expect.. but.. fine..

i feel so weird toward you.. i really dont know whats wrong with me.. i starting to lose control.. i wish to see your laugh and smile.. dont like to see you angry and mad anymore.. i try not to disturb you already.. but sometime.. i am so wu liao.. apologize accepted ma?

one time, and one time.. i tell myself to give up my heart to you.. but.. i feel hard.. feel so difficult to let you go.. i wanted to see you all time.. day or night.. dont really wanted so much.. just want to know either you fine or what.. i wish to make call on you at night but.. who am i? why do i do that?

today my mind pop up something that i feel very upset until i feel like crying.. er.. i dont cry.. i feel like i being forgotten by you.. or feel like you dont care me a damn.. just like.. i dont know how to describe.. in my mind keep saying this "you will be more happy than having me in your life" your life dont suit me too.. you life is more on group.. and me.. =( haha.. you will let me join? sorry i no confidence..

one more thing is.. i like you.. and maybe it is very much.. but.. i dont feel safe with you.. it mean.. i feel like you dont take relationship seriously.. it is just like.. have it, then ok, dont have it.. then never mind.. no "an quan gan" be with you.. i will feel like hell everyday.. i am so afraid if you feel bored and leave me.. better dont be like miss liew lee yien.. LOL her full name xD she is a very unstable girl in relationship.. maybe..

today.. i pass my phone to you.. i feel like >< sweet because you use my phone!! >< i really love the feeling and you smile while passing back the phone to me.. i really like you >< plus you really so cute to me.. by the way.. always wish to tell you that i dream about you.. i dream that you tell we all.. you have been invited for an outing by a guy and the guy hold you hand.. then you got boyfriend.. it is just a dream.. but i still dont feel good.. i feel better after see you back in work but i am still worry..

i think this is all for today post..? hehe!! sorry for this rubbish post

edit : almost forget.. about the title.. yup today i feel sad and so emotional.. today you ignore me a lot.. another thing is.. miss liew scold me and you keep quiet.. i feel like so useless.. and i feel so shame.. liew telling all my bad thing in front of you.. image spoil.. you dont like  me le.. one thing is.. you.. i dont want say le.. ='(

everything end up posting here

Privately to my EX jia wen
Suddenly think of something to write, about my ex. This note is not directly write for her. Just the voice of my heart :) She can count as my first girlfriend because i never really be with any girl before her. In beginning, i don't really expect of having any girlfriend because i don't look good, and i am poor. In such a coincidentally, we know each other in facebook. We are not having any special relationship at all. We start with friend. Start in phone. Contacting each other daily. Think back of the past, actually it just happen two year ago. She is a very childish and immature girl. Things attract me the most, is her voice and look. She sound cute and look cute. I like taking care of her. But i fail to own her heart. Me and her is having a very naive relationship for that time. Not feeling regretting but everything comes too early. I shouldn't meet her or know her this early time :) or maybe she can be my forever. The only girl i fall so deep. Suddenly feel speechless saying about her things. Not feeling like sharing too. No use talking back things that have pass. Just make it as the memory that me and her only know. Main thing i writing this is, i wanted to write something to her, but i don't want her to see :) Its been a long time since the day we breakup. I never worry that you will dump me someday. I didn't even think of it. But you really done it. I really feel regret of why. Why i can so such a hurtful things to you? I request for breaking up, countlessly. Finally, i understand your feeling. I am so proud of you, you hurt me so deep. It is fine if you dislike me, but you choose another guy? The only things pop up in my mind is just worry. I worry about you, together with a guy that i never know. For me, you are so naive and you are still a kid. You don't know what is good or bad. You don't even know what a human really thinks. Yes, i admit, i hate you before after breakup. You ruin my life. You make me become a guy that always jealous of people. Maybe. I hate seeing your new life. Why your life can have so many people around you. Why i must life alone everyday with computer? I even play game alone. The deepest you love someone, the deepest you hate the one you love before. I think, you hate me so damn much. And try think back, how you tell me you love me. I really put your word in my mind. This is one of the reason i feel so secure being with you. I wont forget you tell me that you wont choose other boy anymore. You only want me. If you love other boy, you still will be with me. Don't want to leave me. I really listen it quietly each time you tell me. But all is fake :) i never do what i say, same to you. I never think that you will do such a bullshit thing. Telling everyone how bad am i? Things already become past. I wont mind it anymore. As long as your mouth is shut and don't effect my life. I never think for wanting you back, i never plan to own you one more time. I wonder how much have you change? Same? For me, i change a lot since the day you leave me. But, my heart is still lonely. You know? I found another girlfriend after breaking up with you 4month. Believe it? Sure no. But this is true. To be honest, my wound is not cure at that time. But now, everything dry up. Although 2years have pass, but i still think of you sometime. My facebook profile still have some tag and picture with you. Remove some. But still there. I don't wish to be with you back. Only hope our happy moment can be permanent. Genting :) watches :) bus stop :) escaletor :) much much more. All the feel is still strong last time. But now, i really no feeling anymore. My current girlfriend now, hm. She never get my feeling. The feeling inside me, she never know. She only think i have the same feeling with her. I don't need people to care me, or know about me. I only want people to tell me and let me know. This make me secure. I like to discover answer and hate asking or being ask. Maybe i will be with her for a long long time. A lots of people say it is unfair for me. But whatever. Don't care. Next note, secretly for my girlfriend. If she saw it, then just let her read. If she don't know? Don't care~


Secretly to Hazel
Together with you, i think nearly 1 1/2 years already. What you get? What i get? Whats the feeling? Happy or wasting time? Haha.. I going to tag you if you read this. Hope you have friend will read, then they will tell you something. We know each other in sdo. Is it a fate for us to meet each other? Room title find dear. I go in. Then sampat. The time i quite chong dong de :) november 2010 this month is a month that i create the most trouble in my life. Rei Fang Zhen. Things that have past, i can't change it anymore. So accept it ba. Telling you the truth. Hurt you. Telling you the fake. You love me. I think it is the time for me to get mature :) am i blaming myself for being sleepy all the time, or i am just running away from the truth? My life is full of regret. Full of responsibility. I wonder how many million time i have to tell you. We don't look like couple at all. I wonder, your friend got tell you before? We don't look like couple? My work friend telling me this all the time. Whatever. I don't feel like saying anything about you anymore because i think of too much of regretful things about you.
1. I fall my first tear to you because you making me feel so stress and suffer on your personality and attitude. Telling you your problem but you don't understand. End.
2. Keep begging you for letting us having the best relationship, you never take our relationship seriously. Cincai.
3. You never know what i want. What i think and whats my feeling.
Dec 2011 i cry one more time. The time is because you don't care a damn about my breaking up request. Feb 2012 another tears fall for you. My last tears. You know why you so love me now? I feel disgust saying you so love me. Fuck. Dinosaur. You almost losed me, thats why you change a lot or love me more. Before, you didn't even know how you treat this relationship. ~~~ blur awhile, imagining if i can back to past. I will change a lots of thing. Actually i plan to separate post this note, but i plan to put it together. Don't feel like writing anything anymore more. Super long post. The End.

bored 

So rare to have this kind of free time. Yup, the time when i am writing this note is around 11am at working. In factory, working time. Everyone not here and busy. And i have done my work. I believe, everyone deserve to have personal and free time while working. We don't pay full time for work. Maybe i am a little bit too over for having own personal time. But i am different. I am unique. Thats why i deserve more personal time than everyone. Ok.. My excuse. Whatever. Last night i really feel so despair. Hopeless. I even off my computer. I really can't do anything. So many thing i want to do. But i can do it. Even online. I really feel like arguing again. First, you share paying online fees, second, you don't online, third is, i upgrade online package, and share paying. Line wont be interrupt and we both can online freely. Why i have to pay for gaining nothing? I don't spent all time for online. I work. Not 24hours online. Plus, i didn't buy hard disk yet. If i own it already, i don't care how is the internet speed, most important my download goes well daily. Either daylight or midnight time. Other problem now. Tonight i plan to go brem mall after work. Maybe father fetch back, maybe back alone but father fetch go. I feel like buying pillow and hard disk. If can, cut my hair too. But.. My hair so dirty.. I don't feel like giving dirty head to people cut. Ya i know they might wash for me but i still don't like like cutting my hair if it is dirty. Usually wash it first. Around my house have a lot saloon. But really don't dare to step in. Ya it is most closest one. Still same. Afraid to go cut. It is such a joke if someone really willing to accompany me. I only need people to stay by my side or don't make me feel alone. Thats so simple.. Nah.. I wont have this kind of person in my life. Last day i add a kepong sdo girl in facebook.. She just like so fucking lansi. Didn't even want to communicate or give me a chance. Whatever, i am not even a single guy, whoever want me, sure die in suffer. By the way, i feel like i having a bits of interest with Nicoles but i really lack of confidence for doing more good action on her. What i usually do is bully and talk her bad thing, but my main reason is just to see her reaction.. Either mad or angry will make me feel like i not be ignore by her. Sometime i really feel like too over. Maybe this is one of my kind of attitude. Like to say people bad thing. Really hard to control because i just want to get people respond.. Ether keep quiet or saying people. Don't know how to control.. I wonder, Nicoles ever paktor before? Maybe no. There are high possibility that she didn't paktor before, but she know how i guess. She have many friend, not same like me. I am totally myself.. I have no buddy.. Haha. I wonder, will tonight goes well? Plan for getting hard disk after work.. I really really wish to have hard disk so much.. I can do many download for video, song, or even games. I love doing collection for things i like.. I want many, i want a lots! Hehe. Is there any reader? No it wont have :( i believe, if there are a person that really love me, she will read all my post here. Plus! It is not a lot! Only few post, but i think i will merge my old blog post to here. Then delete my old blog, in case something unwilling happen. I post thing about samyi before. I think yi zhen not see it yet. Hope i can remove it before she see. Reduce problem. So now, i think i will be very boring after lunch time. Might have many boring or busy work. Even dirty work. What i hope the most is, i hope i can just sit there and write my SOP. Nice.. But it wont take a long time i guess. Unless i write it slowly. Two mould SOP need to be write. Boring.. So what should i plan tonight. Back at 5.30. Go brem mall. Buy hard disk. Back. Open pc. No! Bath first! Everyday back home must bath first! So i can relax and enjoy my hard disk work. Fun. I wonder will i ever get bored doing all this downloading? I plan, if i really start my downloading smoothly, i feel like touching back my dvd. I stop touching my animation since i stop talking with my brother. House problem. My mother is a noob. I wont let my children to my mother in future. I rather pay for baby sitter. My mother is child educator failure. I didn't say i am good in educating but at least i know i am kid before. Better not to have children. Future things, future only say ba. Should i go back office? I feel like i don't have anything to do if i go back. Maybe SOP. Time now is a bit too early for me to go back. I wonder what time alex will be back. Scare scare. Cincai la.. One more thing. Quit game doesn't mean stop all game. For my meaning is, those online game, leveling those. Stop. Pokemon or offline game. Still fine. I hope i can do uploading or have time to create website thingy too. Hopefully ba.. Stop writing now. Continue at other time or just post my blog this way. La la thanks for reading o.

i went to see hard disk le.. RM250 for 500GB and RM380 for 1TB 

Don't know why i feel so despair now. There really nothing i can do. Mentally suffer and depress. My hard disk. I really want to get it so much. But i don't dare to went out and buy myself. I don't have friend. There are no people that can go out with me. I wish to cut my hair. Change my hair style. But i don't dare to go saloon cut hair. I feel like lack of confidence and scare of going to a place that full with handsome and pretty. Dressing is more way better that me too. I don't care how people look at me. I care how i look at myself. I am totally such like a jerk. Weak guy. Yup, human can't compare but i can't forever be this useless and noob right? Whatever. Tomorrow work still fine. If not necessary, i wont do OT for tomorrow. I really don't understand why they keep asking me for OT. I hate working extra time. Back on time that is fixed is the best. I wonder if i can meet someone near me. That can always accompany me? Surely it is a dream. If i really found someone like this, i will loyal like dog to her. I wonder, is one of my reader going to be the one? Lol no reader. Actually i am expecting someone to read this but i can confirm. No one really willing to read. Love will keep change. Follow by human mind thinking and next generation. My life have been corrupted by love. Main problem i guess. I really hope that i can back on time. Change everything. Or tell my pass, don't do this or that. Maybe now i don't need to be so despair. But i always believe in one thing. You can only hope for changing the pass but now is always the most perfect. Don't know why i have to pay internet to my house to play. But i don't play the most. I play ALL. This is unfair. I really hope i can just cut it off and pay broadband myself. I don't care it is expensive. Worth if i play and pay myself. Sharing don't earn. I pay for my family to online, in return, i end up having connection problem. And they just enjoy lagging with me. Fuck up. Useless family. Whatever fucking shit. I hate i can't do thing i want or planned. Everything just never went right. Why? You know? I really want to suicide so much.

am i useless? or i am myself?

before this, i am so qi dai for having hard disk.. i even plan to go out and buy it myself.. all is before i have money.. i feel like doom after i get my salary.. oh gosh.. same like coward.. before having money, talk big, after get money i will go out alone to buy, after getting money, the real me is out.. i am scare of going out alone buying thing alone too.. this will be a short post i guess..

today, no reason for me to leave early at work.. in first two day, i went home without OT because i am so sleepy and tired.. but today, yes i am still sleepy and tired but i still can stay.. feel so useless for afraid to buy hard disk.. feel so jealous for other people, why people can go out alone.. but me cant? why i so scare of going out alone? i dont dare to buy.. i even feel like cutting my hair short this time.. but i dont dare to go out.. dont dare to go saloon or hardware shop.. whatever.. i am useless

Alex just went out. He is my working senior. He usually let me do some work and go to office. But today we are doing different thing. He might be back soon after this. Time now is 2pm. Just now.. sad.. when lunch time. Don't know why i can't make myself stay on table right after i done my lunch.. I want to talk with my collegue.. Working de people. I have many thing to share and talk. But i can't get myself doing it. One more thing is.. I feel shy while facing Nicoles. Whats wrong! LoL funny. Maybe she is girl and i am boy. But i feel better with sister Liew. Our conversation goes well. Maybe she is elder. Actually i feel like working half day but i can't get through my work. I like to finish off everything before i leave. Don't like leaving it halfway. Feel not responding. Working half day is, i not enough sleep and i feel like going to see doctor. Taking MC. But never mind. Just continue work. Today back on usual time, 5.30pm. Really need more rest and today must bath early. Sleep early. My pillow.. need to change.. I still didn't get. What is my main causing for waking up middle of the night.. Forget to check health board. Whatever, next thing. Can anyone teach me how to get rid of my girlfriend? She start getting so annoying. Nicoles is right, i shouldn't just play disappear. It is not right. Bored. Advice to myself, i should, i will let her understand someday. I will leave her. I don't wish myself to scare of dating or having relationship with people. In love, for me, it is the most happiest thing ever. But not with my girlfriend. I really don't wish to be with her. But never mind. I have my life to go. I have my thing to busy and do. Maybe tonight i will start playing maplestory again. Reason i am playing? Sixth sense tell me i wont be able to own hard disk. Auto respond asked me to play game. But, i wont give up, i will get hard disk! I really love life that is watching animation. After having hard disk, maybe i will be house worm. Most important is happy, right? Just pray for it. Not much thing i can download with Qvod. Maybe hong kong drama, or animation that have cantonese or any chinese language. I can't read the chinese subtitle. And most important. Don't forget pokemon! I must download it completely. I fail to download previously because i don't have enough space. After owning hard disk, i must, i will, download pokemon completely! I night upgrade my online package thing so that i can improve my speed for streaming or downloading. Most important thing i can't let go.. It is my boomz. I feel like want to build it.. Make it strong. Or be the strongest. Very hard. But, just say it only.
Back home. Maybe boomz or maple. For maple, i need to farm massive lots of maple leaf. Huhu. Any reader? Lol sad

I feel like i get enough sleep. I didn't sleep late last night. Right? Okay maybe around 11pm time. For me, it is a bit earlier than 12am or after twelve. Yup, i am still getting up middle of the night, what to do? If my sleeping problem really get worse, i really need a medical check up. And for now, i am working. Time is 4pm. Around that time. Just down the front piece of 3 way housing mould. Product stuck. I suspect it as the injecting temperature too high. Maybe. Whatever. This problem really so boring and wasting time. I not gonna work for OT today if don't have anything running. Just have some extra time to write this, hope enough for my blog posting. And i will be continue my writing on car after working time if i stop. I really will die of sleepy. Trimming the filter housing. A lots of work but really sleepy.. Holding a knife and cut of the flashing part. Feel a bit free now because Alex go back to office. I think he is bored and tired about the product stucking at the injecting sprue. Really difficult to take off. Product is hard and stuck. By the way. I really feel so awkward each the my girlfriend say i miss you. I really feel like deleting her sms. I mind about her so much. Mind about her weight, look and whatever fucking shit. She don't look pretty or cute but she act that she IS. Problem is she is gigantic. If she is short and small size, i wont mind if she is overweight. At least she have her cute. Fuck if, she disgust me a lot when i think of many thing. Whatever. Compulsory things to tell myself so that i wont stress about her. I will try my best to let her understand about love can't be force. She is still young. Although i don't love her but she still can have a lots of choice. To be honest, how cruel of rude thing, i also can do. I can just cut of my number. Deactivate my all net account. Disappear from her forever, i guess. Then, of course my look need to have big change too so that in future when we meet, she wont recognise me. Good idea? I think too much now. Start making my imagination. What i am afraid is, she come to find me. My mind pop up a plan. Before i disappear, i will use her facebook account or try whatever way to write a note for her. Telling her about my disappearance or leaving. Count as inform. So that nothing back will happen. Eliminate my number or just make my number less active for sometime if i really can't let go my number. Fuck man. I am too much. Feel like start to make all plan for leaving her already. Bored. This really rude and cruel. Sorry so much yi zhen. I really can't be with you, i really dislike your almost everything. Your hair, your face, your lips, your nose, your neck, your shoulder, your chest, your stomach, your buttock, your leg and all. Personality, attitude, and habit. I dislike your everything. My animation is with her, i don't mind. As long as i can leave her, i can sacrifice everything. Sad case if she see this. Maybe someday yi zhen will see this. Maybe it will be long time le. Sorry for being together with her. Sorry for choosing her to be my girlfriend. Sorry for what have i done to you. Sorry about phone sex, for beginning, i am sorry, in the end, i lost interest with you. About MMS, sorry too. And hotel, i wont make it the fifth time. Please. No more. I don't know what to do with extra condom in house. Lol. Feel like throwing it. Keep for nothing, don't even have the use. Whatever. Keep wont waste. Maybe i got friend or people that need, i can give? 3piece only. Lol.. Whatever. I feel like playing back maple. And i feel wanted to get hard disk so much by this week. Quit all fucking game that spoil my brain, focus downloading. Yeah! I hope can ask for someone to accompany me go. Hope Nicoles willing to go with me. But asking ah wei go with me will be the best i guess. Miss Liew also can? Lol. Go alone ba xD noob. One more thing. Samyi confirm having cancer.. Really hope that she is fine and don't get worse. If everything go smooth, i think i will fly to sabah and visit her. I don't wish for her leaving. Every living things have its own right to survive till the end, no one can just end the life without reason. Lack of patient. Can't wait for my hard disk. I want to fill it with massive of animation song, or i mean japanese song. And a lots of movie and cartoon. Of course some game if can xD maximize my download time for computer in midnight time or daylight time. One day around 8hours or 10hours? Hm? This is all my writing when i am working. No going to continue after work. Any reader? Nope. Don't have. Sad. Haha.

The time when i am writing this, it is on first of april. The day when i go out with my girlfriend, and the time i am in bus, on my way back midvalley, then from there i will take taxi straight back. It is hard to meet up good taxi driver from midvalley to my house. I don't have confidences about going back by taxi in kota raya. Maybe it is better and cheaper? Hope i don't get dizzy till nearly vomit because i am writing on bus. Quite shaky but i am fine i guess. Today actually should be the day i went out to kl with girlfriend. Buying her stuff. Belated birthday present. Feeling quite depressing now because everything end up in hotel. I know i am horny or whatever fucking thing. I know i really pervert. Not really pervert but sex desire is a bit high. I manage to relief three time for around 3hours time. I should not have sex with her anymore in case accident do really happen. I don't want to be father this early and i don't want her to be pregnant in this young age. My energy, or what do i call. Erm, life power? Energytic? I am getting sleepy each day. Feel like getting it worse. My emotional control or what shit thing slowly get weak. Mind and thinking getting slow. Balances too. Just getting weaken by waking up middle of the night all time, it is everyday. I wont depress if i think of other thing. Having this girlfriend, she is really depressing me. Ya she really change a lot. I admit it. Finally i understand, love can't force. If you don't like, mean don't like. I will slowly solve my problem. I need more clear mind thinking. I need to have more enough sleep. I want to start doing my own business, earn my first bucket of money. I don't compare myself for other. I want to let all people know i am not a noob guy. I am the best. You might look down at me, but i want everyone proud of me. I still remember my dream. I wish to raise japanese animation popularity in malaysia with my hand. I mean heart. Someday, i will do it. I guess, i really stop being lazy now. Really regret why i am lazy when i got the energy to think and do. Now? Day by day, i am getting weak now. I really need medical check up. Need some expert and not those cincai. Yi zhen, after writing all this, my heart and mood feel better. I don't love you. I don't like you. But i will make you understand. Hope we can end in peace. Wait i regain back my energy. And hope i don't go early. Will be posting this in new blog. If there are reader. Thanks a lot. Sms me or call me. I will be free at 8pm daily. Need counselor or people to talk. Thanks again.

Actually not special day i guess..

i am getting more and more forgetful nowadays..
i really dont know what happen to me. yes, i might be forgetful, but i am genius, i am clever, i am very good in thinking things.. i just cant memorize thing well.. haha.. work so cham without good memory.. haha..
today samyi give me a very cute and leng picture again o! same like daily photo already..
super bad luck in maple today.. same to boomz.. why.. why i am so unlucky..

sunday go out gai gai lu.. feel so long time no out le, think back last time go out de mood, walao.. really bu xiang zai got le.. scare.. bu xiang yao kan lian hei hei.. zi xiang hao kai xin..

Meet le new friend o + gf intro comment

her name is guo xin yee, age 13 from sabah, meet in sdo. she is the a little girl lai de xP everyone dont mistake, i dont have any special relationship with her. but i believe there is many people think a lot and think me and her got something. we just contact daily and exchange photo by mms. this is her first photo.

and yes, this is her second mms photo. cute ba? hahahaha.. she is only 13 but she dont look like her age. she is a friend i contact daily so far but slowly, we will less contact le ba. i meet a lots of friend before that contact either at phone or facebook. much of it also less contact le.

first impression, wa.. what phone lai de, second impression, so cute, smiling~ third, good body shape wor xD forth is, eyebrow xP nothing much.. seriously, i got a bit afraid that she will fall to me @.@ it is impossible ba? but i still feel scare..

this picture melting me, she send it on today. for cheering me up. really feel sweet for this xD thanks ya samyi, good to have a cute friend like this too.

ops.. not leng de photo xD

ya, finally, this is my girlfriend.. i receive the 3 letter that she send already.. wao how come delay so many day? the first two letter is quite meaningless. only the third letter i feel a little bit touch because she listed.. first love is what, second love is what. she put me on first, haha.. but i feel like.. oh too much.. recently me and her really very unhappy. what really happen actually? everyone chasing for happiness in life, hope to stay happy and be happy. but she find me to argue every night, for what? girl natural ba.. i really sien with this kind of thing.. then, everyday talk love with me, walao weh, i need a rest please. my daily life become moody and unhappy. always in moody mood.. all is her fault. trouble finder and maker.. but whatever la.. to be honest and truth, i really dislike her in many way.. i cant accept and i cant xi guan.. it is one year plus already, our relationship never sweet, we remain like nothing only.

lonely life xD i like the alien pet, so damn funny..

Hello friend! LONG TIME NO SEE!

so long time didnt make any post.. didnt even create a post in 2012.. maybe i feel very lazy but i still got update my post in blog forum.. but now, i am back here again because i find out that blog forum is a bit blur blur. i use that forum to do something that blog cant do can liao lew..

now i feel like i got new thing to play or do le.. that is.. building my blog same like website. for gaming and downloading.. not bad ya hor? better than nothing do ba.. same like burning my time with doing stuff only..

[a lots of thing kept in my heart.. there are no chosen one to tell.. i wonder can i stand it]

short post.. got to get ready for work..

Last day being Jobless

Doing something for a people, do you think it is worth? Being loyal "like a dog" listen what people ask you do to, is it fine to you? For me, working is a part of living. I enjoy my life and i want my life to be the best, but of course.. nothing is perfect.

losing my job, is it an accident or i really have problem? actually so many thing happen.. i cant work there anymore because i feel not worthing and no earning.. wasting time.. but i have a lots of memory there. if i dont have that kind of boss, i will continue work there.

today is my last day enjoy my stress life for being jobless and it will be my new day for "mian qing-ing" life.. i tell myself to stay strong and fight more my new job. aeon credit service de people!! one month at least 30 people, i think i can do it, i must jia you chiong!!

She have return.. or back to life? She have been dead in my memory for a long time but now.. I feel like she is back. "jian qiang yi dian" this is what she told me.. the last word. She make me feel like she is grown up already. Actually i am wrong.. (ai de tai shen, hen de yue shen, chen jing hen ai guo yi gen ren, hui bian chen hen hen na ge ren)  Loving someone too deep will make yourself hate someone very deep too. I am so agree with this.. I wish to have some short ending conversation with xx. lala

Dont feel like writing already, delay too long no mood liao

Not fun, un-jokable

do you have anyone that cant be joke and always get mad when you are joking? do you know, this is so boring? i am type that like to joke, and i cant joke on someone that get mad when i joke. how to match? i will try not to joke anymore then since there are someone that cannot be joke.. sacrificing is needed again.. i make myself change quite lots actually.. no one really know.. sms that i like the most.. i start dislike.. even phone call i feel so ma huan.. hm.. i dont even like to inform or say a lots of thing already.. maybe all is a reflect..

yesterday i watch a love movie

movie name is koizora, sky of love

why my relationship and the move one is differnt

why cant i be so sweet

the guy finally say i love you, when he is going to die

and the girl say, this is your first time saying it, after 3years

is it necessary to say three word?

confuse in love

i wish to have a sweet happy love

i am so jealous seeing a lot couple so happy

the way they treat each other

it is like.. heaven feeling.. even i feel sweet

my relationship never goes well end..

you never fulfill my desire..

you are so cincai to this relationship

...

Slowpoke's

i hate you to be such a slow thing or i thing that doesn't have any respond. i believe that even if you see my blog, even if you see my posts, you wont have any respond. with this kind of things, you make me feel nothing on you. sometime people do something, just to get some respond.

i remember, there are the only one time, that i felt so damn happy when i receive your respond.. although it is my request for asking you to praise me, but i really do feel so happy. in my memories, there are only this pieces

i dont mind waiting you, 1 day, 1 week, 1 month, 1 year or more, just dont make me feel impossible.. my patient will be dead.. i hate being so careless and no respond type human, you wont want me to treat you naturally that way. [i think i am type of human that is, how you treat me before, how i treat you now] i dont wish to be like this..

how much change i have made

• sms change short
• text-ing change short
• change to be cold (@~@) gee..

there are more i guess..

Long time no see..

Long time no see, it look like you still look the same. Not bad. A lot people tell me that i have change a lot from before. Good to see you back, it remind me of old time when i am with you, because you are still the same. It make me feel that my prediction is right and never wrong. I guess, there are really some kind of people that never change.

phew.. here come my another post.. ah i like this word "long time no see" feeling no bad.. i believe, everyone will change one day. not completely change, just come personality change and attitude.. to me.. being naughty wont change.. i only will change to a cold icy heart.. mean no feeling in love.. i guess.. i am not sure.. need to wait the time to tell everything.. D= suddenly dont know what to write already..

she is finally back, feel like long time no see or contact, after back, no change.. wa..

I do think before

2010
there a few time, i tried to give up.. i really cant stand it anymore..
later.. i know i cant live without it.. i need it
i try to tell myself, not to say those thing again
so, i really do what i have said..
but it is too late..

2011
hm.. simple.. very simple.. and nothing..
i want to beat my life, destiny and fate.. nothing is fix

i do think before, giving up this, but.. because it is not necessary, so i just leave it, until now.. "a sms make me forget what i want to write next" never mind.
i do think before, try to restart it.. i need to reformat or renew *a language that only me understand*
whatever.. just having some feel to make post.

8th month relationship..

this few day, she seem to be so damn busy, or actually her busy time have started? luckily this wont be forever or i think i wont be able to stand it. actually i plan to meet her on 17-07-2011 sunday. time and planning all not suit.. so i cant. so it is fine then. lets see.. 8th month kuai le!! kuai le ma? D= bu zhi dao o.. i like people having happy life living because i hate people boring more than myself boring. i am so afraid of people getting bored even if it is not my problem. if people life is nice then i will feel fine. how many post that i have been made since the last day i told her i got wrote something here? nah.. she dont care a damn of my post. one of the thing i never like about her is she never treat relationship seriously, knowing how to love is useless if you cant spread the feel plus "cuma tau cakap" cham..

it is lucky i never share my post on facebook or she will see my blog, i dont even sure that do she have time to read at least one post. lets bet. how many day after this post she will read this? i think minimum after a week only she notice this post or readed this post.

i wonder is there any spy in my blog and checking my blog.. i notice that someone have leave its facebook account but never deactivate it. i guess the did it on purpose. i hope i really can make my wish come true, solve my chain in heart someday, please..

today i watch one china tv show, about love matching thing. 20+ girl in the show, then 1 guy come interview those girl. just watch it in 8tv every sunday and you will know what tv show. the point here is "yuan lai" i still have feeling in love/sweet.. something like that.. my heart still got feeling in those thing. gosh.. i feel so relief leh..

almost forget something..
she use to treat me very geli.. i am type of human that never show direct kindness or care.. and i hate being treated nice or with love, it make me feel disgust. hate direct.. slap me because you love me, dont kiss me, kill me because you love me, dont die for me. i am a kind devil. you know?

I LOVE YOU

after a long period of being single.. after a lots of unwilling thing happen.. then in 2010.. sdo.. i meet a girl call zhen.. she appear to be very different from what i observe when we are in sdo and skype. mean the time when we firstly met. hm..i start having feeling to her because she give me a very special feeling.. time long already.. dont know why my feeling to her start have some error.. hm.. error in believing each other.. error of laziness, careless.. mean no care.. too cincai.. not serious in love.. not giving each other enough love.. and dont know what is love.. + bla bla bla and more..
i wish her to be healthy, i want her to be good, i hope she can look nice.. [i feel so selfish for all this request] asking her to be pretty, this is not only for me, it is for herself too.. all girl want to be pretty.. if she become pretty, i dont earn anything. i always feel overweight people is unhealthy.. i am so scare that she not healthy too.. i want her to be fine always, because she dont want me to be care so i lazy to care already

Unbelievable so you never believe

dont know why suddenly fall in love with this song, it is so damn nice, feel like learning this song.. nah.. lets see my mood.. if fine, i will learn it.. cool man.. it is a japan song actually but it is in english version.. i believe!! nice!!

by the way.. i am here to add up something that i have missed..

last time.. long time ago.. i did a very big mistake.. if i am not wrong.. maybe this is the main cause of everything.. hard to explain.. when i feel so down in relationship.. i have a feeling, tell me that.. make the one you love hates you is better that hurting it. i make a post said that i will make someone hate me so that it will leave me.. i am so wrong about it. after someone know about it, its confidence to me, finish.. maybe is this causing the ending.

believe

believing each other in relationship is really important. no matter it is a lies or what, you should believe every word. never make the one that trust you disappointing. dont know why i just keep feeling disappointing.. i always make it last chance to believe. must believe always

love.. i am so sorry for all those previous post, super duper sorry..

haihz..actually i so love my gf.. just i cant accept everything in her..

aw complicated.. bu xiang write liao..